Beginning Again
by WhoMe-2
Summary: One sought it night and day, the other stumbled upon it while striving to move on, both dreamt of it endlessly...but neither imagined it quite like this. After 3 years of separation, the Doctor & Rose are given a chance to reunite across dimensions. But in their ever-complex relationship, finding each other again may only be half the struggle. **5th in the Kings and Lords series**
1. Chapter 1

**A/N **Though involving a possible reunion, this story will not go the route of _Journey's End_. The set-up for this deviation from canon was explained in the previous story _Minutes and Hours._ In short, Rose will not have to face the dilemma of two Doctors. She's going to have her hands full attempting to contend with just one. ;) It also means the Dimension Cannon is going to have a more difficult time finding success with the walls of reality still intact. So a little outside help might be in order…

This will be the final multi-chapter installment to the series that began with _Kings and Lords_, so it feels somewhat bittersweet. But I'm excited to finally bring these two full-circle. I hope you enjoy their journey!

As always, if you're there reading along, I love hearing from you! You're the ones who make the time and effort seem worthwhile and motivate me to update consistently.

* * *

**Chapter 1**

With a mighty blast of power, a trans-dimensional cannon fired. A solid beam of massive energy shot from the Earth, through the stratosphere, and connected with the almighty walls which stood as a formidable blockade between universes in an attempt to breach the otherwise impenetrable.

The attempt was unsuccessful. The dimensional walls were ruthless and unyielding.

Hope for success was not yet surrendered, but achieving the impossible was about to take an alternate route, coming in a form no one anticipated.

-:-:-:-

Rose Tyler stood in the center of a stark-white room which was currently an epicenter of activity. There had been a time when simply being in this place would have made bile rise in her throat from the tormenting reminder of the moment she had first arrived here. At the far, desolate end of the room, she had beat her fists on the unyielding wall and screamed for someone, anyone, to take her back. Back to where she belonged. Back to her own world and the man she loved beyond measure. In a single agonizing instant, this room had become a prison. Now, however, this place stood as a reminder not of what she had lost, but what she was determined to once again find.

_If_ she was successful.

So far, success had been bitterly elusive. The Dimension Cannon Project had been the result of nearly three tireless years of work. Rose Tyler had arrived in this universe with next to nothing. But she _did_ possess one mission: find a way out. The only way out was through the impenetrable walls of reality. The walls that stood to separate her from her original universe, and most importantly, the walls that separated her from the Doctor – the man she loved, the man she had married unexpected to them both, the man with whom she had shared a sacred bond. A bond of mind and soul.

Rose had begun working for Torchwood almost immediately upon arrival, having a direct inroad to the organization through Director Pete Tyler, the parallel version of her father. '_Think I know a thing or two about aliens,' _she had told the Doctor that gray, bitter day on a Norwegian beach. It was the natural choice, which had nothing to do with nepotism and everything to do with her unique qualifications. Torchwood dealt in the realm of the extraterrestrial. Rose had rare experience in this regard. Alien encounters had been her life since adulthood. Her few, all-too short years with the Doctor had given her more experience than most cultivated in a lifetime. Certainly in this arena.

And what else would she have done? Settled into the dry, fictitious role of Vitex heiress? Not bloody likely. This was a role she had to play on occasion – the little-known daughter of Peter and Jacqueline Tyler who had lived a private, guarded childhood, or so the story went – but playing such a role was _not_ to be the sum total of her new life.

And so, Rose had joined forces with this universe's version of Torchwood. Unlike the organization in her home world, this Torchwood had been seized by the People's Republic, ending the corruption. The re-organized infrastructure was now a smaller operation than it had once been, but it was impressive just the same, with available potentials Rose never could have created on her own.

Rose had thrown herself not only into the work of defending the Earth, but finding a way back to her own. Thus, the Dimension Cannon Project was initiated. Pete Tyler had given the okay for this. He was one of the few who knew the full details of her circumstances, and he would have been hard pressed to deny her this needed resource. She and the Doctor had saved two universes at the cost of each other. He owed her this much. He owed the Doctor this much. Jackie had not been entirely keen on the idea, but she knew the Doctor and Rose deserved this, too.

His reasons for approving the project went beyond personal grounds, though. The fact was, Torchwood needed an ally when it came to dealing with alien threats. This planet was beginning to get noticed. The Cybermen and Daleks were just the beginning. There had been numerous other encounters of the alien nature since then. Some innocuous, some not. Pete had clear knowledge of just what the Doctor was capable of in this regard. If ever this Earth was in need of defending and Torchwood had exhausted its capabilities, the day would come when they would need outside help. If that help could come from someone such as the Doctor, no value could be assigned to such an asset. So if a portal could be created in which the Doctor could be reached, it was within Torchwood's best interest to do so.

With Torchwood's top scientists and engineers working on the matter, the Dimension Cannon reached the preliminary planning stages in a few short months. Bringing it into working reality had taken a few years longer. And now, finding success with the first working prototype was looking as if it would take longer still. Or possibly might never occur at all. The attempts were not having the success that had been anticipated.

At first, the greatest foreseen difficulty was thought to be in locating and crossing through to the correct parallel universe out of the mass of potential realities. They would need something that had originated from the target universe to act as a matching puzzle piece to identify the correct one – something that had developed in that world and shared its inhabitant's signature molecular structure. The answer was aptly simple: Rose. Her unique biosignature – which differed minutely on the sub-atomic level from those in this world yet shared elements with those in the parallel – would serve as a part of the Cannon's homing mechanism.

With that solved, it seemed they were just a step away from achievement. The calculations were correct, the theory behind the groundbreaking technology sound. The problem existed in the impenetrable nature of the walls of reality.

The Doctor had told Rose that crossing through from one world into the next was impossible. And even if it could be achieved, two universes could fracture and collapse in the process. Rose would do nearly anything to return to him, but she was not selfish or reckless enough to risk the destruction of worlds in order to do so. However, a theory had been devised in which a small portal could be created and stabilized with surprisingly little harm. Torchwood's scientific minds had studied the issue in length and explained things like linear particle flow and the natural stabilizing factor of combined atomic orbitals. But in short, a small but stable portal may be possible if the walls could be penetrated just so, with near-surgical precision.

The trouble was making this theory into a reality.

Three attempts had been made with the Cannon in the past week since finally bringing it online. After months and months of planning and hypothesizing, they were finally seeing the reality of what they were up against. For all of the theorized potential, success was looking more and more like a far-off fantasy.

Aside from all this, the Cannon was not the only issue Torchwood was currently facing, driving home the notion of how valuable someone like the Doctor could be at a time like this.

Four days earlier, satellites had detected something penetrating Earth's atmosphere. A short time later, unknown energy readings had been detected northeast of London, in the vicinity of Norfolk. Yet there were no physical signs of anything in the area. Something in that general vicinity was giving off unidentified energy readings, but the more focused and precise the scans, the more distorted the readings became, making it unable to be pinpointed. Teams had combed the general area but found nothing. Something _was_ there, however. And whether it would prove harmless or detrimental, they had no way of knowing.

This was yet another example of a time when they could use someone like the Doctor. Unfortunately, that already far-reaching chance was looking less and less hopeful.

-:-:-:-

It was getting late, and the DC team would soon be wrapping up another unsuccessful day. Rose maneuvered past the remaining members of the team who were still attempting to calculate why today's most recent attempt of the Dimension Cannon had failed.

Taking a breather from the dismal analyses, she made her way over to the tall glass windows of Torchwood Tower overlooking Canary Wharf. With a pensive gaze, she observed the city below, its occupants ambling to and fro in the evening's bustle as a late-summer workday came to a close. Despite the diversity of the population, there was a similar characteristic to each individual which served to set them apart from her.

They belonged here. She didn't.

It was a feeling that had been almost suffocating during her first months in this world. As time passed and Rose carved out a place for herself within the Torchwood organization, the feeling faded, but was never once extinguished. Moments like this served to stir that sense of displacement.

The sound of an approaching voice brought her mind back to the present.

"Rose?"

She turned to see Pete Tyler walking towards her. She offered an acknowledging smile that didn't reach her eyes, before turning back to gaze outside. He joined her at the windows, looking outward as he spoke.

"You alright?" he asked.

"Never better. Not since bein' here, at least," she replied in a grim tone. Rose drew in a long breath, trying to rein-in the dismal attitude. "Sorry. Just…tell everyone to give me a good kick if I become too much of a misery to be around."

The older man half-smiled. "Nah. Then you'd be too bruised and battered to attend those Vitex functions you love so much."

She snorted. "Thanks."

"Anything I can do to help," he answered back seriously, the lighter tone fading. He turned his head and regarded her for a moment before continuing. "You know, the Cannon wasn't built overnight. It took nearly three years just to get it to this point. Just because we haven't had success yet doesn't mean we won't."

Rose sighed heavily. "I know. It's just that before, we had so much hope. But now…" She shook her head. "If only it looked like it had just a _chance_ of actually getting through."

"It does," he encouraged her. "It might not be capable of penetrating directly through just yet, but it's had an effect. That's something."

"We'd have to increase the strength to get all the way through," Rose concluded, aware of the current determinations being made. She turned to face him. "But we're already operating at the maximum limit for safety. To increase the power output would be dangerous. It could cause the damage we've been trying to avoid with this. You won't risk that. I…I couldn't either."

"There might be another way," he offered optimistically, though both knew no such alternative existed at this point.

Her eyes darkened as the flicker of hope within them dimmed. "And what if there's not? What if this is it? The end of the only chance I had?"

His voice was gentle as he offered the only consolation that could be given. "Then you tried."

Pete placed a hand on her shoulder and gave an affectionate squeeze, then stepped away. Rose turned back to gaze blankly out the window as the light of another day faded.

A universe away, the opposite side of reality's obstinate walls remained unbreached. But from the other side of this omnipotent divide, the effort had _not_ gone unnoticed.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N **A look at the flip side.

* * *

**Chapter 2**

The TARDIS rattled, lurched, then emitted a low, resounding wheeze. A tumbled tousle of ginger hair lifted from the pillow that the previously-sleeping woman was now gripping for dear life. Startled fear gave way to burgeoning wrath, and the pillow still held in her clutches was in danger of becoming a shredded pile of murdered fluff on the floor in vented fury.

"Bloody, stupid alien," came the groggy but incensed voice, grumbling into the darkness.

Needless to say, Donna Noble was not in the best of moods as she awoke from her interrupted slumber. He was at it again. That exasperating alien and his late night 'tinkering' was going to be the death of her. It was certainly the death of her full night's sleep. She'd now been awoken three times in the past week with the shaking and rattling of the ship.

The first time the disturbing turbulence occurred, she'd bolted to the console room in alarm, fearing an imminent crash. The Doctor had given her his best innocent expression (which never worked on her and _always_ spelled trouble), to which he had stated he was merely tinkering. She'd sourly told him to confine his _tinkering_ to decent hours. Then, after he'd launched into a long-winded babble about the relativity of time onboard the TARDIS and the impossibility of quantifying a 'decent hour', she'd wished she'd just stayed in bed.

When it had happened the second time, she'd done just that, lying awake through the bumping and jostling, waiting and praying for it to pass. But now this was the third time, and it was getting out of hand. The bumpy ride wasn't just occurring at night now, either. It seemed every time she turned around lately, the Doctor's driving was rattling her teeth in their sockets. During moments of merciful downtime, he was constantly entrenched in work at the console, no doubt repairing whatever latest damage had likely been done.

They hadn't even been off the TARDIS in nearly a week. Their last grand adventure had involved Agatha Christie and a giant, unpleasant wasp, and though there had been some aspects she'd have just as well done without, she'd gladly trade this confinement for a bit of open air and travel again. But whatever the Doctor was working on, it was consuming all his time as of late. The man had a tendency to fixate, she'd come to learn, but this was taking it to the extreme, even for him.

She had tried to ask him about it, to get some answers as to what this was all about, but without much success. He'd rattle out some complicated drivel but wouldn't really say anything of value. Donna had come to know the Doctor well enough to realize that there was more to all this than he was letting on, but getting that man to open up was sometimes an impossible feat. He could talk for England, but seldom about the things that really mattered.

If that's how the Doctor wanted it, then fine. She wasn't here to be his psychologist. But Donna wanted a few things, too. Namely: sleep.

Rolling out of bed, the unlawfully-woken woman yawned drowsily as she reached for her fluffy white dressing gown and slipped it on over her blue flannel jimjams. She secured the sash of her gown and stepped into a matching pair of white fuzzy slippers. She left the disturbed quiet of her TARDIS bedroom and began down a maze of corridors in the eventual direction of the console room.

As predicted, it was there she found the object of her search, peering at the view screen while intermittently fiddling with buttons and levers, along with scrawling furiously in a ledger – all at once. He was a flurry of mad activity, and it was little wonder he didn't even notice she'd come in.

Donna folded her arms over her chest and let out a loud, heavy sigh.

"Don't you _ever_ sleep?"

The Doctor looked over his hunched shoulder, ever briefly, then returned his focus to…whatever it was that currently had his focus.

"I'm a Time Lord, Donna," he responded off-handedly, as if that explained every answer to every question she could ever pose to him.

She unfolded her arms and walked a few steps closer, her slipper-clad feet dodging the various gizmos he had strewn across the grated floor. "Yeah, got that bit, thanks. So like I just asked, don't you ever sleep? Even just nip off for a quick kip? Any smidgeon of normal rest whatsoever?"

He looked up at her over the dark rims of his glasses, a trace of annoyance clearly visible. "I'm not the one who should be sleeping right now."

She snorted. "Oh, believe me, I'd like nothing more! But _you're_ keeping me awake with…," she waved her hands to indicate the room at large, "whatever it is you're doing out here in the middle of the night when you _should_ be sleeping like a normal person. Alien. Whatever."

He turned his attention back to the monitor, voice taking on that slightly superior, lecturing tone. "Actually, it's _not_ really the middle of the night. Time within the TARDIS is rel–"

"Oh, stuff it!" she warned. "If you rattle off that sorry excuse just once more, so help me. I don't care what 'time' you consider it to be, I need sleep _right._ _now_."

"Then why aren't you in bed?" he questioned, being purposely obtuse.

"Do you _want_ a slap? Is that it?"

He sighed, finally turning toward her. "I'll try to keep the TARDIS a little more…still. Better?"

"What is it you're doing, anyway?" she asked, coming closer and peering at the various notes he'd scrawled. Nonsensical loops and curlicues. That was a fat lot of help. "What have you been working on? You've barely even left this room for days."

The Doctor turned back to the monitor, but she'd caught the retreat in his eyes as his reply came quietly. "It's complicated."

"'Course it is," she deadpanned. "When it comes to you, even breathing is complicated."

He straightened back up, the set of his jaw tight. "I've detected a disturbance within the fabric of reality, and I'm attempting to keep the universe itself from caving in secondary to a dimensional destabilization cascade within the relative continuum. Is that a more satisfactory answer?"

Ignoring the patronizing tone of his diatribe, Donna grew serious. "Is it really something that dangerous?"

"Not if I can fix it."

"Can you?"

"Should do. Provided I don't crawl into bed and wallow away in sleep."

"Oh, alright. You win," she relented. "I suppose I can do without a bit of sleep when the cloth of realism–"

"Fabric of reality," he corrected.

"Whatever. What I was _trying_ to say is, what can I do to help?"

His expression softened. "Go back to sleep."

"Like that's gonna happen," she laughed.

"I'll try to keep the TARDIS a little more calm and quiet as I work on this."

Donna shook her head. "No, Doctor. Seriously. I'll help. Just tell me what I can do."

"Donna, really. It's fine. I appreciate the offer, but I've got it under control."

She surveyed the chaos around them – manically scribbled notes and strewn devices all littering the room. "Doesn't look like it." He gave her one of _those_ looks. A look that said she was close to pushing too far. "Alright. Fine. Have it your way. I'll try to get some sleep while you try to save the universe…_quietly_."

He cracked a half smile. "Pleasant dreams, then."

Donna began to turn and head back toward the corridor, but curiosity made her swivel back around for one last question. "_Do_ you actually ever sleep?"

"Occasionally," he answered absently, his focus already back on his work.

"Where?"

The Doctor looked up, face taking on a frown.

"I mean…I've never even seen that you actually have a bedroom of your own," she went on. "You're always in here fiddling or in the galley peeling a banana or dragging me to the media room to watch some barmy film from Pluto. But I've never seen you just…I dunno…turn in for the night to your own room."

He straightened. His posture was stiff, hands shoved down in his trouser pockets. He was closing himself off. "The TARDIS is infinite, Donna. You've hardly seen it all."

"So you _do_ have a room?" she pressed.

"Why does it matter?" he nearly snapped.

She held up her hands. "Oi. No need to get tetchy. Just asking. Because there's so much about you that no one really even knows. It's like you have all these Big Time Lord Secrets…"

"It's not a secret. It's just not important," he answered quietly, making her suspect the opposite when it came to the significance of this topic.

"Riiight," she responded slowly, drawing out the word. "Not important. Got it. Forget I even asked something so trivial."

The Doctor removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes with long, weary fingers. "I didn't mean to snap."

She shrugged. "I didn't mean to pry."

He smirked. "Yes, you did."

"Maybe just a tiny bit," she conceded, hiding a smile.

"I have a room," he finally answered on a long exhale. "I hardly use it because I hardly need it. End of a rather boring story."

"Why do I not believe you about the boring bit?" she mused. "Time Lord taboo, if you ask me. Oh! Maybe you're hiding a harem. Is that it? C'mon. Fess up!" she teased. He wasn't bantering back in their usual fashion. Instead, his eyes became guarded and held a warning. "But this is me, _not_ prying," she finished, voice serious again. "Right, then. I'm going back to sleep. Someday, you should find a room for yourself somewhere and do the same."

"Good night, Donna," he offered as she walked from the room.

"Thought you said there was no such thing on the TARDIS," she spoke over her shoulder with a triumphant smirk.

"I'm appeasing you," he called back.

Donna snorted. "There's a first!"

The Doctor watched his dear but outspoken friend leave the room, the slight smile dropping from his face the moment she was out of sight and he was alone.

Why did she have to bring up _that_ topic – now of all times? He had a room. Of course he did.

The room he had once shared with Rose. All too briefly.

There were days when he would retreat to that room and never wish to leave. There were other days when he couldn't get far enough away from it. Away from the haunting memories. Away from the pain.

But whether running from or clinging to them, those memories were all he had left. Never had the memories been more prevalent in his thoughts than these past several days. Thoughts of a parallel world were consuming his mind. Throughout the universe, there were an infinite number of alternate realities stacked against one another, but his thoughts were focused on one in particular. He could think of little else, considering the nature of the issue he had just explained, albeit briefly, to Donna.

Something was disturbing the walls of reality. Specifically, the walls between worlds. But not from _this_ side. Some type of force was being exerted on the other end, and he feared cracks were on the verge of forming. It was almost as if something was attempting to push through from whatever existed on the other side.

Aching, forbidden temptation to throw caution to the Vortex and fully pursue this potential danger straight through to its source was stirring deep down in his core due to the slim, slim flicker of hope as to where it might lead. But he had already made the grievous mistake of giving in to the temptation of something monumentally dangerous once before, with serious consequences. Never again.

So instead, the Doctor had been taking the TARDIS close to the area of trans-dimensional instability in attempts to get a clearer reading of the anomaly, but encountered turbulence the closer he got to the unstable zone. As of yet, he had no sure clue of its specific origins, no clue of the threat it may possess, no clue as to whether this apparent weakening of universal walls could lead to the one place he longed to be more than any other in the multiverse. He only knew one thing:

He had to stop it.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N **Thanks once again to **T'Kirr** for lending an ear on one of the elements herein. She helps keep me sane while writing stories that are slightly the opposite. ;)

* * *

**Chapter 3**

It had been a long and frustrating day of non-success with the Cannon, along with no new answers regarding the brewing issue of unexplained energy readings in Norfolk, leaving Rose mentally and physically drained by the time she returned to her flat that night.

Just a few minutes' walk from Torchwood, the East Tower apartments stood tall, with flats of floor-to-ceiling glass overlooking Canary Wharf's financial center. The lift doors slid open with a 'ding' upon reaching the thirteenth floor. Rose exited and approached the door to her flat. Key in hand, she turned the lock and stepped inside, sliding her bag from her shoulder and dropping her keys with a tinkling clatter onto the glass-topped entry table.

The one bedroom layout featured a generously-sized master suite, open kitchen with bar overlooking the living space, and rich wood floors throughout. It was certainly a posh step up from the Powell Estate, but Rose's interest in choosing it was based on location. Rose had moved in a little over two years prior, shortly after her baby brother Tony was born. With the Dimension Cannon project in full swing and the hours she had begun keeping at Torchwood, it was much more practical to be close by.

Despite this being her current living space, Rose had shown no interest in decorating or turning this place into a home, though it was still decently furnished in a modern style with warm tones and clean lines. Jackie had taken it upon herself to see to that. Even still, Rose had few personal items embellishing the space. But then, she'd come here with no former possessions. All irreplaceable mementos had been left behind either at the Powell Estate or on the TARDIS. Here, other than some photos over the fireplace of her family and the handful of friends she'd made while here, there was little else showing her life in this world – a world in which she had once never even existed.

The flat itself had become more of an extended workspace for Rose than a home. Scattered about were schematics of the Dimension Cannon, graphs of dimensional theories and formulas, and books on advanced subjects she once would have considered foreign, but had quickly become a part of her everyday life and vocabulary. She often wondered if the Doctor would be proud.

With that question came thoughts of past Torchwood missions, the necessary weapons she'd sometimes carried, the unavoidable actions she'd sometimes taken. Now and then a dark voice whispered in reproach, telling her she already had the answer to that question. Still, she couldn't help wonder just the same. How would he view the life she now lived, the woman she had fully grown into and become?

She wondered a thousand different things when it came to him. There wasn't a day that passed when she didn't try to imagine where the Doctor was and what he might be doing. Was he searching for her as desperately as she was searching for him, or had he run and not looked back? Was he okay? Had he been able to pick up the pieces and carry on? Had he allowed anyone else into his life? Would he ever love again?

Rubbing her temples as the recurrent thoughts swirled, Rose walked to the kitchen to prepare a hot cuppa, having no real appetite for a full dinner. She filled the kettle and put it on the stove, then took out her favorite blue mug from the overhead cabinet.

A few minutes later, Rose brought her steaming beverage of spiced Darjeeling to her lips and took a long, appreciative sip. She unzipped her standard black boots and kicked them off as she crossed back into the living space. She sat down on the beige suede couch facing the windows, one leg tucked beneath her as she gazed out at the glowing city skyline through the tall windows, another day's stress fading into memory.

She glanced down at the glass coffee table where the previous day's Sunday paper sat amongst the strewn books on physics and dimensional theories. Her friend and team member, Jake Simmonds, had made a brief mention of it to her earlier that day, due to the Society Column once again featuring her in what they apparently considered to be a newsworthy event. With a smirk, he had suggested she and Mickey give it a read because it might at least bring a laugh. Rose picked up the paper with a sigh, prepared for the latest gossip on the Vitex heiress.

The latest society event she'd attended over the past weekend was hosted by Vitex. The posh evening gala doubled as a fundraiser for a local charity that supported single mothers through transportation assistance and daycare provisions, a cause Jackie had taken up partnership with.

That was all well and good, but Rose just couldn't grasp why the press tended to consider her a person of interest simply due to her relation to the wealthy Pete Tyler. In reality, though, it was the mystery surrounding her that grabbed their attention. Pete had created an identity for her in this world so that those who went back to check her story would indeed find a birth record. It was still tricky, however, explaining her sudden appearance. It had been somewhat easier for Jackie. It was said that the original reports of her death during the Cybermen attack had been false, and she had simply kept a low profile away from the media while recovering from the ordeal. Rose's story was more of a stretch, saying that Pete and Jackie had been highly protective of her through childhood and kept her sheltered from the public eye, to the point that few even knew she'd existed. It wasn't until adulthood that she chose to embrace a more public persona.

It was an unlikely story. Everyone knew that. But no one could disprove it, either. And so, any chance afforded to learn more about her was seized upon by the press. Such as this most recent Vitex function. Her work at Torchwood was kept mostly under wraps, but there was no escaping the occasional spotlight at public events.

Further adding to the mystery of Rose Tyler was that of her 'husband.' Rose glanced down at her left hand where a modest diamond solitaire and gold band glinted in the dim light.

From the start, Rose had made it clear to any man who showed personal interest that she was taken. She had absolutely no desire to form a relationship with anyone else, regardless of how impossible a return to the Doctor might be. She'd eventually found it easier to avoid unwanted advances by sporting a wedding ring. Though she had not worn one while together with the Doctor, they _had_ been married, unexpected and unconventional as it might have been. To the public, the story was told that she had married this past year in a private ceremony to a doctor by the name of Smith who spent most of his time traveling abroad on altruistic medical missions. He was, however, averse to the public eye and chose to avoid accompanying her to publicized events.

The latest Society article focused on the fact that this past weekend's affair was yet another in which her illusive husband had failed to make an appearance. Mickey had accompanied her instead, as he often did. She didn't particularly fancy going to every event alone, and her friend had stepped into the role several times in the past.

Apparently the media was now suggesting that something was brewing between Rose and her unattached friend, Mr. Smith. Who incidentally had the same last name as her 'husband.'

_Perhaps the Vitex heiress has a distinct fondness for Smiths, _the latest gossip now speculated.

Rose shook her head and tossed the article aside. Didn't they have anything better to do? She wasn't particularly fond of being in the public eye, but even less fond of dragging her friends into it.

Rose pulled out her mobile to ring Mickey and let him know she wasn't laughing.

"'_Ello,"_ came the familiar voice on the other end.

"Hey, Mickey," she greeted with a heavy sigh.

"_Oh, I know that tone. Don't tell me you've found a band of renegade Mmmphigits bent on world domination whilst walkin' home again,"_ he quipped.

"Very funny. That was _one_ time. 'S not like I go lookin' for trouble."

He snorted. _"I'm not even goin' there. 'S just too easy."_

She smirked, but put on an affronted tone. "Just for that, I may take back the apology I was about to give you."

He sighed, banter evaporating. _"You're talkin' about that stupid story, right? You don't have to apologize, babe. It's the scum press. 'S not your doing."_

"Why does my personal life even have to be anyone else's concern?" she griped. But they both knew her real hurt over such articles was in the talk of her absent husband. His absence was the last thing Rose needed to be reminded of. "Anyway," she continued, "I know you hate those Vitex events as much as I do. So don't feel like it's somethin' you have to keep–"

"_Pffft. And let you grab all the headlines alone?"_ he cut in. _"Hog the spotlight? Nothin' doin'."_

Rose smiled, her voice soft. "What would I do without you?"

There was a pause on the other end. _"You may find out one day soon once the Cannon is workin' properly."_

Rose hummed non-committedly. "Maybe…"

"_Hey, no one's givin' up just yet," _he encouraged.

"'Course not," she agreed, tone a little surer, then added quietly," but thanks for the reminder."

"_Anytime_. _I'll see you in the morning then, yeah?"_

"Yeah. See ya, Micks."

Rose rang off and pocketed her mobile. She may regret the fact that she was trapped in this universe, but there were several things she was still thankful for – her friends being at the top of the list. She, Mickey and Jake had a strong bond as a team. And while not many could make the transition from exes to best friends, she and Mickey had now managed it with ease. They had both matured substantially from their earlier years. In some ways they were now closer than before.

Rose paused to consider what she _would_ do without Mickey if she were to return to the other universe someday. She had a feeling she might not have to ponder that too deeply. She suspected Mickey would also seize the chance to return to their home universe given the tangible option. He wasn't attached to anyone here relationship wise. He'd dated a bit, but never formed a relationship that amounted to anything serious. He'd been content here early on. It had been a new adventure and one he had made the most of. But his Gran had passed away the year before, and he continued to find himself living in the shadow of Ricky, despite being able to drop the ruse he'd carried for her sake. Lately, Rose sensed that he was ready to take the man he had now become and return to his original universe to thrive. And thrive he would. She had no doubt.

The only doubt Rose had was whether or not either of them would ever get the chance.

-:-:-:-

Depending on one's opinion, it could have been said to be morning onboard the TARDIS. The Doctor had remained in the console room for the duration while Donna finished sleeping. She was right. He'd hardly left this room in days. But the current issue was too important to ignore. Something had been causing a disturbance upon the opposite side of the divisional walls between universes, but despite his efforts, he was still no closer to uncovering exactly what this was or how to stop it.

When Donna found him the next day, the Doctor was still immersed in his work, cross-checking scans and comparing analyses he'd run through the TARDIS' data core.

"I would ask if you ever slept, but it seems like we've been down that winding road before."

He threw a glance over his shoulder to see his ginger-haired companion coming into the room, this time dressed and ready for the day, wearing denims, tunic-length plum blouse and hair pulled up in a bouncy ponytail. She was also (thankfully for the Doctor) sporting a brighter mood.

"Sleep well?" he redirected back to her. "I tried to see to it that things were a little more…peaceful."

"Yeah, I did actually. Thanks." Donna moved next to the jump seat and leaned a hip against the side. "Once I was _finally_ able to sleep without being scrambled like an egg."

"I didn't take the TARDIS near the field of disturbance this time," he explained, turning around and leaning back against the console. "I scanned as best I could from a distance. Made for a smoother ride."

"So when you say 'field of disturbance,' you mean like some sort of…storm in space, or something?" she questioned, attempting to better understand the issue.

"More like the beginnings of a tear," he clarified. "Which could potentially lead to a great big gaping hole."

"What's causing it?"

He shook his head. "Don't know yet. I'm still trying to find out."

"What do you _think's_ causing it? Brain like the one you're always bragging about…you're bound to have ideas."

The Doctor dropped down onto the jump seat, ankles crossed and arms folded. He blew out a breath and made a confession. "I really have no idea. The possibilities are infinite. But whatever is causing it, it's being done from the other side."

"So…something's doing it deliberately, then?"

His brows were knit, voice pensive. "Seems to be."

Donna puzzled it over for a moment as she moved to sit beside him, nudging him over to make room. "You said other side. Does that mean like…another world on the flip side?"

He swallowed, but the word still came out tight and strained. "Yeah."

"A parallel world?" she further ventured.

He paused before answering, eyes drifting off distantly. "Yes."

Donna jumped to her feet, whirling around in front of him. "Doctor, if something's making a way through, then maybe you could get through, too!" she concluded with a lilt of excitement.

"Why would I want to do that?" he asked slowly, his guard clearly up.

She boggled at him as if he'd grown a second head. "Are you serious? You once told me that the walls between worlds were sealed. That there was no way through. And maybe I'm bonkers, but I seem to remember you coming off as just a bit upset about that once upon a time."

"Donna," he cautioned, "I know what you're thinking, but _don't_."

"Why on Earth _not_?" she cried, arms flinging open.

He leaned forward, eyes up and locked with hers. "Because we have no idea what we're even talking about here. There's no such thing as _A _parallel world. There's an infinite number of dimensions. Every single decision we make creates an alternate reality."

"But what if this is the _one_?" she asked with aching, human simplicity. "The one where Ros–"

"And what if it's not?" he abruptly disputed, throat tight. "There's no telling what this could open up if allowed. It could be a world of nightmares, for all I know."

"Or dreams…," she countered. He made a sound of derision. Her eyes studied him for a moment. "Alright then. So you're willing to just throw away this chance without even trying?"

The Doctor stood to his feet, eyes flashing. "Not _trying_? Donna Noble, do you have any idea how much I _have_ tried? I tried nonstop for months after the walls closed, and all I could manage was to get a message sent through one tiny little gap before it was sealed forever. But I didn't stop there. I kept looking, kept trying, kept thinking of endless possible scenarios every day and night in the back of my mind, ideas running constantly – futilely. And finally it drove me so far as to…" The Doctor stopped himself and took several heaving breaths as memories he wasn't proud of pushed to the surface. "You have _no_ _idea_ how much I've _tried_," he finished quietly, body turning away. "Far more than I ever should have."

She was quiet for a moment, then spoke one small question. "Then why stop now?"

He exhaled wearily, turning back. "I told you. I don't even know for sure where this is coming from. I don't know the danger of what might come through if this gap were to open fully. Not to mention the fact that two universes could _collapse_ if it did open."

"Why would universes collapse?" she questioned, trying to get a better understanding of this. "It's just one little spot."

The Doctor stopped to contemplate the query, attempting to put it into understandable terms. "It's like…when you smash through a piece of glass and you're not just left with a single clean hole. Instead, the whole thing fractures and crumbles."

Donna thought about it for a minute. "What if someone didn't smash it? What if they just…I dunno…gave a careful push?"

He shook his head. "It would still crumble. All that pressure being exerted on one side would cause it to cave in."

"But all the pressure wouldn't have to come from one side," she reasoned. "Whatever started this is pushing from there, and you could come up with a way to push from _here_ at the same time."

"Then the force would be distributed and the pressure would equalize…," he murmured, a possibility coming to life in his mind which he had not even allowed himself to consider.

His gut instinct had been to stop it, not _assist_ it. A forceful one-way penetration through the walls of reality posed a great danger. But _equalizing_ the force might substantially lessen the risk. The Doctor's knees nearly weakened at the prospect. And all it had taken was that little spark of simplistic human reasoning to see this possibility which he had overlooked in his single-minded approach. Maybe he shouldn't have even been surprised by that. This had been his experience with humans for centuries.

Donna took two steps toward him, drawing him out of his racing thoughts. "Doctor, it could actually work, couldn't it?" she questioned with quiet, barely contained excitement.

"Yeah," he whispered hoarsely.

"Well, that's it!" she exclaimed with a shout of glee. "Oh, this is _brilliant_!"

The Doctor sobered, his mind coming back to reality. "Hardly. This is all theory. A theory is a far cry from a sure thing. And even if it _could_ be opened safely, I still don't know where this gap could lead."

"Seems to me there's only one way to find out," she answered determinedly, head cocking in a challenge.

He eyed her sternly. "That, Donna, is a reckless statement."

She snorted a laugh. "You ought'a love it, then. Since when have you ever been Mister I'm-So-Cautious?"

He crossed his arms. "Donna, we're talking about the fate of the universe."

She crossed hers back. "Usually are when it comes to you."

"And I'm usually trying to _preserve_ it. Not jeopardize it. Not again…," he added on a murmur.

She unfolded her arms. "Doctor, I'm not talking about barging through blindly. Do what you've been doing best this past week. Use all this…stuff you've got lying around here to study it. Analyze it. Learn all you can and find a way to make it work and make it safe."

The Doctor released a long breath. He turned and sat back down heavily, looking supremely conflicted.

"Do you even want this?" she finally asked, hands coming to rest on her hips. "I know this is a long shot and there could be risks. I get that. But this is a chance, at least a _chance_ to get through to a place that's otherwise off limits. A chance to…" His eyes shot up. She held his gaze. "A chance to find _Rose_ again. I thought you would want that. I thought she was special to you."

His eyes instantly darkened, drilling into hers. "You think that I don't _want_ to find her?"

She held her arms out. "Well, what _do_ you want, Doctor? 'Cause right now I'm not even sure."

The Doctor's answering voice was quiet, distant and weary as he gazed off, focusing on nothing other than his thoughts. "Oh, I want so many things. _Too_ many things. Things I should forget. Things that can never be. I want my people still in existence. I want my planet still occupying the mighty constellation of Kasterborous. I want my TARDIS not to be as alone and void of her own kind as I am. I want wars to end and worlds to stop destroying each other. And I want–" His hands clenched into tight fists against his thighs, voice straining, words constricted. "And I want my _wife – _here, smiling, living, breathing, by my side."

His words ended with a catch in his throat.

Donna couldn't even speak.

She stared at him with wide eyes, for once stunned into silence for several long moments. She finally managed to find her voice, words coming out in sheer disbelief. "Your…your _what_?"

He merely looked up at her slowly, anguish churning behind the storm.

"Y-you mean that Rose was…was your…?"

"Yeah," he whispered throatily, eyes shifting down.

"But you…you never _said_."

"Does it matter?" he responded, toneless.

Her jaw went slack. A few seconds later it snapped shut. She narrowed her eyes at him, voice rising incredulously. "Oh, mate! You better hope you _don't_ find her if that's your attitude. 'Cause you deserve to be slapped into the next century for that!"

The Doctor abruptly stood, thrusting his hands into his pockets as he paced a few steps. "I didn't mean it like that. What I meant is it doesn't change how badly I want her back, whether she was or she wasn't."

"Then _for_ _heaven's sake_, take this chance," Donna once again urged, voice soft but imploring.

He was silent.

"You're afraid," she at last concluded. "You just told me about your past attempts, how you tried and failed, and now you're afraid of failing again. Afraid of trying and losing."

She gave him a minute to respond. He finally nodded, the movement barely perceptible.

"But what if this time it _works_?" she continued, voice desperately urging him to grab ahold of a tiny piece of hope.

"And what if it doesn't?" he rebutted quietly.

"Then at least you would have tried," she finished, echoing a now multi-universal statement.

His eyes finally lifted again, and this time she saw a small spark of life, dim but existent. She inwardly willed with every fiber of her being for this mad possibility to work. Because if his last effort failed and that fragile spark died now, she doubted it could ever rekindle.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N **Donna learns more about the Doctor's past and makes a decision about the immediate future.

* * *

**Chapter 4**

Thanks to Donna's simplistic and brilliant human persistence, the Doctor had found that push he needed to attempt to assist the opening of this dimensional gap. In truth, he knew that if he passed up this rare opportunity, the regretful question of 'what if' would haunt him day and night. Despite past attempts and failures, he had to give this one last try. The Doctor tried to keep his emotions detached, focusing on the pragmatics of the task and not the potential triumph or defeat that could come with it. Working like a madman was the only way to stay a step ahead of the fantastic and frightening potentials vying for the consumption of his thoughts. Now that he had made up his mind to attempt this, he was singly focused and unstoppable.

Donna thought she had seen him intently focused before this. It didn't compare to the drive he now had. He spent countless hours poring over diagrams and charts and dimensional data. Donna noted just a day later, with equal parts amusement and alarm, that he was beginning to resemble the classic mad scientist in his obsessive pursuit.

She highly doubted he'd stopped to even consider something as simple as eating in the midst of all this, so she soon took on her own task of overseeing his basic needs. Because if this truly worked and the Doctor achieved his extraordinary goal, she didn't think Rose would appreciate having her husband returned to her as a half-starved, even skinnier streak of nothing than he already was.

Husband.

Donna still found the very idea hard to grasp. She had been gobsmacked by the revelation, to say the least. Days before she had wondered if he even had a bedroom. Turns out he not only had said room, but apparently had shared it with a _wife_. She knew the Doctor held a lot of things inside by nature, but she never suspected he'd been holding back something like this. He just didn't seem like the type to commit in such a profound way, nor did he seem the type to become romantically entangled to such a degree. Sure, it was obvious whenever the subject came up that he had felt strongly toward this woman named Rose. He had been lonely, and she had been there to fill that substantial void. Donna had always suspected that maybe he had even allowed himself to fall in love. But to have married this human girl? The Doctor was full of astounding surprises, that was for sure.

Donna mused over these recent revelations as she stood in the galley, preparing a lunch of sandwiches and tea for them both. She then loaded a tray and brought the food to the library where the Doctor had taken up temporary residence.

Ordinarily, the room exuded a sense of calm in the midst of a hectic life of intergalactic travel. The warm tranquil space – with its floor-to-ceiling bookshelves, cozy fireplace with overstuffed couch and armchairs situated around the glowing warmth, and stately corner desk of rich mahogany – all served to create an ambiance of comfort and quiet repose. Now, however, the space was beginning to resemble a science study gone awry, with strewn blueprints, piles of open books and a scattering of notes littering the floor and covering the desk – the place he often sat for hours at a time when not sprawled on the floor immersed in making sketches.

She crossed into the room of disorganized madness and spied the Doctor on the far right side. As she suspected, he sat behind the desk, flipping through books and scrawling across an oversized chart which took up half the desktop. He stopped to tug at his hair, making it plain to see how it had achieved this new level of gravity-defying chaos. The current style matched his overall appearance. His glasses were slightly askew on the end of his nose, jacket tossed haphazardly over the back of the chair, tie hanging loose and shirtsleeves rolled up unevenly.

"You look like yesterday's rubbish," Donna commented frankly. She moved over to the desk and placed the tray of food down on a small corner she managed to clear with her elbow.

He glanced up only briefly, long enough to mutter a dry, "Thanks."

She shrugged. "It's true." He continued scrawling the elaborate diagram, with whirling curves and spirals. "You need to eat something," she insisted. "It might at least make an improvement."

"Later," he replied distractedly.

Donna reached for the large diagram, pulling it out from beneath him and rolling it up.

"Donna!"

"Finally, I have your attention," she crowed in victory.

"No, you have my chart! And I need that back. Right. Now."

"You also need to eat. I'm guessing even Time Lords can starve to death. You always looked halfway there, anyways," she added with a smirk. "Lose any weight and there'll be nothing left but a wilted pile of pinstripes. And a fat lot of good that'll be to anyone."

He gave her a stubborn, scathing look that was only outmatched by her own.

Donna sighed with exasperation and rolled her eyes. "Oh, honestly. If you're gonna behave like a petulant child then you have to be treated like one. Chew, swallow, repeat. Five minutes and you're done. Deal?"

He narrowed his eyes at her from behind his specs. "You're not going to leave me alone until I do, are you?"

She smiled shrewdly. "I think you know the answer to that."

With a noise akin to a growl, he reached for the nearest prawn mayo on the tray and took a large, angry bite.

"Oi! How are you gonna help the situation if you choke to death? Not to mention you've got the table etiquette of a monkey. No wonder you and bananas get on so well. Didn't they teach you any manners on Mars?"

He knew she was just attempting to get him to volley back now, trying to de-stress his mind for a few brief moments by giving in to a round of banter.

He swallowed and took a long swig of his tea. "No more manners than they taught you on Earth, apparently," he retorted with a slight smirk, some of the tension easing.

"Riiight," she drawled. "'Cause it's bad manners to go to the trouble of bringing someone life-saving food so they don't starve themselves into the grave. How rude of me."

"I do appreciate it, you know," he replied in a quieter tone, taking another sip.

"Well, you should," she answered primly, fighting back a smile. "But just don't expect this to become a habit. I'm not your galley slave. Or your mum."

"Thank Rassilon," he muttered.

She cut him a sidelong glance as she took her own sandwich and sat down in the leather armchair across from the desk. "Shut up and eat, Skinny Boy."

The two ate in comfortable silence for a few minutes before Donna spoke back up. She was finding it difficult to restrain her curiosity since learning the latest significant fact about the Doctor. Now that she had this brief opportunity to ask more, she was going to take it.

"So…you and Rose…" He looked up, eyes taking on that expression she'd come to recognize as guarded. She proceeded in a gentle tone, hoping to learn more but not wishing to open wounds. "How did all that come about, then?"

"What do you mean?" he questioned, deliberately evasive as he took another sip of tea.

"I mean…you know…_married_, and all. You just…well," she shrugged. "I never pegged you as the type. Let's put it that way."

A faint, sad smile ghosted across his face. "Maybe I wasn't. I was a bit rubbish at it, actually."

"Why doesn't that surprise me?" she commented lightly.

"You should've seen what happened on the honeymoon," he further mused, recalling a first trip a planet called Paradise – a pleasure trip that was initially anything but. As for the second trip, well...

She held up a hand. "Okay, you can stop right there. That's a visual I can _definitely_ live without, Sunshine."

Donna smirked as she teased him, but his face remained reflective, lost in painful memory.

"And in the end, I couldn't even save her," he continued in a haunted tone, eyes distant.

She gently thumped the side of the desk. "Hey. None of that. She's still alive, isn't she?" Donna pointed out.

A look of deepening fear stole across his face. She knew what he was thinking. What if Rose wasn't? Anything could have happened during their time apart. He really had no way of knowing.

Donna quickly redirected the subject. "So what was the big event like? The wedding, I mean. A church? A tux? The works?" Even as she asked, Donna was having a supremely difficult time imagining it.

"No. It wasn't a traditional Earth ceremony," he explained. "It wasn't even _on_ Earth."

Donna half-smiled. "Now that sounds more like you."

"It wasn't even planned, actually." He frowned, mind recalling the event. "There was no proposal or even a discussion beforehand. It came about more as a way to stop an underhanded plot."

"That sounds even _more_ like you," she chuckled.

"Rose was being forced into marrying another. I took his place instead. It's…," he blew a puff of air past his lips, "…a very long story."

Donna furrowed her brow, trying to understand. "So…it didn't really count, then?"

His eyes flashed with intensity as his voice dropped low. "It counted."

Donna gave a small nod, finishing her tea. She certainly wasn't going to push _that_ any further. His feelings on the matter were quite plain to see. Switching back to the current issue at hand, she inquired of his progress. "So how's it all coming? You think this might actually work?"

He let out a deep exhale, eyes roaming over his notes and charts. "I won't know for sure until I actually attempt to take the TARDIS through. But…I think there's a strong possibility that it might, yes."

Her eyes lit with hope. "How soon until you're ready to try?"

His voice was that of trepidation edged with undeniable excitement. "A day or two left at the most."

"Seriously?!"

He nodded. "I think I've finally found a way to create a partial penetration from this side while stabilizing the surrounding area and equalizing the pressure as the breach is opened. If and when the walls begin to destabilize again from the other side, I'll be ready. You may want to start getting a few of your things together now so you'll be ready to leave when the time comes."

She stared at him. "_Leave_?"

His tone was matter-of-fact but firm. "While I attempt this, yes."

Donna laughed, the sound coming out indignant. "Not bloody likely."

"Donna…," he warned.

"Don't you 'Donna' me in that tone," she shot back. "I'm not gonna leave you on your own to do this, and you very well know that."

"Yes, you _are_," he stubbornly argued. "This is dangerous. The TARDIS might not even make it through. She fell into the parallel world once before, a long time ago, and it's a wonder she even survived."

"Well there we are, then. You made it through in one piece before–"

"Barely. And are you forgetting that I have no sure idea where this will even lead or what might be waiting on the other side if the TARDIS _does_ make it through?"

"I'm willing to bet we have a pretty fair idea."

He crossed his arms. "It is _far_ too dangerous."

She mirrored his posture. "Every day with you is far too dangerous. I knew that when I asked if it was always like this with you. And yet, here I am. Staying."

"But I never try to _knowingly_ or _willingly_ put you in danger," he reasoned.

"_You're_ not putting me in danger. _I'm_ choosing to stay," she countered.

"No, you're _not_."

Donna opened her mouth to give another automatic retort, but stopped short when a new thought suddenly occurred to her. "You don't want me there if you find Rose again. Is that it? No room for–"

He shook his head. "No. Of course that's not it. I've just _told_ you the reason."

"And I told you I'm staying. That's the end of it. We do this together, Doctor. Because you're gonna need someone. And if you think I'm the type to just leave when things get tough then you've obviously never bothered to really get to know me at all."

The Doctor carefully regarded this human female – her kind consistently and characteristically the most stubborn of all creatures. "There's no making you see reason, is there?" he finally concluded.

"Funny, I was about to ask you the same thing," she stated breezily.

He sat back and frowned. "Alright, Donna Noble. If you insist on having it your way. But I don't want to hear your dying words be, _'This is all your fault. I should've stayed home,'_" he mimicked her voice, parroting a past statement.

"Don't let me die and you won't," Donna replied with a pleasant smile. "There. Wasn't that easy? Now, finish working on…whatever it is you're working on, then let's go do the impossible."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N **Fasten your seatbelts and prepare for turbulence…

* * *

**Chapter 5**

Two days later, the Doctor was nearly ready to, as Donna had put it, do the impossible. The method had been formulated, calculations complete, and variables accounted for to the best of his ability to ensure this would be done as safely as possible. Now came the truly difficult bit.

The Doctor had continued his attempt to keep his emotions detached so he could focus solely on the work to be done, but one emotion refused to lay silent. The truth of the matter was, the Doctor was terrified by this. Ordinarily the great unknown thrilled him, fueled his enthusiasm and kept the desire of exploration burning hot in his blood. But in this case, the unknowns caused his stomach to twist with frightful uncertainty.

What would he find on the other side of this mystifying portal? Monsters? Danger? Life-threatening peril? If so, it would be nothing new. He knew he could take on such conditions with ease. Often did, in fact. No, it was the unknowns surrounding one human woman that terrified him most.

If this dimensional portal did not lead to Rose, could his hearts withstand one more bitter disappointment? And if it _did_ lead to her world, what might their future hold? He didn't want to allow his mind to even go anywhere near this dark thought, but what if the unthinkable had occurred? What if Rose was no longer living? The very idea seized his hearts and nearly stopped their beating. Human life was so very fragile and so very fleeting. He knew this better than anyone. His one and only consolation in the midst of their separation in battle had been the knowledge of her survival. Despite the agony of their farewell, he was left with the memory of Rose alive and thriving with potential. She would remain forever etched in his mind this way. Unless…that memory was to be shattered by the unimaginable. How could he survive reaching her world only to find her grave?

This was not the only unknown which battered his thoughts. There was also the possibility that her life had very much continued, apart from him. He wanted Rose to carry on, to thrive, to live a fantastic life. He wanted her to have happiness in every way. But he knew, perhaps better than anyone else, that true happiness could never be fully attained in a life of solitude. Rose had her family, but what if she needed _more_? What if she had found more? What if there was someone else in her life to fill that aching void?

The thought alone was nearly unbearable, yet he could hardly blame her if she had. He had told Rose they could never be together again. It was thought to be impossible. He was as good as dead to her. Until death – or universes – do us part. She could hardly be held to a bond broken by seemingly-irreversible separation.

Yet despite these fears, not one was as strong as the necessity to seize even the slightest opportunity to find Rose again, no matter what finding her might mean. He had attempted to get her back once before, and the cost had been great. That had influenced his caution in even attempting this. But it had also spurred him on. Rose had once implored him never to give up on them. He had to give this, give _them_, one last chance.

-:-:-:-

From within the Cannon Room of Torchwood Tower, Rose and the DC team were poised to begin another trial. She was equipped with a Dimension Jump disc and mobile, the signal routed through the Cannon's core processor and connected to Central Control, both tucked safely in the inner pocket of her blue leather jacket. If a successful portal was opened, she would be transported through, but still maintain a link and means back to this world.

Rose stood at the Cannon, primed to take her place. She was given encouraging nods from Mickey Smith and Jake Simmonds, who were active members of the project. All hands were on deck for this latest important attempt. Pete Tyler stood by as well, not only in a professional capacity but a personal one. He would have to alert Jackie should her daughter make it through the void.

The large metallic cylindrical machine was aimed at the glaring white wall at the end of the room. This was the place where an active breach had once existed and where a slight weak spot remained. A transport pad was situated directly in the cannon's firing path. The blast of energy would not affect Rose – only the trans-universal barricade. If and when a successful breach opened, the Cannon's beam would then transition from one of dimensional penetration to matter transference, hurtling any living object in its path through the portal. The transport aspect had already been tested and proven successful. If the dimensional walls opened, Rose would be carried through.

Each member of the team signaled their readiness, and the go-ahead was given to activate the Cannon.

Powerful white light – near-blinding in its intensity – flooded the room as the hum of the Cannon ramped loudly. The energy output intensified as its target began to morph into a state of flux. The solid form of the wall at the opposite end of the room began to undulate, flicker and fade in and out of reality as the beam made headway, its trajectory carrying out across the universe and to the deepest layers of the dimensional divide.

Rose moved into position for transport, the energy passing through her harmlessly but incising the dimensional barrier bit by bit. As the breach opened from this side, the transport beam cycled on, and Rose's corporeal form began to fade.

-:-:-:-

The Doctor had kept the area of dimensional disturbance carefully monitored, and at the first sign of increasing instability, he knew it was time to act. Despite his preparations, he still would have preferred additional time to prepare, but he didn't have that luxury. These partial breaches could cease occurring at any time. There was no way to account for every single variable or cover for every scenario. So if he was truly going to do this, he simply had to go for it.

The Doctor had suggested one last time that Donna stay behind. She had responded one last time with the recommendation that he stuff it.

Since she would unarguably be along for the tumultuous ride, he had explained the process to her as best he could. The TARDIS' dimensional stabilizers utilized probability compressors to fix spacial anomalies and also seal cracks to parallel universes. If, however, he _reversed_ the sequence, the ship's compressors would actually serve to further destabilize such areas of weakness. By doing so, he would attempt, very carefully and precisely, to penetrate the partially-intact walls, placing the point of force directly against the pressure being exerted from the other side, matching it with equal effort. Simultaneously, he would create an area directly surrounding the opening in which the probability compressors were performing their standard function of stabilization.

In theory, at least, this would help to mitigate any hairline fractures forming around the opening, creating a stable gap. Once fully formed, he estimated that the connecting portal itself should remain open for a relative time of at least a week – perhaps just a bit longer due to his efforts to generate stability – before it began to naturally close in on itself. At any rate, it would be enough time to get through, with a safe cushion of time for getting back out.

As current scans confirmed the increasing rate of destabilization from the opposite side, the Doctor knew this was his cue.

His eyes found Donna's from across the console. "This is it," he informed her, voice solemn but with an undeniable undercurrent of exhilaration. "I'm going to take the TARDIS closer and activate the reverse-compressors."

She nodded. Gripping the console with a white-knuckle grasp, Donna held tight as the Doctor guided the TARDIS toward the area of dimensional turbulence.

The TARDIS jostled lightly at first, then began to quake violently the closer they got to the destabilized zone.

"Hold on, Donna!" he shouted.

"Really?" she retorted, sarcasm barely covering her fear as she scrambled to stay upright. "I wouldn't have thought of that otherwise. Thanks for the warning!"

The TARDIS pitched suddenly to one side. The Doctor barely kept himself standing while Donna was thrown back to the grating.

"The Vortex shields are weakening…activate the sub-neutron circuit stabilizers!" the Doctor ordered hastily, barely noting Donna's struggle to remain vertical due to his intense focus on the task.

"The what?" she called out, pulling herself back up to the console.

"The round button in front of you!"

Her hand hovered over the instrument in question. "This one?"

"Yes! Do it!"

She pressed, and the TARDIS leveled off the slightest bit.

"Now hold down that lever to your left!" he yelled.

Donna did as directed while the Doctor scrambled around the console, frantically attempting to keep the ship in one piece as it struggled to slip between the walls of reality.

"It's beginning to open from this side!" he shouted manically. "It's working!"

-:-:-:-

The roar of the Cannon became almost deafening. It reached its peak power capacity and held for several anxious seconds as Rose's form moved in and out of flux. The Cannon's beam seemed to be making greater progress this time, but something was wrong. An anomalous disturbance was arising from within the portal – almost as if something was pushing back as the Cannon pushed forward. It was possible this additional force could somehow assist their efforts. But it was also possible that the breach could fully destabilize and Rose could be lost. Not only that, but readings showed that cracks were forming due to the added pressure being exerted, rippling out from the zone of penetration.

The risk was too great. The decision was quickly made to abort the effort.

The Cannon powered down. The transport beam reversed and disengaged. Rose re-appeared with a lurching step forward. A stand-by medic team rushed up to assess her condition. Rose braced herself with her hands on her knees, regaining her balance as scans were run and vital signs taken. Breathing heavily, she looked up to find the eyes of her friends and colleagues. Silent apologies reflected in their gaze.

Another failure.

-:-:-:-

"No! No, no, no, no, _no_!" the Doctor yelled.

"What is it?" Donna cried.

"We're losing the penetration force from the other side!"

With the Cannon no longer engaged, the Doctor's efforts were no longer being assisted. Yet it had been enough for him to create the initial opening on his end. The most critical aspect was complete, the forces having been equalized during the first, crucial puncture. The TARDIS would have a more turbulent trip through, but the overall stability should remain intact.

"Okay, just hold tight…we're almost through from this side!" he shouted out.

"You mean we hadn't even gotten inside this thing yet?" she cried.

"Keep holding that lever!"

"I _am_!"

"Don't let go! We're about to fully cross into the breach!"

If possible, the TARDIS convulsed all the more violently. The two shaken passengers both momentarily lost their footing again before scrambling back to their feet.

Despite the chaotic ride, the TARDIS was successfully progressing through the gap. Now it just had to stay in one piece as it completed the journey through the walls of reality. Without the aid of the Cannon's straight trajectory, the ship tumbled off course from the initial trail of the breach, but the reverse-compressors worked to hold open a small fissure that had branched from the original passage, continuing their progression through, albeit roughly.

"I should have asked," Donna hollered out as she continued to hold on for dear life, "what exactly happened to the TARDIS when you fell through before?"

"It nearly killed her," he yelled back, the statement punctuated by a spray of sparks from the console.

"Oh, lovely! _Now_ I ask!"

"That's not happening today if I can help it," he grit out determinedly. Flinging himself to reach a lever on the right while stabilizing the gravimetric anomaliser with the tip of his outstretched left Converse, the Doctor made a few final calibrations that finally had the TARDIS on an even keel.

With one final, mighty lurch and shudder, the ship came to an abrupt, eerie halt.

The lights flickered and dimmed, the air hazy as erupting sparks fizzled to dispersing wisps of smoke.

Panting, Donna threw her gaze to the Doctor, her hands still clutching the console. "What happened? Is…is the TARDIS…?"

"We're through," the Doctor announced, voice a raspy hush as a cloud of smoke between them dissipated.

"Y-you mean…we actually made it?"

He swallowed hard, edging over to the monitor for confirmation. "We made it."

-:-:-:-

With the Dimension Cannon offline, the breach was no longer being actively scanned. Instead, teams were analyzing the data that had been collected during the trial.

Rose sat at her station within the Cannon Room, poring over the information from the recent attempt, trying to determine what had gone wrong this time.

Her feelings of deep disappointment were soon put on hold when the team was notified of an unusual disturbance detected somewhere along the ripple field of the Cannon's penetration beam. Further investigation pinpointed the area, a rural plot of land in the Hertfordshire region about twenty miles north of London. It was unclear just what this disturbance might be. No one knew for certain whether this might have a connection with the strange energy readings received thus far in the northeast, or if it was unrelated, instead having something to do with this latest trial of the Cannon. Either way, this would not be ignored.

A field team, including Jake, Mickey and Rose, were immediately dispatched to the scene. Within minutes, they were suited-up and en route.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N** The turbulence isn't quite over yet, but this time of a different sort.

* * *

**Chapter 6**

The Doctor stood staring at the TARDIS' monitor, scarcely able to believe what he was seeing. They had actually crossed through the void successfully – in one piece, without collapsing two universes in the process.

"We really just did it?" Donna questioned, still feeling a little shaken up by the chaotic trip.

"Yeah," he breathed out.

"We made it to the parallel world?"

His gaze was still fixed to the monitor. Initial readings showed that they were indeed in a parallel dimension. As he continued to process the information, his hearts sped. They were not just in _any_ parallel universe. He nodded in confirmation of Donna's question.

"_The_ parallel world?" she further pressed. "The one with Rose?"

His eyes snapped up to meet hers. That was the pivotal question. They were in the right place. The readings were clear on that, matching the ones stored in the data banks from the TARDIS' previous trip to this world years earlier. The location was the one for which he had hoped and dreamed.

But what about Rose?

"I need to be certain," he answered cautiously.

Instinctually, the Doctor wanted to open the suppressed and all-but dead bond that had existed between them. He wanted to throw open the floodgates and let his desolate mind search out that of his mate's. But the mind was a delicate thing, and the last thing he wanted to do was overwhelm an unsuspecting Rose, so he kept the link dampened for the time being.

Donna waited with nervous excitement as he ran additional scans. The TARDIS was weak but still functional for this purpose. She would need a bit of time to recover before attempting any sort of return trip. In the meantime, he would have to power down all unnecessary systems in order to conserve her reserve energy, since she couldn't draw it directly from this universe. But first he needed the help of the TARDIS to gather crucial information.

A thousand thoughts were whirling through the Doctor's mind as he did a quick data scan of this world. Now that he knew for certain exactly where this dimensional portal led, was it somehow possible that Rose had been trying to reach him? Did that explain the disturbances from this side? He knew her tenacity and resolve. It was a deliriously thrilling and whimsical thought, but romanticism was quickly shattered and that idea shoved from his mind as he made a startling discovery regarding one Rose Tyler.

The Doctor had tapped into public and personal records as well as media archives – any and all sources of information that might confirm Rose's current presence in this world. Within moments, the information he sought came back in vivid detail, including the most recent articles in the press.

Rose was here. She was alive. She was well.

She was re-married.

He stood motionless for several moments, the only movement that of his eyes as he scanned over article upon article from the past three years, piecing together the story of Rose's current life. Rose Tyler, Vitex heiress, newly married the previous year, no children as of yet.

Recent articles went into further specifics about Rose's marital status, with some gossip columns even noting the wedding ring she now wore and commenting on its simplicity. She had been married in a private ceremony, and there were no official pictures of the couple, as her husband often refrained from public appearances. There was very little information about the man, other than him being a doctor with the last name of Smith.

For a split second his reeling mind dared to hope, making a possible connection, but then he remembered there was a reason he himself sometimes used a like moniker. It was common.

The tailspin of his thoughts gained chaotic momentum as he skimmed over the latest story which spoke not only of a husband, but hinted at another relationship on the side – _Mickey_. Age-old stirrings of jealously toward the other man flared again. But the words _Husband_ and _Newly-Married_ were the ones taking precedence and currently ripping through his mind and tearing up the fragile remnants of hope.

Rose had moved on. He was too late.

The Doctor couldn't even begin to adequately process the news. If it was true, Rose was more lost to him now than she had been from across the void. On the other hand, the media wasn't always known for its truthfulness and accuracy. But something like _this – _a marriage – could easily and surely be disputed if it wasn't true.

There was only one way to truly know, and that was to see Rose for himself. But what if she really _had_ moved on? What would seeing him again do to her current life? What would having to lose her again do to his?

In those gut-wrenching moments, the Doctor made a decision based on one of the most potent and influential emotions aside from love: fear. His whirling mind threw together a plan which he thought had to be carried out in order to protect them _both_.

The Doctor slipped a hand into the deep depths of his jacket pocket, searching for an item that had never left him these past few years. His seeking fingers soon made contact with circular, smooth metal. It was still there. Of course it was. He'd kept it near him constantly even back when Rose had still been with him. He didn't think she even knew he had regarded it so reverently. Yet another regret he held.

Donna's voice drew him back to the present.

"Well?" she asked anxiously, her eyes flitting between him and the doors of the ship that she was itching to cross through. "Did you find anything? Is she really here?"

"Yeah," the Doctor replied hoarsely as he turned away from the monitor, one hand still tucked securely in his pocket. "She's here."

Donna's face lit up like Christmas. "Well, c'mon! What are we waiting for?!"

She made for the doors with hasty steps, but his voice called out and halted her.

"Wait, Donna. Not yet. There's something I have to do first."

She turned back and eyed him with confusion. "What could possibly make you _wait_? I thought you'd be the first one out those doors, off like a streak of lightning."

He finally pulled out the object from his pocket. "I just need a few minutes to prepare something first."

Donna moved closer, quizzical eyes fixed on the spiral silver band now held in his hand. It looked like some sort of arm bracelet, with three continuous twists forming a spiraling loop. "What is that?"

The Doctor withdrew the sonic screwdriver and aimed it at the curious object. "Perception filter," he answered, omitting the deeper symbolism of this object. In light of what he had just learned about Rose, he couldn't bear to name it properly.

Rose had placed this around his wrist, and he in turn had done the same for her with its mate, symbolically binding them together on the day they had wed. It was the custom on the world where they had exchanged vows. He had told himself at the time that no deeper meaning was attached and he had removed it shortly after, when their future steps had still been uncertain. He had been marrying her so she would not be forced to wed another, and within this customary silver band he had imbedded a perception filter so that he could take on the appearance of the man she was being coerced into marrying, temporarily satisfying those who had orchestrated the forced deed. The Doctor had not planned to hold her to such a marriage with himself. He had not planned it to be anything more than a means of outwitting a devious scheme.

Plans were funny old things. Ever changing, it seemed. He had not planned that such a marriage would come to mean everything to him. He had not planned to lose Rose shortly after. And now, he did _not_ plan to burst into her life if she had since moved on.

"Perception filter," Donna repeated, still eyeing the object. "What's that for, then? And…what exactly does it do?"

He glanced up at her as he made the final calibrations. "A perception filter can work by either masking what's seen or altering the perception of _how_ something is seen. Sights and sounds – it all comes down to perception. "

Donna drew her brows together, not following where this was going. "Fascinating. I should probably be impressed or something."

"Probably," he answered absently.

She shook her head. "But I don't see what this has to do with anything. What are you gonna use it for?"

"To change appearances," he answered quietly, eyes still fixed on calibrating the object.

"Of what?"

He looked up at her. "Me."

She cocked her head to the side, looking at him as if he'd just lost his mind. "_You_? What are you on about?"

The tight dimple appeared in his right cheek as his jaw clenched. "I can't take a chance on going out there like this…of being seen until…"

Her frown deepened. "You're gonna disguise yourself? From…from _Rose_. Is that your idiotic plan? And _why_? Why on Earth would you do that?"

His voice rose, desperate to make her understand. This was hard enough without opposition. "Don't you see, Donna? She might have moved on. She might have a whole new life for herself here. And what would it do to everything she now has if she were to see me come crashing back?"

Donna began to catch on, a little more astutely than he'd hoped. "Oh, no you don't," she chastised with a pointed finger to his chest. "This is about _you_. Being scared. What if she _does_ have a new life here, and then saw you again, but still chose to stay? _You_ don't want to face that possibility. That's what this is about. Right?"

"Donna, this isn't just about me," he countered. "How could I possibly make her choose between me and the life she now has?"

"The bigger question is, how could you go through all this to make it back – actually _make it back_ – and then not even let her know you're here! You want to go sneaking about first to see if it looks like she's moved on with her life. That's just…just madness! And you're just assuming she has some sort of grand life she wouldn't want to leave. If you're so sure about that now, why did you even attempt this in the first place?"

"I don't just _think_ she's moved on with her life. I _know_ she has!" he finally burst out. "The media reports here say so!" He flung a hand out towards the monitor.

"What?" she questioned incredulously. "What is that absurd gob of yours talking about?"

His voice cracked with painful emotion. "She's married, Donna."

"Yeah," she slowly agreed. "You dropped that bit of news alread–"

"Newly-married. Last year. To someone else."

Donna was silent for a few seconds. "But…but you and she… How could she just…"

His voice was hollow, defeated. "I'm as good as dead to her."

"But you're _here_!"

"She had no way of knowing this was possible. I was the one who told her it _wasn't_ possible."

"And you're not even gonna let her know that you just made it _possible_," she concluded, still disbelieving this sudden turn.

The Doctor's eyes dropped. "I just need to see for myself first, before she sees me. I can't trust media reports to tell me if she's happy. Just one look for myself and I'll know. One look at…at them together and I'll know. I need to know if her life is something I even have a right to barge into at this point."

"And if you see she's with someone else and appears happy with him then you're just gonna turn around and go?" she questioned, the very idea unthinkable, yet she knew this was his plan.

"I think that would be best for all concerned."

"You think that would be… _Oh_, for the love of…" Donna stepped up and thumped him on the side of the head.

"Ow!"

"Honestly! How did that woman ever put up with you in the first place? We've made it here, against the odds. Risked our lives. Did the impossible, as you like to brag about. And now you read in some rag that she's with someone else–"

"_Married_."

"And so now you're just gonna leave without even letting her know you're here! Based on something you just read in the tabloids."

The Doctor took a needed breath, then slowly let it out. "I'm not simply going to turn and leave. Not right now. Not until I'm certain. But I can't put her in the position of having to choose between me and…and someone else she might care about."

"No," Donna corrected. "You don't want to take a chance on _letting_ her choose for fear of the outcome."

His voice rose. "What else do you expect me to do here?"

"Stop being so emotionally stunted and just _go_ to her! Now. Just like this. Let her know it's you, that you're here. Then take it all from there."

His eyes withdrew as he went back to calibrating the perception filter. "It's better this way, Donna."

"For who?"

He didn't answer.

"Alright. Fine. Have it your way if you insist on completely mucking up something that could have been beautiful," she spoke testily. "But answer me this: If she still wants to be with you, how are you gonna explain it when you have to tell her what you've done – who you really are? How do you think she'll feel when she knows you disguised yourself from her? Tricked her?"

He looked appalled that she would even ask such a thing. "Donna, I'm not going to try to _trick_ her. I'm not even going to speak to her in disguise. I just need to get to London. Find out more about her life. But from a distance. I just can't take a chance on her seeing me here until I know more."

Donna pressed him further, not willing to let this drop. "You just want to see her one last time. That's what you _really_ plan to do, isn't it? You're gonna up and leave and never look back if she's tied to some other bloke. But first you want to see her just once more. Right?"

"Is it so wrong to want that?" he snapped.

"Only when you're planning to deny her the same thing." Donna glared at him. The Doctor glared back. She sighed. "You've made up your mind, obviously. But I've said this to you once before and I'll say it again: I think you're _wrong_."

He had no reply for that. Silently, he made the final calibrations.

Donna crossed her arms over her chest. She eyed the perception filter with disdain as she watched him slip it on his wrist beneath his sleeve. "Is that thing really gonna change how you look?"

"Temporarily."

She shook her head. "So what's it gonna do? Give you a wig and a fake nose?" she snarked.

"I'll look like someone I used to be," he answered quietly. "It'll still be me, just in a past form."

"Yeah, and that just makes total sense."

"I'm a Time Lord."

"Heard that somewhere once or twice."

"I don't age."

"Sounds familiar, too."

"Instead I regenerate. And when I regenerate I change form – new body, new look."

"So you're gonna make it look like you've…regenerated?" she questioned, trying to make sense of it.

He shook his head. "No. Like I said, I'm going to take the form of a past body, not future. It's the simplest way, really. The TARDIS could produce an exact image of any one of my past selves in an instant. It's all in her data core. I just have to transfer the information to this device to use as a visual and voice template, and it will be ready."

Donna cocked her head. "So…you're gonna look like the person you were right before…_this_ you?"

"No," he answered, voice low as an image of cropped hair, leather and the first hand that held Rose's entered his mind. That would hardly make for an unrecognizable form. "The one before that."

"How many have there been?" she questioned in disbelief. The more she learned about this alien, the more _alien_ he became.

"So far? Ten."

"So you're switching your looks back to number…eight?" she guessed again, her tone clearly reflecting that she thought the whole thing barmy.

"Yep," he replied neutrally.

He wasn't even going to _think_ about the man that technically came between his eighth and ninth self. As far as he was concerned, that man wasn't even truly the Doctor. And now was _not_ the time to allow his mind to stray into that territory on top of everything else. As for choosing another past form to revert to, it felt less…deceptive doing it this way rather than just choosing a random male appearance. He would still be _himself_. And even though Rose had once been linked on every level and seen into his very mind, peered into his thoughts, she had been looking through his eyes from the inside out. The visual specifics of his past forms would still be unfamiliar.

A large part of the Doctor absolutely abhorred this. He was finally _here_. He wanted to _run_ straight to Rose. But losing her at Canary Wharf had ripped his soul in two. Then, losing her again to a paradox of his own creation had nearly killed him. If he had to stand face to face with Rose, realize he couldn't be a part of her life, look into her eyes and tell her goodbye _again_, he feared there would be nothing left of him at all. He hadn't been able to accept just seeing her from a distance once before. But now it was the only way. It was far better than the alternative, if she truly had moved on.

With that thought in mind, the Doctor activated the perception filter.

The man Donna had been staring at disappeared. In his place was a stranger. Even the suit had changed appearance. Generally speaking, the pieces of clothing were the same – suit, shirt, tie – but the brown pinstripes had been replaced by solid charcoal gray, the Oxford had gone from dark blue to white, the tie from blue/brown paisley to solid black, and instead of trainers, he now appeared to be wearing black loafers. His hair was not what would be considered shaggy or unkempt but it was longer, the chestnut locks lying in soft waves. His eyes were a steely blue, and his features – though overall average and seemingly that of a male of about late thirties – hinted of great age beneath the exterior.

It was the Doctor.

But it wasn't.

Donna felt a massive headache coming on.

"Well…?" he questioned, ready to get this part over with.

Donna was again knocked off kilter just by hearing the perceived change in his voice – warm, smooth, normal and _not_. She finally gave him a thorough appraising look, which didn't end until she'd made a full circle around him.

"Even the clothes changed," she finally said by way of answering, though she knew if his intent was to change appearances then the trademark suit would have to go, too.

"It's part of the perceived projection. Not what this body used to wear, exactly. But unlike velvet frock coats, this better lends itself to…blending in," this strange yet familiar man explained.

She slowly shook her head. "You, trying to blend in. Thought I'd never see the day."

"Oi!" he protested. Donna gave him a look which clearly questioned how he could sound so different, yet very much the same. He cleared his throat. "Right, then. Time to head out, I think."

Momentarily forgetting everything else, Donna quickly and excitedly moved ahead of him to exit first. "Oh, I've been dying to see this! A parallel world. A proper parallel world!"

She threw open the doors of the TARDIS, only to frown in disappointment at the sight which lay before her. They sat in a field of pastureland, with the surrounding sights in the distance being that of sheep and trees. "It just looks…normal," she remarked, clearly let down.

"What did you expect?" came the Doctor's unfamiliar voice up beside her.

She cut him a glance, still shaking her head at his disguise. "I dunno. Just something…_different_. Like blue grass instead of green, sheep with feathers…"

"That's Xylithian Prime," he corrected. She rolled her eyes. "It's _parallel_, Donna. But there are some differences. The zeppelins, for instance." He pointed upward toward a few remote airships floating off in the distance. His eyes were momentarily transfixed, remembering the last time he had seen this world. It seemed like _such_ a long time ago. He'd never allowed himself to even hope he would be here again. He certainly hadn't imagined it like _this_. Donna's voice pulled him back to the moment.

"We're in the middle of nowhere," she bemoaned.

He shook his head. "Nah. Location scans indicated Hertfordshire, just about twenty miles outside of London. A bit remote, but it shouldn't take too long to find the nearest road and then get a lift from there."

"Can't we just go in the TARDIS?"

"She came through in one piece and fared much better than the first time. But she still had a rough ride and needs a bit of time to recover," he explained. "Plus her reserve energy supply needs to be preserved for the trip back." He then turned and aimed the sonic screwdriver at the ship, and it subsequently disappeared.

"What did you just do?!" Donna shrieked, their trans-dimensional ride vanishing into thin air.

"Just a slight adjustment. I put the TARDIS one second out of sync with the present." He tried not to even think about the last time he'd had to do that. "We're going for inconspicuous here, remember? That means the TARDIS, too. Now, to head for the nearest road and slip into London unnoticed…"

It was about that time the sound of engines could be heard in the distance, heralding the approach of vehicles. Two black SUVs then crested over a nearby hill, heading in their direction.

"So much for going unnoticed," Donna muttered.

"It can't be," the Doctor uttered breathlessly.

The vehicles drew closer and came to a stop. A group of two exited the second vehicle, unloading equipment. Three more stepped out of the first.

The Doctor's current face might have been unfamiliar, but Donna could recognize the look of utter shock none the less as he witnessed a blonde woman approached them, followed by two men.

The woman flashed credentials in their direction, eyes scanning between the two before settling and remaining on him.

"Rose Tyler, Torchwood. I'd like to ask you a few questions."


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N **Oh, what a tangled web, etc.

* * *

**Chapter 7**

_The woman flashed credentials in their direction, eyes scanning between the two before settling and remaining on him. _

"_Rose Tyler, Torchwood. I'd like to ask you a few questions."_

The Doctor stared in shocked silence as Rose Tyler stood before him, enveloping his vision and narrowing his current existence to this singular moment in time. Rose was here. She was actually here. _Right Here._ His riveted eyes drank in her appearance from head to foot – every nuance, every blink, every breath. His Rose had always shown cleverness beyond her years, but she now had an added air of maturity, independence and authority.

And she was radiant. As always. Her hair was slightly longer and a slightly deeper, more natural golden shade, the soft honeyed locks touching past her shoulders. She wore black cargo trousers and a black fitted jacket, the same as the rest of the team. Standard field attire. But he hardly noticed the utilitarian clothes. Beneath it all she was _Rose_. She was breathtaking. She was _real_.

For one brief and glorious moment his only thought was to envelop her in his arms, in his mind, in his soul, and never let go. Mouth slack and eyes wide, he took an instinctive step toward her. She took one back, her training also coming as instinct, and she held up her hand as a signal to halt the encroachment on her personal space. It wasn't the gesture, but the wedding ring glinting on her finger that stopped him dead in his tracks.

The ring he had not put there.

"Is something wrong, sir?" she questioned, Mickey and Jake now stepping closer in an alert manner.

He floundered to produce even the simplest of an answer. "I…I'm…"

Donna spoke up then, the first to find her voice between the two of them. "You're Rose," she remarked, words holding a trace of the awe which consumed every fiber of the Doctor's being. "_You're_ Rose Tyler."

Rose's expression stiffened. "I try to keep my day job low-key. But yes, I'm Rose Tyler. But I'm _not_ some sort of celebrity, so no need to look at me like one. I'm nothing special," she added with a slight smile. The Doctor bit back a pained noise which very much disagreed. Her focus shifted back to the wavy-haired man still staring at her as if in a trance. "Now, if we could get back to those questions I'd like to ask…?"

Donna threw a glance at the gaping Doctor. This was going to get more awkward by the minute if she didn't intervene. "Bit lacking on manners, this one," she stated casually, jerking a thumb in his direction. "That's his trouble. You know how those scientific types are. All brains and no charm."

"And _you_ are…?" Jake Simmonds questioned her.

"Donna Noble," she stated confidently – confidence she didn't feel in this highly unsure situation.

Rose turned her eyes again to the oddly silent man, studying him quizzically. "And you?"

He closed his mouth, cleared his throat and made a second attempt at speech. He could either come clean this instant and suffer the dire consequences or try to buy more time. Being a Time Lord, he opted for the latter. "I…that is…Smith. John Smith." Donna shot him a look that said he was digging himself deeper and deeper into this hole. He knew that full well. He just didn't know how to get out now that he had unexpectedly fallen in. He realized too late that he probably should have spouted a different alias, at least.

An unnamable emotion passed over Rose's face. She covered it quickly, returning to the business at hand. _Great, another Smith, _she inwardly groaned, focusing on that particular irony rather than other feelings that were stirred_. _"We've detected some unusual readings in this area and are here to investigate." She turned to look over her shoulder at the two other Torchwood operatives setting up scanning equipment behind them. "That's what our team is preparing to do now. We'll need to ask you both some questions as well."

The Doctor nodded mutely. Jake held up a small device and captured images of them both – Donna's true form and the Doctor's projected one.

"Say cheese."

"Oi!" Donna began to complain.

"Or that," Jake smirked. "That'll do."

"Have either of you noticed anything unusual in this area?" Rose continued, as Jake ran a database check off the images taken.

The Doctor tugged at his ear, the gesture familiar even if the appendage was not. "Umm…I suppose unusual is a bit hard to define."

"We need specifics," Mickey Smith spoke up from Rose's right. "Any details you can give may help. This is important."

The Doctor's attention briefly shifted to the other man, and he felt a shot of jealousy recalling the insinuations of the recent article he'd seen. But despite this, he knew Rose was not the type to cheat if she had a husband here, and was likely nothing more than human gossip. He wished that thought could have also soothed him in regards to the reports of her marriage, but he could hardly call it cheating if he himself was as good as dead to her.

Mickey, he noted, was still staring at him expectantly. Right. He'd asked a question. "There were some unusual readings, like you said. I detected them in my…," he thought of the recuperating, out of sight and out of sync TARDIS nearby, "mobile lab. It's…a ways off from here due to technical issues. Erm…anyway. Yes. So I was here doing a little…investigating of my own, but I haven't gotten far with it yet," the Doctor answered cagily.

"Miss Noble said you're a scientific type. So are you a scientist?" Mickey queried.

The Doctor bobbed his head in a nod. "Yes. That's right. I'm a doctor of science. And Donna is my…assistant."

"More like babysitter," she snarked.

Jake finished the database search he'd conducted, and gestured for Rose and Mickey to speak with him off to the side.

"Excuse us for just a minute," Rose said.

The three turned, moved a few paces away and began speaking quietly amongst themselves.

"Assistant?" Donna hissed in his ear.

"Donna, please. Not now," the Doctor whispered tightly.

"If you're gonna insist on keeping up this ridiculous charade then you're at least gonna have to start sounding a little more convincing. Mobile lab. Please." She shook her head. "Blimey, what am I saying? Not that you _should_ be convincing. This whole thing's wrong," she whispered.

His unfamiliar eyes were pleading, desperate. "I just need some time to think."

"That's the trouble. You should have _thought_ before you got yourself into this," she sternly admonished. Yet it was too late for that now. As much as Donna wanted him to face up here and now, she knew he was currently in an extremely precarious situation that had the potential to harm his relationship with Rose. She hated it, but she would have to play along for his sake, at least for the time being until he could think up some form of damage control.

Their hushed conversation halted as the three Torchwood operatives moved back to them.

"We seem to be finding some irregularities with the two of you," Rose said.

"According to our records, you don't exist," Jake informed them, holding up a palm-sized computer. "Our facial recognition system identified you, Miss Noble, as having died six years ago during Lumic's Cybermen attack."

"Well, misinformation, obviously," the Doctor spoke up. "So many went missing and were presumed dead at that time. But actually she's been helping me since then." He wasn't sure if he felt relieved to be sounding a little more convincing, or sickened by it.

"And what about you, Dr. Smith," Mickey cut in. "According to our information, you don't seem to be on any records at all."

"I keep a low profile," he answered evenly. "And points to me, I've apparently succeeded."

"Why's that, then?" Mickey questioned suspiciously.

The Doctor shrugged. "Torchwood? Some might say that's reason enough."

"It's different now," Rose interjected, trying to gain these strangers' trust so they'd cooperate. "Since the People's Republic took control, it's not the same institute it once was."

"No, I suppose it's not," he replied softly, unable to deny the pride he felt in the position Rose had earned here. A position she surely would not have taken had this Torchwood been the same as the one that had essentially stolen her from him.

"We do everything we can to operate in the best interest of everyone," she went on. "You've probably heard some of the rumors circulating about the issue in Norfolk as well. Torchwood has been upfront about this. We admit something of unknown origin has been detected there and are doing what we can to get to the bottom of it, just like we're out here doing today. I promise you, we try to solve issues, not create them."

"The issue in Norfolk," he echoed, wondering what this might be. "Right. Yes, of course. I want the same thing. To resolve issues, that is. And so…you think the readings detected here might have some connection to that?" He was pretty certain the arrival of the TARDIS had nothing to do with this other issue mentioned, but his innate inquisitiveness drove him to learn more. Not to mention he was frantic to fix his mind to something other than this great bit honking mess he'd created, at least long enough to catch his breath.

"Well, you're a scientist – do _you_ think it might?" she hedged, not divulging information on the investigation, but desperate enough to seek possible assistance from someone who was apparently investigating and might have some ideas.

"It's…difficult to say. I'd need to see your scans to better answer," he replied. Honest, for once.

"That wouldn't tell you much, mate" Mickey interjected ruefully. The scans thus far left them in the dark when it came to exact origins. "We haven't pinned down any answers from them yet."

"I might be able to help with that," the Doctor went on, his _Doctorishness_ briefly taking over. Donna folded her arms and watched the show. If he'd hoped Torchwood would pay him no mind, he was about to blow it. "Have you been using an oscillating scan calibrated to a setting of intermittent Rydberg units? That could make a difference right there. It's a small calibration, yet so often overlooked. But it's essential when attempting to detect energy signatures with employed subterfuge or those otherwise below the atomic spectrum."

The three gaped at him. "Who do you work for?" Jake immediately pressed.

The Doctor shrugged. "Freelance. Less complicated that way. I've always preferred to gather knowledge on my own."

"Ever considered sharing your knowledge?" Rose straight-out asked.

He paused. "With Torchwood?"

"I think you'll find we're on the same side," she assured him.

"Maybe we are…," he murmured.

"S'cuse us a minute," Mickey interjected. He then turned to Rose and motioned for her to speak with him off to the side.

"What?" she whispered, both moving a few feet away.

"Are you actually thinking of bringing these two into the investigation?" he questioned in a hushed voice.

"Maybe they can help. He certainly seems knowledgeable. And right now we can use all the help we can get," she pointed out.

"You mean help with the Cannon? That's what this is about, isn't it?" he pressed. "This bloke's a scientist, and you think maybe he can come up with somethin' ours haven't yet."

She took a breath before answering. "Mickey, I'm just as concerned as everyone else about whatever's happening in Norfolk, and I want whatever help we can find. But if he could somehow help with the Cannon too, would that be such a bad thing?"

Mickey threw a nod over his shoulder. "So you trust these two?"

Rose studied the pair as they spoke between themselves. One thing she'd learned in this line of work was to be a good judge of character – human or otherwise. The woman seemed genuine, if a little brash. The man, if she were honest, seemed to be holding something back. And yet…there was something about him, something she couldn't define, that just felt…right.

"I think I do, yeah," she answered. "I don't really see any reason not to. So they want to keep a low profile? I really can't blame them for that. From what I've heard, the Torchwood here didn't have the best of reputations in the past."

"Well I s'pose it's not me you'll have to convince," Mickey finally conceded. "But if Pete tosses 'em out on their backsides and gives yours a kick while he's at it, don't say I didn't warn you."

Any further discussion was cut short as Jake came back over to them. "Scans here haven't turned up anything," he informed them, nodding toward the two agents who were now packing up equipment. "It looks like it was just a surge rippling out from the Cannon's field. But I've just heard from Control and they want us back in. It seems while we were busy with the Cannon's trial today, whatever is causing the disturbance in Norfolk was busy, too. The energy being given off in that area has gotten a little stronger. But scans still can't pinpoint the exact origin."

Rose glanced at Mickey. "Like I said, we need all the help we can get."

The three then turned and stepped back over to the new pair.

"If you're willing," Rose began, "I'd like to ask you to return with us. There's more questions we need to ask, and you might be able to help with our investigation."

"And if we're not willing?" the Doctor found himself responding. The Torchwood Institute still left a bitter taste in his mouth, and though he knew Rose would not be working for an organization the likes of which had operated in her original universe, he couldn't help but need to re-confirm that this one was altogether different in their methods.

"Is there a reason why you wouldn't want to help us?" she questioned back.

"Should there be?" he retorted.

"I told you, whatever you've heard about Torchwood, it's different now."

His eyes settled for the first time on the holstered weapon strapped to her right hip. "Is it?"

Donna rolled her eyes at the beginnings of a sparring match. Is this what these two were like together? Passion on the verge of igniting but with the potential to go in any direction? "Oh, of course we'll help if we can," she cut in. "Right, _Smith_?"

The Doctor reeled in his emotions. He nodded. Although in truth, he really did _not_ want to have to keep up this charade much longer and had been hoping to slip away and collect his wits. But it looked like he wasn't going to get that option just yet. "If we can be of help, then yes," he quietly agreed.

"Thank you for your cooperation," Rose replied with a hint of agitated sarcasm. This curious gray-suited man was already getting under her skin in an unsettling…but not entirely unpleasant way. She wasn't sure she liked it in the least. She wouldn't _allow_ herself to like it in the least. This was business. Nothing more. Absolutely _nothing_ more.

-:-:-:-

"We can't give details of an investigation to those without security clearance, you know that," Pete Tyler said from behind the sleek mahogany desk within his upper-floor office.

"So give them security clearance," Rose reasoned, standing across from him.

Pete regarded her in the same way he did Jackie when she was being deliberately stubborn. "That can't be done without a full and clear background check. Which for these two is proving difficult."

"They've kept a low profile," she explained. "That's not a crime. I just don't think they trust Torchwood."

"And you think we can trust _them_ if they feel that way?"

Rose crossed her arms. "We've brought outsiders into investigations before if they had knowledge or skills that might help. How is this different?"

The older man rubbed at his eyes. He didn't want to get into a confrontation about this, but it was a legitimate concern. "It's different because I'm not sure I can trust your judgment on this one."

She stared at him. "What?"

"You want help with the Cannon," he stated knowingly.

"You've been talkin' with Mickey," she muttered. "And what if I do? Is that so wrong?" Pete simply stared back at her. Her posture slackened as she sat down in the chair in front of the desk. "Look, I'm not suggesting you give them the golden key to the Institute and free access to any and all secure information. But if they can help us – with the Cannon _and_ the investigation up north – I think it's foolish to pass that up."

He contemplated her argument for several moments before reaching a decision. "I'm assigning the responsibility of their supervision to you. It's up to you to make sure they're in the company of someone else at all times while working here. If this goes awry it will be on your shoulders. Understood?"

Mr. Tyler, Director of Torchwood, was quite different from Pete, the gentle father-figure. Rose did not resent him for this, but respected him for it all the more. His business-like demeanor on the job made for a straightforward working relationship.

"Understood," she answered. Then with a small smile added, "And thank you."

-:-:-:-

Just being in Torchwood again, regardless of a parallel version, made the Doctor feel ill-at-ease. Couple that with the fact that he was now back face to face with Rose – but his face not one she even knew – and his discomfort soared off the charts. He had planned to slip into London unnoticed and steal a glimpse of Rose, her life, her happiness – to see where, if at all, he might possibly fit into that – before gaining his bearings, sorting out his careening mind, and deciding what to do next.

Never had he intended for Rose to actually encounter him like this. Now he felt utterly stuck without a clue as to what to do. Oh, he knew what he _should_ do, yes. But how in Rassilon's name would Rose take something like this? Would she feel extreme betrayal? Or would it even matter to her so much now that she apparently had someone else in her life? He wasn't quite sure which outcome was worse.

The safest thing he knew to do from here was proceed with his original idea of learning more about Rose's life here. More about the woman she now was. More about the husband she now had.

The Doctor's present uneasiness was not helped by the looks Donna was giving him at this particular moment, so he did his best not to catch her eye. They sat in what appeared to be a type of posh interrogation room. The small space housed a minibar on the left wall, and in the center, two comfortable dark leather sofas sat angled facing each other – perfect for a cozy chat…or 'friendly' persuasion, he thought. The tall glass windows of the far wall offered an open view of Canary Wharf and the illusion that those within this room were not, in reality, confined.

Donna currently sat across from him on a matching dark chocolate couch. Her eyes studied the perceived features of his eighth face with scrutiny. Not in the mood to be the object of such intense examination, he stood and walked to the windows. The Doctor gazed out at the novel sight of zeppelins dotting the afternoon skyline. He wondered how many times this abnormal vista had plagued Rose. It was inescapable, the differences which made it impossible to forget this was not her original universe. But…did it now feel like home to her?

"I really don't know you at all, do I?" came Donna's voice from behind. Ah, and here it came. He'd wondered how long it would take before she started up again. "You look like a stranger. But truth is, the man _behind_ the face you're wearing right now is even more of a stranger to me. You always have been, I suppose. I must not have known you at all. Because I never would have pegged you as a man who would do _this_."

"Not now, Donna. Alright?" the Doctor answered, exhaling heavily.

"No, it's not alright. 'Cause I think now's a brilliant time, actually. Or would you rather we wait and have this conversation in front of Rose…?"

The Doctor turned back around, former lips pursed in a thin line and steel-blue eyes narrow. He absently wondered how the current expression appeared on this projected face. It had been a long, weary while since he'd seen it himself.

"I didn't mean for this to happen. You know that. I only meant to see her from a distance. To know first if what I read about her life here was true. And…if she was happy."

"Even if it's true and she _is_ happy here with someone, that doesn't mean she doesn't still love _you_," Donna attempted to reason.

"And how do you think that would work out in this situation, hmm? Would we share? The _three_ of us?" He turned back toward the windows, his voice quiet. "I just need to know that she's happy before I move on."

Donna stood and opened her mouth to reason further when the doors parted and Rose came in. The two turned toward her.

The Doctor tried to control his pounding hearts that sped wildly in her proximity.

"Thank you both for waiting. I'm sorry for the delay, but I had to get approval for the two of you to assist us. Which I did. On a limited basis. I've brought files with some of the details of the investigation in Norfolk. Some of the more sensitive information has been omitted, but it contains enough that you can get a better idea of the issue."

Rose handed over two folders containing the reports, one for each of them to read. There was an awkward moment when this man with the thick wavy hair just stared at Rose rather than the report. She still couldn't put her finger on it, but there was something about him that gave her an unusual feeling – like that lightness in your stomach just before taking a high plunge. She trusted him, and yet…

Her eyes flicked down to the file. His followed. His attention finally focused as he began to read. After giving them a few minutes to begin glancing over the information, Rose again spoke up.

"So as you can see, we haven't had much luck determining what's caused the unidentified energy readings we've detected or pinpointing the exact location. The more focused our scans, the more distorted the readings become, throwing everything off. It's been a week now, and we're no closer to finding answers. But there are recent signs that whatever is causing this is getting stronger."

"It says here that satellites detected something penetrating Earth's atmosphere just before the readings were first picked up," the Doctor noted, forcing himself to concentrate. "Did anyone see anything? Any witnesses that might be able to point out a location of something unusual?"

Rose shook her head. "No. And that doesn't add up, either. If something…say…_landed_ here, you'd think someone would have seen something."

He shrugged, his attention back on the file. "Well, not necessarily. Whatever it is could be cloaked or disguised."

"Dr. Smith here is an expert on that," Donna piped up. "You could say he's experimented with that very thing."

He shot her a warning look.

Rose lifted a brow. "Really?"

"I wouldn't say expert," he replied tightly.

"Well, I suppose that's true," Donna agreed. "He's made some huge blunders in that area…"

There was an awkward moment of silence. Donna stood with a satisfied expression. The Doctor cleared his throat as his gaze dropped. Rose looked as if she was debating about saying something more. She finally did.

"There's…also another issue I'd like to talk to you about while you're here. Do you have any thoughts on…trans-dimensional portals?"

The Doctor glanced up, his mind focusing intently. "I'm well versed in the theories of quantum physics."

"So you…believe in the existence of other dimensions?" she put forth hopefully.

"Oh, yes," he answered hoarsely.

Rose stepped closer. "Really?"

The Doctor tried to come off casual about the very matter that consumed them both. "It's a quite logical belief, actually. Dimensions are, simply stated, different facets of the perception of the universe. It's accepted among quantum physicists that there are at least ten. The first three dimensions involve length, width and depth. The other seven dimensions deal with intangible concepts we can't directly observe but know exist. Time, for example, is the forth. The fifth and sixth dimensions relate to the future. Accordingly, there can be any number of possible futures, but the reason why only one outcome exists within each dimensional sphere is the act of choice. The dimensions seven through ten deal with the numerous universes. Theory basically states that there are several universes that each have their own progressions of dimensional reality and possible outcomes. When boiled down, it's a simple concept, really."

Rose gaped at him for several seconds before snapping herself to attention. "Okay, yeah. Um, I think I need you to come with me. There's something I'd like you to see."

With hasty excitement, Rose led the Doctor and Donna out of the room, down the corridor, to the lift, and up to the top floor – the Dimension Cannon command room.

The Doctor's steps slowed to a crawl as he entered the all-too familiar, bleakly-white space. He felt his stomach seize into a painful knot.

"You okay?" Donna whispered from beside him, noting his slowed steps and uneasy expression.

The Doctor shook himself out of his troubled memories. He nodded tightly. Rose drew to a stop and turned back to them.

"Welcome to the Cannon Room."

"Cannon Room?" Donna echoed in question.

"Dimension Cannon," Rose clarified.

The Doctor took it all in within a matter of several seconds. He observed the activity buzzing around them, centralizing on the large cylindrical apparatus positioned in the middle of the room.

It began to click into place exactly what this was for, what had caused the dimensional penetrations from this side, and why he had been able to come through as he had. _Oh_, his brilliant Rose.

"You're trying to cross dimensions," he murmured in awe.

Her voice was anxious, hopeful. "Do you think you can help?"

"I…well, I…"

Donna stepped forward, taking the reins lest he back out. He'd stated earlier his idiotic and heartbroken plan to move on if he thought Rose had a happy life with a new husband. Yet if Rose was trying to cross dimension, it was a fair bet in her mind the Doctor still had a fighting chance. But Donna had given up on trying to predict his behavior. So the only thing she _did_ know was she needed to keep him here as long as possible and hope in the meantime he'd come to his senses. "I'd say you've found _exactly_ the right man for the job."


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N **The Doctor comes to a decision.

* * *

**Chapter 8**

As it turned out, the Doctor was not the only one with valuable expertise to offer Torchwood. Additional assistance was welcomed when it came to logging the numerous technical details involved with each trial and modification of the Cannon – the sequential base codes, power output modulations, before/during/after-effect measurements – the transcription work that bogged down even the best of records administrators. Enter Donna Noble who was, after all, the best temp in Chiswick.

She was soon introduced to Shaun Temple, one of Torchwood's data analysts, who was assigned to familiarize her with the basic specs of the database system. He was a friendly bloke, with a warm complexion and dark, gentle eyes.

"So, you're the bright new recruit who's either going to make my job easier or steal it out from under me entirely, eh?" he quipped good-naturedly upon being introduced.

Donna flashed him a winning smile, hiding behind it old niggling feelings of self-doubt. She sometimes struggled with seeing her importance, compensating with attitude to spare. She wasn't going to argue with a compliment, though. "Well now I'm even more impressed with Torchwood," she responded. "I've got to hand it to you lot for making accurate assessments, at least."

The two quickly settled in to an amicable working relationship, and she could only hope the Doctor was getting on half as well. He had immersed himself in a technical review of the Cannon. If they were all lucky, that might keep him occupied and out of further trouble…at least for the time being.

-:-:-:-

The Doctor soon learned not only the details of the Dimension Cannon and what Rose had devoted a large portion of her time to since signing on with Torchwood, but he also confirmed without a doubt why he had been able to cross dimensions with the TARDIS. The Cannon had done half the work from this side.

Rose had helped do this. She had helped make the way for him to reach this world. With swelling pride, he recalled her past words to him, words preserved in his memory even if they could not exist in hers.

'_Whatever the odds might be against it, I know that I would stop at nothing to find you again. You taught me that, Doctor. _You_ did. You taught me that you don't just give up.'_

He was a fool. A 900+ year-old fool with so much damage and ragged scars that doubt, it seemed, now came easier to him than hope.

Hope.

The undeniable emotion began to spring to life inside him with this new knowledge. If Rose was happy with her life here, would she have been trying to return to the other universe? It was possible that Torchwood had other reasons for the Cannon's construction, however. This was one detail he needed to know for absolute certain before he allowed hope to build and then possibly shatter him.

Yet despite having the air ripped from his lungs the moment he'd uncovered gut-wrenching details concerning Rose, something deep, deep down was rising up and telling him she would never give herself to another. How could it be possible? What they'd had, what they'd shared was strong and eternal and at times defied even his own reasoning. But then she had been torn from him – not once but twice; and the accrued damage had left a part of him afraid to even attempt finding her again for fear of being irreparably shattered one final time.

So when hit in the face with reports of her marriage to another, he had reacted on primal, powerful emotions – pain and fear. It was the reported details that kept clawing at him. If records simply listed her as married, his first natural thought would have been himself. She _was_ married, even if he'd roundly struggled with accepting its significance in the past. As for her reported husband's last name, he desperately wanted to equate that to himself as well. Casting counter-reasoning aside, he didn't want to give a rip how innumerably-common the name 'Smith' truly was. But details of a human wedding having taken place _here_, last year, in a private ceremony, with an Earth ring Rose now wore as testament, plagued his mind and waged an assault against hope. It didn't help that he was a man for whom that particular emotion had been all but beaten dead _long_ ago. Its fragile reawakening barely stood a chance.

Reason told him she had moved on, and if he had an ounce of self-preservation he would do the same. But his hearts – oh, his old battered hearts that had sustained so much damage through the centuries that it was a wonder they were even still beating – told him to hold onto hope no matter the odds or the evidence against it.

He just wished he'd taken more time to listen before going off half-cocked with hopeless conclusions. Because however right or wrong those conclusions were, he was now in a spectacular jam.

The cyclone of thoughts continued to whirl as he sat at a computer station within the Cannon Room, learning more about this mindboggling piece of human engineering.

It was Rose's voice that brought him out of his contemplations. A voice that had the power to momentarily chase away every other thought in his head. He watched, eyes riveted, as she approached where he sat. After giving him a fair bit of time to evaluate the Cannon's specs, she slid into a chair beside him, passing him a styrofoam cup of steaming tea.

He took the cup, barely missing grazing her fingers with his in the process. The merest touch might ignite the spark of their bond. Was he insane for wanting to do just that this very instant?

"So…do you think it's possible for this to actually work?" Rose asked, an anxious edge to her voice.

His gaze lifted from her withdrawing fingers and found her face. "Oh, yes," he replied. "Very possible."

Her eyes radiated hopefulness. "Really?"

He nodded. "The work you've done is…magnificent. Brilliant. Utterly brilliant."

The spark in her eyes lost its glimmer. "But it hasn't worked yet. And after the unexpected surge during today's trial, any further testing is on hold. So there goes progress."

He swallowed thickly. "Oh, I think you've had more success than you credit yourself for."

"But still not enough," she murmured.

He twisted in his chair to turn fully toward her, feeling the almost instinctive impulse to pull her close. He cleared his throat, trying to focus. Enough volleying this back and forth in his mind. He _needed_ to know. "Tell me why Torchwood…why you're attempting to cross dimensions."

Her eyes became distant, words spoken quietly. "I don't just speculate about the existence of other dimensions like you do. I know it's real because I've seen it. I've lived it." Her gaze focused, seeming to study him. "'M not even sure why I trust you enough to tell you this, but…I'm from there – another world. A parallel Earth. And…I know someone there who I desperately need to find." Hope swelled within him to near bursting. Then she seemed to check herself as her voice became impassive, professional. She was back to the role of Agent Tyler and difficult for him to read. "There's someone there who Torchwood needs to find. Someone who could help uncover whatever is behind the current issue in the northeast, for one thing. We need someone like that."

He nodded stiffly. "An ally, then."

Her gaze slid off. "Yeah."

His eyes seemed unable to focus on anything other than the ring on her left hand. His gaze remained trained there as he spoke. He needed to know this, too. Forget all the reports he had read – he needed to hear it from _her_. "And what does your…your husband think of all the time you've put into this? Must make for a lot of time spent away working."

Rose's eyes snapped up at his words, then followed his line of sight to the wedding ring. She regarded it with a strangely blank expression, as if she'd forgotten it was even there. She tucked her hands in her lap. "He…he's away a lot, too. Right now, actually. You can imagine how busy the medical field can be. So…he has his own share of duties competing for his time. But, well, I s'pose we both knew ahead of time what we were getting into," she finished with an unsteady quirk of her lips.

"And you two were married here just…just last year?" he choked out.

She nodded, expressionless. "Yeah."

He carefully placed his cup down lest he crush it, eyes pained and throat tight. She had just confirmed it, but something inside him just _couldn't_ accept it. He couldn't take this anymore. He had to know with absolute certainty one way or the other. "Rose, he…you and him…are you–"

Her eyes became instantly guarded as she quickly changed the subject. "I don't like to discuss personal stuff at work. So…speaking of time spent working, I think Torchwood has monopolized enough of yours and Donna's for one day." She abruptly stood. "We're grateful, of course, for your help, and I look forward to getting an early start together tomorrow with the modifications to our scanning system that you'd mentioned. Maybe we'll finally start getting some clearer answers in Norfolk." As she spoke, she took a step away, clearly ready to leave. "No need to worry about bringing your own equipment in. You'll find whatever you need here. And Torchwood provides transportation and nearby accommodations to those giving temporary assistance during investigations. You've been given the directions and keys, right?"

He silently nodded.

"Good. So…yeah. If there's anything else you need, just let us know."

"No, it's all…more than adequate. Thank you."

She gave a nod, her eyes now avoiding his. He didn't know it was to hide the tears that threatened to form and spill over due to the topic of her husband. She didn't know he was fighting his own inner battle due to the same thing. "Well, if you'll excuse me. Nearly dinner time."

He stood up and took a step, unwilling – almost _unable_ to let her go just yet. He couldn't keep on like this. "Rose–" he breathed out, but was cut short. His hearts seized up for an altogether different reason at the sound of an approaching voice.

"There you are!" an all-too familiar female voice rang out from across the room. "Oh, I should've known I'd find you in here. You spend half your life shut up in this room, you do. It ain't healthy."

The Doctor looked to see Jackie Tyler making her way across the Cannon Room. A tangle of emotions twisted in his gut – fondness he once never would have associated with the long-lost woman, and acute fear over what her reaction would surely be to his arrival and subsequent…actions.

Her appearance was more refined than the brassy blonde in track suits of earlier years, but she was undeniably the same strong, brash woman – fiercely protective of her offspring and not the least bit intimidated by a Time Lord. Her blonde hair was up in a stylish twist, and she wore a trim magenta jacket atop a white blouse paired with tailored denims. Her right lapel sported a guest pass, but the Doctor got the feeling Jackie had enough pull to access just about any part of the organization if she wished.

The Doctor swallowed uneasily, hoping to go unnoticed by the elder Tyler woman. Oh, Jackie may _never_ forgive him for this.

"Mum!" Rose greeted, giving her a peck on the cheek. "I'm sorry I'm late. But there's been a lot to do today."

Jackie huffed. "Same story every week. 'S not like I'm draggin' you away for dinner with me every day. Just Thursday's, mind. That's all I ask. And goodness knows that might not last if you have your way," she added.

An expression of conflicted guilt passed over Rose's face.

Rose looked back to the Doctor, and his hope of going unnoticed vanished. "Dr. Smith, this is my mum, Jackie Tyler. Mum, this is Dr. Smith. He's helping us temporarily."

Tentatively, the Doctor stepped forward and extended his hand. "Hello."

Jackie seemed to eye him rather carefully. Too carefully for his comfort. "Charmed. So…are you helpin' with this missile thing?"

"Cannon," Rose corrected.

"Makin' it _safer_, I hope."

"Mum," Rose cut in, knowing her mum's lack of full approval on the project, "let's not talk shop. Besides, I'm half starved."

"And whose fault is that, young lady? Doubt you'd have the notion to eat at all if I didn't see to it."

Rose smiled, half embarrassed by her mum's protectiveness and warmed by her concern. "Well, I'm ready to eat now. So…" She linked arms with Jackie. "I'll see you tomorrow, Dr. Smith."

"Yeah," he rasped out. "You will."

-:-:-:-

The Doctor intended to leave with Donna, but she stayed on a little later to continue working with Shaun. Not wanting to remain in Torchwood longer than necessary and needing to process the events of a _very_ eventful day, the Doctor left to check into the suite he'd been provided, walking the short distance to get some needed air. Knowing he preferred to 'keep a low profile' when it came to personal details, Torchwood had not pressed him and Donna about their respective places of residence. Their cooperation was being sought, so the Institute acted diplomatically, offering close lodging if desired.

It was a posh accommodation nearby, set just off the river. Apparently even a scaled-down Torchwood had assets and connections to spare.

Upon entering, the Doctor gave a halfhearted glance at the studio suite, caring little for the aesthetics. 'Posh' wasn't the sort of thing to impress him. In reality, he didn't really even require a place to sleep. More like a place to pace and try to gather his thoughts.

He pushed up his right sleeve and cast a glance at the silver band around his wrist. He pulled out the sonic and aimed it at the miniscule device within, deactivating the perception filter. He'd had more than enough of this ruse, and he was _not_ looking forward to continuing it the next day. He had to determine how in Rassilon's name he was going to get out of it, though.

He had begun to try to do just that, attempting to figure out just how he was going to proceed in this situation, when a knock sounded at the door. He approached it cautiously, but a glance through the peephole revealed a familiar head of ginger hair on the other side.

He drew in a heavy breath, steeling himself for the inevitable as he opened the door to let her in.

The Doctor plastered a grin on his face. "Donna! There you are! You found our accommodations, I see. Not bad, eh? And how's yours across the way? Comfy? Cozy? Classy? Chic? Adequate for a night's rest, at least. And you deserve it, I might add. I heard you were put straight to work. Even worked later than me. Now _that's_ impressive. Although, I noticed you seemed to be rather enjoying yourself. So what was the name of that bloke you were with all day…Shane, was it? So how was–"

"Oh, shut up," she interrupted, brushing past as he shut the door. "Quit trying to outtalk me so you can avoid what's coming to you." He closed his mouth, fake grin replaced by an irritated scowl. Her expression was much the same as she eyed him up and down. "You're back to being _you_ for now, I see. You're like a chameleon. _Please, _for the love of Mars, tell me you're gonna 'slither' out of that disguise for good and fess up to Rose. You can't keep this up forever, you know."

"I have no plans to continue this for infinity," he replied shortly. His gaze lowered. "And I do know I have to tell her."

Donna felt an ounce of relief. This was at least progress. "So just how long _do_ you plan to keep this up?"

"I…haven't made a firm decision yet," he evaded. "This…well, it has to be done delicately."

She rolled her eyes. "You mean you're putting it off. You want me to do it for you? 'Cause if you don't, I _will_."

A look of horror overtook his face. "Absolutely not! Please! Just…_please_. The time has to be right, Donna. And we both know I have to be the one to do it. But telling her something like this in front of all of Torchwood wouldn't have exactly been ideal. And now she's with her mother. Trust me, _that_ would not be ideal, either."

She folded her arms. "Here's a bit of news for you, Doctor. You're not gonna find the 'ideal' moment because nothing about this is ideal. This isn't going to be easy for either of you. Not by half. But it _has_ to be done."

The Doctor thrust a hand into his hair, tugging as it slid through. "I'm well aware of how difficult this whole thing is."

"It didn't have to be _this_ difficult," she couldn't help but point out. "You shouldn't have even done this in the first place."

"Well, that's beside the point now, I think," he mumbled tonelessly.

Donna took note of his miserable expression. She softened a bit. "Look, Doctor, I think we both know you're not gonna be able to just walk away from her. That's not an option. Even if they didn't need your help here, you couldn't just turn and leave. I don't think you ever could have. As much as it scares you, you're gonna have to let Rose know it's really you…that you're here. Give her the choice she _deserves_ to be able to make."

He swallowed hard, mouth feeling dry and tongue heavy. "And what then? What in creation's name is she going to think of me once she knows?"

"I can't answer that. Because there's only one way for you to find out."

He nodded silently.

Donna regarded him for a moment, coming to realize something she'd overlooked in this. It made some things a little clearer, and considering the Time Lord in question, it did not come as a surprise. "This was never easy for you, was it? The whole relationship thing?" He'd admitted to being 'rubbish' at the start, but she wondered if he'd ever gotten the chance to really find his way and truly get it right.

He let out a short, humorless laugh. "You could say that."

Her mouth twisted in a wry smirk. "Good luck, Rose."

Overlooking the jab, he continued, voice quiet but impassioned. "But…it was worth it."

She stepped closer and put a hand on his arm. "It still _is_."

He gave a tiny half-smile in acknowledgment.

She exhaled, long and heavy. "I'm knackered. It's been a mad day – even by your usual standards – and tomorrow starts early. Get some rest yourself, okay? Maybe things will seem clearer in the morning."

"Goodnight, Donna."

She turned and let herself out.

The Doctor was left to ponder her words and the situation at large. He knew she was right. He was going to have to tell Rose the truth, and the sooner the better. The longer this went on the greater the inevitable hurt would be. The Doctor scrubbed both hands down his face. He did _not_ want to hurt her. He had used that as a reason for doing this in the first place. If she had moved on with her life, he didn't want to muck it up for her.

Donna had been right about his full motives, though. He also didn't want to be faced with her choosing the life she now had over him. It was selfish, but he couldn't escape the emotion.

But it was a choice Rose deserved to be able to make. Regardless of the outcome, he resolved to tell her the next day.

Tomorrow he would turn her life upside down.

In the meantime, the Doctor retrieved the laptop the furnished suite provided and began working on the specifications for the upgrade of Torchwood's scanners. On top of everything else currently taking place, he had an additional uneasy feeling about whatever was lurking in the northeast. Maybe if he could help Torchwood solve this, they would show a trace of lenience when it came to taking a pound of his fraudulent flesh.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N **Two issues approach the tipping point and are both about to get quite sticky.

* * *

**Chapter 9**

When the Doctor arrived with Donna at Torchwood the next morning, no amount of superior Time Lord physiology could diminish the twisting knot in his stomach. Even though he had acknowledged the need to come clean to Rose today, that didn't make the idea of doing so any easier. He didn't just dread the moment. He was terrified of it. What if Rose hated him for this? Or what if she understood but still turned away? What if today was the day he lost her for good?

The dismal stream of thoughts were temporarily overshadowed the moment he and Donna entered the building. As soon as they presented their provisional passes, an agent appeared almost immediately to escort them to an upper floor briefing room. Something was clearly up.

Upon entering, his eyes scanned the room – all buzzing energy and activity – before finding and settling on Rose. She was engaged in conversation with Mickey when her gaze flicked to him and Donna entering the room. She quickly made her way over.

"I'm glad you both made it early," she began straight away. "I was just about to call you in."

"Has something happened?" he questioned, feeling the tension around them.

"Yeah," she answered dismally. "Looks like it'll be a long day."

Donna gave him a look, one that said he was _not_ getting out of his obligation to own-up, regardless of the day's situation. The Doctor flashed her a 'not now' glance in response, and proceeded to learn the details of the present issue.

"Just around dawn, a spike of unidentified energy was registered somewhere in the vicinity of Norfolk," Rose explained. "And this time it was the strongest yet."

The Doctor nodded. "Anything else?"

Her response was grave. "Yeah. People are now missing."

"Missing?" Donna chimed in. "You mean like…abducted by whatever's out there?"

"We can't confirm that for certain, but there's a strong possibility the disappearances are linked. Four hikers have gone missing in Thetford Forest. Two couples strayed from their campsite at dawn for a short hike before breakfast, and according to the other group back at their camp, those four never returned. None of the missing called for help and their phones can't be traced. No one reported hearing a struggle or seeing any signs of coercion. They just…vanished. Local law enforcement was under an advisory to report any unusual incidents to Torchwood, since we've had that region under investigation."

"Maybe they just got lost and their phones aren't working," Donna suggested.

"That would be a possibility," Rose agreed. "Except for the fact that the disappearances happened at the same time the spike in energy was detected."

"Something took them," the Doctor concluded grimly.

Rose went on to explain that a team had been immediately dispatched to investigate, but the closer they drew to the forest the more scrambled their scans became, until the readings were lost entirely. It was like searching blind. The forest had subsequently been vacated and public access restricted. Pete Tyler had made the decision to refrain from sending teams in deeper until they had a better idea of what they were dealing with.

It appeared they were facing some type of intelligence that was purposely interfering with their scans. Sending people in without knowing what sort of entity this was or where, precisely, it was located, was too dangerous. At this point, moving in closer seemed counterproductive as it was, because it seemed the closer they got, the less answers they were able to attain.

The Doctor hoped to change that. He soon produced the schematics he'd drafted for the modifications of Torchwood's scanning equipment. With any luck, they would finally begin to get some concrete answers, because the stakes had just been upped substantially.

-:-:-:-

Considering the circumstances, the Doctor had little opportunity to even attempt to explain himself to Rose. Truthfully, he was relieved to put it off, temporary as it was. For now, he immersed himself in the present issue. The Doctor worked with Torchwood's R&D techs to implement the enhancements to the remote scanner's capabilities.

Donna, too, found herself busy. She had proved valuable the day before, so she was again partnered with Shaun, this time assisting with the transcription of the recent scan's analysis, sketchy as the information was. The two worked straight through lunch. It wasn't until well into the afternoon that hunger finally caught up to them, and they realized they'd have to put work on hold to at least break for food.

"I'm going to be the epitome of generosity and take you to lunch…in the cafeteria downstairs," Shaun offered.

Donna smirked. "How could I turn down such an impressive offer?"

The two made their way to Torchwood's cafeteria located on the ground floor. The food was decent and always fresh, considering the Institute's personnel were prone to eating at any given hour, whenever spare time could be found.

The designated dining space was busy, but they managed to find a clear table near the back of the room. Both tucked into bowls of hot Brunswick stew, the day's lunch specialty.

"So, Miss Donna Noble," Shaun began conversationally. "Records showed that you died in Lumic's Cybermen invasion, yet here you are. If you don't mind my asking…how, exactly?"

Donna paused as she gave thought to her parallel's plight, still trying to wrap her head around the reality of a parallel existence. She could have easily met with the same fate had she been caught up in the Cybermen invasion of her own world.

"I was just…lucky, I suppose. It's daft but…I was scuba diving in Spain and just sort of…missed it all." She shrugged. "Like I said, it's barmy."

"It's a gift. Don't be sorry that you escaped it. Not something like that." His eyes looked momentarily stricken with pain. He shook it off and continued. "So there was a mix-up and you were presumed dead, and in the meantime you took up with Dr. Smith and just remained off the records?"

"Well…something like that," she answered vaguely, feeling another shot of ire toward the Doctor for the current charade she was mixed up with. She meant what she'd said to him – if he didn't come clean today, _she_ would do it for him whether he liked it or not.

"How did you become associated with him?" Shaun continued curiously.

"It just…sort of happened, I suppose. We met by chance – long story, by the way – and I knew right away that he was completely mad but completely extraordinary. We parted ways but then crossed paths again later on. I knew then that I was ready for something…I dunno…more in life. Like I said, he's completely mad, but just as brilliant. Don't tell him I said so, mind. But yeah, his life is so extraordinary, traveling from one place to the next, never stopping, seeing things no one else ever would because no one else would bother to look closely enough."

"So you and him…you're…" He made a vague back-and-forth gesture with his hand.

Donna wrinkled her brow, then caught his meaning, her eyes widening. "What? No! Blimey, _no_. Gross. He's just a mate. A friend."

"So…you're unattached? A vibrant woman like you?" He ducked his head, looking slightly embarrassed. "Sorry. That was…that's none of my business."

Donna eyed him coyly. "Well…I didn't say I minded you asking, did I?" She paused. "And the answer's yes."

He smiled slightly before clearing his throat and returning his attention to his lunch.

"What about you?" she asked outright. Fair was fair.

He kept his eyes down, stirring his stew as he shook his head. "No. No one."

"How about your family?" she continued, curious. "Parents and whatnot. What do they think of your work here?"

"No family, either," he replied in a low tone. His eyes lifted, and met hers as he continued in a strained voice. "The Cybermen killed them. They all died six years ago inside Lumic's main factory. My parents, my little sister, my girlfriend. All dead. I only survived because I never liked the earpods and didn't wear them."

Donna was momentarily silenced, unsure of what to even say. "Oh, Shaun…I'm sorry. Really. That's…that's horrible."

"It wasn't long after when I signed up with Torchwood, once the People's Republic took over. They were re-organizing, and tracking down every last one of Lumic's monsters. I needed to take part any way that I could. My background is in IT and data analysis, but even though I don't join the field teams out on front-line missions, I can still play a part."

"'Course you can," she readily concurred. "Where would organizations like this be if not for the brains behind the scenes, like us?"

He half-smiled. "Is that what we are, eh?"

"Absolutely," she affirmed proudly.

He lifted his can of soda. "To our unmatched brain power, then."

-:-:-:-

For the Doctor, the day seemed to pass in a whirl, keeping him occupied throughout. Progress had been made with the remote scanners. A long-range trial of the modified equipment picked up and confirmed a residual energy spike somewhere in the vast forestland near Norfolk. The type of energy was still unidentified, as was the exact origin. With further work he hoped to achieve more precise readings. Until then, Pete held firm to the decision to keep agents at a distance.

With the steady work that had been done, there had barely been a chance for the Doctor to stop, much less find an opportunity to talk to Rose alone. Properly. He still didn't have a clue where he would even begin once he did have the chance. He was going to have to come up with an appropriate lead-in very soon, though.

After working well past the usual schedule, Rose knew they both needed to take a break and step away for the night or they'd be no good the next day. Grateful for his continued help, she extended the invitation for him to join her for dinner. Rose invited Donna as well, but she had already offered to stay just a bit longer assisting Shaun. It looked like it would just be the two of them, then.

The Doctor knew this was the opportunity he needed. Though he thoroughly dreaded what was soon to come, he accepted, practically nailed to the wall with the look Donna gave him in parting. He got the message. No more avoidance.

"There's a chippy not far – one of the best around here," Rose said as they headed out of the building and into the warm evening air. "Feels good just being outside for a bit, and it's close enough that we could walk. Not exactly high class, but it's good."

"That sounds fine," he was quick to agree, feeling anxious, ready to crawl out of his skin. A walk in the open air had its appeal. Maybe he could catch his breath before taking this plunge. "Fish and chips it is."

"Not the best seating, though," she reconsidered. "It's small and usually crowded. Most times I just take it back to my flat. It's not far." Rose chewed her lip for a second. "We…could do that, I s'pose," she finished with a half shrug.

Rose instantly felt unsure the moment she'd suggested it. They barely knew each other. And even if that wasn't the case, she was _not_ in the habit of inviting men to her flat. She firmly reminded herself their acquaintance was strictly professional, so there was absolutely no reason for him to think of the offer in any sort of personal way. She certainly wasn't allowing _her_ mind to go anywhere near the idea.

And yet, the more she was around this man the more that unusual churning feeling within her grew. So she firmly tamped it down and focused solely on work whenever she was with him. She would do the same now. Despite the hours of work they'd already put in, she wanted to continue discussing ideas with him. The disappearances had taken precedence for the day, and rightly so; but she was eager to learn more of his thoughts on the Cannon as well.

His expression was inscrutable, and he paused before answering. The Doctor knew this was the exact opportunity he needed. Which meant there was no putting this off any longer. "That…sounds fine."

"Or we could choose something else," she quickly suggested, noting his hesitancy. "It doesn't have to be fish and chips. We could–"

"No, really. That's fine. And it would give us a chance to…talk more. About the investigation and…whatnot," he clarified.

"Right," she responded with a nod. "Chips to go, then."

-:-:-:-

It was getting well past dinnertime by the time Donna and Shaun were finally ready to call it a day. Well, Donna was, at any rate. Shaun had insisted she call it a night when the Doctor and Rose had left, but she'd stayed to continue helping him. She didn't know Shaun well enough to determine whether this was the norm for him when it came to investigations, but his focus seemed consumed by the issue in Norfolk's forestland. Obsessively so. He hadn't stopped re-analyzing the data from the scans during the time of the disappearances.

"We shouldn't be sitting back trying to scan that area from a distance," he groused, wearily rubbing his eyes, bloodshot from staring at his computer screen for so long. "We _finally_ have an idea of the general location. If Torchwood would just send a team into the forest to get some readings up close, then maybe we'd actually get somewhere."

"It's too much of a risk without knowing what's out there first. Or _where_, exactly," Donna reminded him. "They're being cautious."

"Too cautious. Meanwhile, those who've been taken could have anything being done to them." He took a glance around his cubicle before speaking this a little quieter. "Pete Tyler is overly cautious, and that's the problem here. He lost people to the Cyerbmen too, and that's why he tends to hold back if he thinks he might be putting teams in danger. This isn't the first time he's taken this approach. But taking it slow is _not_ the answer here. If people would have moved more quickly to stop what was happening inside those factories of Lumic's, then more lives could have been saved. Just like now. If Torchwood would get out there and _do_ something, then maybe it wouldn't be too late for those who've been taken."

"The Doctor…that is, Dr. Smith…he's working to try to find out more about what's out there, too. And he will. I know he will. Once they know what they're dealing with they'll know how to go after it."

"And what if it's too late? Do we then tell the families, 'sorry we didn't get your loved ones out in time, but we had to wait until it was nice and safe for us.' What bloody good are we, then?"

"Well, nobody's gonna be helped by storming in there and getting themselves in the same mess." His expression was still obstinate, unswayed. Donna sighed. "Look, you've been at this too long. Give yourself at least a few minute's break. I'll bring us both a coffee."

"Yeah, sure," he agreed dully.

When Donna returned to the cubicle a few minutes later, Shaun had stepped away to retrieve the printout of the latest calibrations that had been made to the scanning system. Donna took a quick glance at his computer screen to see where he was at so she could help. It was then she realized what he was planning. He had a clear route mapped out, along with calibrations for an up-close scan.

He returned a second later. He sat down and quickly turned the computer away from her and toward himself. "Thanks for the coffee," he stated casually, reaching for the steaming cup.

Donna stared at him. He deliberately avoided her gaze. "You're planning on going out there to get closer yourself," she accused.

He threw a nervous glance over his shoulder. "How about a little louder, eh? I don't think they heard you on the top floor."

Donna lowered her voice but continued. "Well, the whole bloody building _should_ hear!" she hissed. "You're half mad if you're actually planning to do this."

"You don't know I'm planning any such thing," he deflected.

"I saw it!"

He shook his head. "What you saw was a possible plan for a close-proximity scan once teams are finally allowed into the area. I analyze situations based on available data and project possible outcomes. It's what I do. I'm just trying to help them be prepared once the okay is given to move in."

Donna sat back, but she kept a wary eye on him, unconvinced.

He gave her a soft smile. "I appreciate your concern, though." He downed a gulp of his coffee as he shut down his laptop, tucked it under his arm and stood. "And you're right about one thing. I think it's finally time to call it a day. I'd say we both deserve a rest from all this."

Donna breathed a sigh of relief and stood. "That's what I said hours ago. Thank God Torchwood put me up close by. I'm going straight for a long hot soak, is what I'm gonna do. So…are you nearby, or do you have a long drive home ahead?" she asked nonchalantly, hoping he didn't have a long commute in which to further stew about all this. He just needed to get home and relax.

"Not far. Just down in Croydon."

The two made their way out of the building and down to the lower garage, where they said goodnight. She and the Doctor had been given the use of a vehicle while assisting here. Since the Doctor had already left with Rose, Donna helped herself to the car.

She slid into the black Mini Cooper and started the engine. Donna watched as Shaun got in his own silver two-door and drove away. She waited a few moments, then pulled out behind him, following a moderate distance back. She felt like a bit of a stalker, but she had his own welfare in mind. She hoped to be proven wrong and certainly didn't want to report him and get him in trouble without proof, but something told her he might be planning to take the long way home.

-:-:-:-

The Doctor and Rose had walked the few blocks to the nearby chippy. The popular eatery was bustling with customers. As the two stepped inside, they were met with the noisy atmosphere of clanging dishes and buzzing conversation. After a few minute's wait in the queue, they received their fresh, steaming orders. They then made the short trek by foot to Rose's flat.

Initially, Rose had finally settled in her mind that taking their meal back to her place was a non-issue. They were both hungry and needed to eat, during which she hoped for more time to discuss the Cannon and the current investigation. Plus they needed an environment where they could discuss sensitive subject matter out of earshot of the general public. Her flat had been the logical choice. Simple.

As they entered the apartment tower and rode the lift to her floor, however, the situation suddenly felt decidedly less simple.

Aside from her family and a few other colleagues dropping by, she'd not had anyone over since being here. She'd certainly not entertained male guests. Rose quickly reminded herself that this man was no different than any other Torchwood colleague, even if they'd only just met. She couldn't shake the feeling that there was something different about him, though. Something indefinable. There was something in his cool blue eyes when he looked at her, and in the way his mere presence filled a room. She couldn't put her finger on what it was, but it inexplicably drew her in. That, in turn, made her feel the need to withdraw.

She had vowed to herself never to develop feelings for anyone else. How could she? No matter how many well-meaning people had told her she had the right to move on, she had kept herself only for the Doctor. That's why the stirrings this man evoked unnerved her. Then there was the fact that he possessed an innate brilliance like few others. In fact, only one other person came to mind in that regard and to such a degree. Rose realized she was no doubt projecting similarities with the Doctor onto this astute scientist, and she was _not_ going to go down that path.

With that resolution firmly in mind, she approached her door and sifted through her purse for the key. He moved closer to free her hands of the carryout bag, but she managed on her own, unlocking the door and pushing it open.

"Got it, thanks."

Rose walked in with her dinner partner following behind. She placed their bag of hot food on the gray granite bar overlooking the living space. She turned back to him and noticed he was still standing by the door, looking a little stiff and out of place. Maybe he was starting to feel this was a little too personal as well. Brilliant. Now they were _both_ going to feel uncomfortable.

"Make yourself at home," she hospitably offered, putting on a casual smile. "I'm just gonna run to the loo. Be back in a sec."

He nodded as she slipped into the bedroom at the rear of the flat.

The Doctor stood in the middle of Rose's apartment feeling dazed. The reality of this moment was strangely surreal. He could visit anywhere in Time and Space, but this was the one place he never imagined he would see. He had tried to picture it so many times. Had Rose remained with Pete and Jackie in the Tyler mansion? Or had she taken a place of her own, perhaps in the country? Or in the city? Tower flat or semi-detached? He'd never been able to picture it clearly because he'd never been able to envision Rose as dwelling anywhere other than where she belonged. On the TARDIS.

Now here he was, finally able to see one more element of the life she had made for herself here. He tried very hard to focus on those elements of Rose and push out of his mind the fact that if reports were true, she shared this place with another man. She said he was away right now. The Doctor was immensely glad there would be no possible encounter tonight, because he didn't think he was prepared for that just yet. If ever. First he had to come clean about himself to Rose, and _that_ was going to be difficult enough.

The Doctor perused the flat, unable to suppress the desire to learn more of Rose and her life here. His first impression was that the space seemed to lack the innate qualities that would make it seem like _her_. There were very few personal mementos, and even photographs were sparse. The flat itself seemed barely lived in.

Reluctantly, like needing to sift through wreckage to assess the extent of the damage, the Doctor looked for traces of this reported other man. There was nothing, though. No pieces of mail with a name other than Rose's, no items lying about that suggested a male shared the space, not even a photo of an unrecognized face.

The only pictures were the scant few on the mantel. The Doctor moved to take a closer look. There was a photo of Jackie and Pete cradling an infant. A later photo of Rose holding a blonde-headed toddler on her hip led him to presume Rose's sibling was a boy. She had a brother. There was another photo of her with her team – Mickey and Jake. They looked worn out, mud-caked and overall worse for wear, but happy. No…more than that. It was a look of relief. It must have been taken at the conclusion of a successful mission. The Doctor felt a sickening shudder at the thought of the dangerous situations Rose no doubt encountered in her line of work. That was one aspect of her life here he always fought to keep from dwelling upon. The thought that she might be in positions of danger, apart from him, made their separation all the more agonizing.

He turned from the photos and glanced once more around the room. There was absolutely no trace of another man sharing Rose's life. The Doctor was instantly hit with two surging emotions at once – hope and guilt.

The more he learned of Rose's life, the less credibility reports of her recent marriage held. _Rassilon_, what had he done? He desperately wanted his hope to be proven true, but how could Rose forgive him if he had not only deceived her, but been willing to believe she'd given herself to another?

He was shaken out of his thoughts and brought back to the present as Rose re-entered the room. No more speculating. No more hiding. It ended here. Whether it brought relief or disaster, he was going to have to face this head-on.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N **I didn't plan to be able to post this next chapter until after Thanksgiving, but it seems the 50th has had my desire to bring Ten & Rose together working overtime.

* * *

**Chapter 10**

From her trailing position a few cars back, Donna felt a pang of guilt for following Shaun, uncertain whether her suspicions were founded. But when he pulled onto the A4 heading northeast, her suspicions gained merit. He certainly wasn't going home to Croydon by this route.

The miles passed, and it became clear he was heading for Norfolk. Once he turned onto Savoy Street, there was no denying it. He was nearing Thetford Forest.

Donna was debating her next move. She could report him and have Torchwood descend in force to stop whatever he had planned. But maybe if she could just reason with him first she could spare his career. She needed to get him to stop, and was considering her options for doing so when he himself pulled off the side of the road and came to a halt. Though she'd been following a fairly good distance back, Donna suspected that _he_ now suspected. She'd had enough of this game. Donna pulled over behind him and stopped. Both turned off the engines and exited their vehicles.

"Do you honestly think I'm that stupid?" she laid into him as he approached. "I _knew_ you were planning this! I said so!"

"Donna, if anybody's the stupid one, it's me," Shaun admitted in a placating voice.

She leveled him with a glare. "Got that right, mate."

"But I _have_ to do this!" he desperately insisted.

She threw her hands in the air. "Why?"

"Because no one else will. That's why."

"Give them time! You can't just go blundering in. You have to give them time to find out what's out here first so they know the best way to go after it."

He folded his arms. "Which is never going to happen if someone doesn't get out here and get a decent reading of this thing."

"But Dr. Smith is working on it. He–"

"Might be clever but is only human," Shaun interrupted.

"Oh, you'd be surprised," she muttered.

He cocked his head and took a step closer. "What?"

Donna was thoroughly fed up with side-stepping the truth; so she just came out with it. "Oh, fine. You'll find out soon enough anyway, once he plucks enough courage to admit it. Dr. Smith is the Doctor. _The Doctor_. You've heard of him, I assume? Sort of the point of the Dimension Cannon. And as for me, I've been traveling with him. He just hasn't let on to everyone that he's here yet because…well, because he's an idiot when it comes to certain things. Like relationships and his own self-worth. But that's beside the point right now. The point is, I _know_ he can solve this. I know he can. So just _wait_ and let him try."

Shaun shook his head, bemused. "You're saying he's _here_? The Doctor? He's here? And you travel with him? Donna, why didn't you tell me this?"

"Why didn't _you_ tell me about _this_?" she countered.

He glanced down. "Fair enough. I suppose we both have our secrets."

"Well that's something we can have a nice argument about later." Donna cast her eyes down the darkened road ahead. "Now c'mon…shift. Let's get out of here while we still can."

Shaun showed no sign of moving. "And then what? Depend on this Almighty Doctor to solve everything? A man who isn't even upfront about who he really is? Now that sounds like a bang-up plan."

"You don't know him," she defended. "He isn't perfect, no. But he's capable of more than you can imagine."

"I've heard," Shaun answered flatly. "I've heard from Mickey and Jake about that night inside Lumic's main factory. He was here then, this Doctor."

"Yeah, and he helped stop it."

"But not before people _died_," he ground out. "I've also heard of Angela Price. She worked with the Preachers and Pete Tyler back in the early days. She was with the Doctor that night. And she was killed right in front of him. He can't save everyone." His jaw clenched. "He didn't save my family."

Donna's tone softened as she moved closer. "He's one of the most…amazing people I've ever known. I've seen him do things – _save_ people – in ways no one else ever could." Donna paused, also thinking of the sometimes-unstoppable death and destruction she'd seen while with him. "But…he's still just a man. One man. Like I said, he isn't perfect. He can't work miracles. But he tries. Oh, how he tries. And he's the best hope we have in this."

"Well maybe he needs a helping hand," Shaun added. "I've got to do this, Donna. For the sake of those people now missing. For their families." He half-shrugged. "Besides, I'd rather it be me to do this than anyone else. I've lost _everyone_. So I've got nothing more to lose here."

It took all of Donna's restraint to keep from smacking him. "Don't you dare talk like that!"

"This has to be done," he again argued.

"I could call Torchwood right now."

"They wouldn't get here before I've finished." He turned and walked back to his car.

"Shaun, you're being an idiot!" she called after him.

"Probably," he agreed, still walking.

She watched his retreating back. There seemed to be no stopping him. If that was the case, the only thing she knew to do in that crucial split second was to help better his odds.

She walked toward him, heading for the car's passenger side. "Then let's get on with it."

He stopped and turned to face her. "What?"

"You think I'm just gonna stand here and let you do this on your own? Don't argue with me. You either take my help or you turn back right now."

He shook his head. "Donna, it's too dangerous."

"Oh, you're the one trying to tell _me_? Now that's rich."

He could see in her eyes that she wasn't any more likely to back down than he was. She wasn't going to leave him to face this alone. "I'll be quick," he finally agreed. "I have a scanner with me, already calibrated. Once we start to get close, I'll pull off and you can stay in the car with the phone as backup."

"I'm mad," she muttered. "Completely mad. But I suppose I knew that the moment I decided to spend my life traveling inside a box. Well then, let's get this done before I find my sanity."

She slid into Shaun's car, and together they drove toward the main entry road to the forest. They soon came upon the roadblock Torchwood had implemented to prevent townspeople from getting too close to the area. Shaun maneuvered around it, taking a bumpy route through the side underbrush, barely clearing the wooden barricade. After narrowly squeezing through, he continued on ahead.

"Just how close do you plan to get?" Donna questioned, growing more anxious the deeper they drove into the dark, eerily-empty forest.

"Not much farther." He glanced at his GPS system. "I'm going to stay a few miles away from the missing hiker's last known whereabouts. With the enhanced scanner that should be close enough, but hopefully still a safe distance. If whatever's out there has somehow pulled people in, I'm betting it can't do it across longer distances. Otherwise, it's possible it would have already taken more."

"Awful lot of assumptions," Donna murmured.

They eventually passed a side route to their left, and Donna peered at the name as they went by, briefly illuminated by the headlights. "Harling Drove," she repeated. "How much farther to the area where we stop?"

His brow creased in a deep frown. "It couldn't have been. You must have read it wrong. I've studied this area extensively, and we wouldn't reach that point until we were nearly right on top of the suspected zone."

"I know what I saw," she insisted.

Shaun brought the car to an abrupt stop. "No, it _can't_ be. We haven't gone that far yet." He began fiddling with the GPS system. His expression grew concerned. "Something's not right. I think this is malfunctioning."

"Brilliant," Donna groaned. Her face fell as a grim thought occurred to her. "Or what if this…this _thing_ messed with the instrumentation? Like with the earlier scans? The Doctor said it might have the capability to do that…to interfere. They think this is some sort of intelligence. It might have _let_ us get this close because it _wanted_ us here."

His eyes met hers, unable to hide the fact that his concern was increasing. "I'm going to turn back, get a little farther away. Then I'll stop and scan from there. It won't take long." He reached in the glove compartment and pulled out a palm-sized scanning device.

He put the car in reverse and began backing up to swing around and head in the opposite direction.

"Shaun?" Donna spoke up, her eyes glued on the dark expanse of forest beside them as they began to move.

"Yeah?"

"I…I think I saw something out there. Just over there, through those trees."

Now turned around, he began back in the direction they'd come as he gazed in the rearview mirror to try to see what she was referring to. "What do you mean? What did you see?"

"Like…like a light of some sort. Definitely a light. And I think it was moving this way," she said, craning her neck to see behind them. Her voice rose. "There! I see it…it's there!"

His hands gripped the steering wheel. "It's coming," he confirmed, gunning the accelerator as a bright silver glow illuminated the forest, seeped onto the road, and began gaining on them.

"We're not going to make it!" she yelled, the ominous cloud advancing upon them down the dark abandoned access street.

Shaun cut his eyes to her, wide and apologetic. "I'm sorry, Donna. I never should have let you come." He then stopped the car.

"What are you doing?!"

"Getting an accurate reading on this is our only hope now. It's the only way for anyone to know how to fight it. With any luck, these new calibrations will hold out long enough to get just one second of data before the scan is scrambled. That's all we need. Torchwood will have the information to find us. All of us." He quickly reached for the scanning device, which was programmed to download directly to Torchwood's mainframe. He fished for his mobile with his other hand, hit speed dial, and tossed it to her. "Tell them where we are, what's happening, as much as you can while I take this reading."

Donna put the phone to her ear and spoke rapidly, all the while her eyes remaining on the advancing entity. "This is Donna Noble. I'm with Shaun Temple within Thetford Forest near…near Harling Drove. We're taking a reading on the…thing that's out here, but it's coming. It's coming and we can't get away! Tell the Doctor where we are! Tell him–"

A luminous silvery cloud filled the car, oozing through the interior like a noxious fog. It passed over the occupants, and their conscious thoughts were seized.

The presence then slowly retracted into the night.

In a trance-like state, its latest victims exited the car and began walking into the woods, disappearing into the dark forest and toward the entity beckoning them.

-:-:-:-

After freshening up, Rose returned to the living room to join her guest.

The second their eyes met, the Doctor's hearts nearly stopped. So this was it. He couldn't put it off any longer in hopes of finding the right words. There were _no_ right words. Nothing he could say would make this any easier. Just the act of speaking was itself proving difficult at the moment. His tongue felt heavy in his mouth, weighed down with words almost too numerous to voice.

She cast him a small smile, then retrieved the bag of take-out.

"We can eat on the couch if you'd like. More comfortable. I almost never use the table."

He nodded, hoping it didn't appear tight. "That's fine."

She slipped into the kitchen and stopped off at the fridge. "Fancy a Vitex?" she called. "And don't worry, I won't breathe a word to Pete if the answer is no. I sort of like the lime twist myself, though. I've also got orange and cherry."

"Whatever you're having is fine with me," he replied back absently, moving to sit heavily on the couch.

She retrieved two cans of lime twist Vitex and moved to join him on the beige suede couch, setting their food out on the coffee table in front of them.

Rose sat back, gave him a small smile, then glanced away.

His hands gripped his thighs, bunching and unbunching the fabric at his knees. Rose reached for her Vitex and took a sip as she threw him another glance.

"Rose–"

"Is something wrong–"

They both spoke at once.

"Sorry. Go ahead," she offered.

He made a short, breathless sound as air rushed out of his lungs. "I would if…if I knew where to start. I'm just…sort of rubbish when it comes to talking."

She smirked. "You can hold your own pretty well, from what I've seen."

He shook his head. "Not always. Not when it really counts."

"Sounds like someone I used to know," she murmured.

He briefly squeezed his eyes shut. There was no way to ease into this, so he just let the words blunder out. "Rose, you told me that you were married here last year. But…" He opened his eyes and looked at her.

She visibly retracted as her eyes fell downward and lingered there. "Like I said before, I'd rather not discuss personal matters." Rose stood up and walked toward the windows, food forgotten. "This has nothing to do with Torchwood business." She turned back then, and he detected the shine of moisture in her eyes, even as they flashed in warning. "Why are you bringing this up again?"

He swallowed painfully. "Because I'm trying to explain something, but…I don't even know where to start."

"You could start by making sense."

"You don't have a husband here, do you?" he all but whispered.

She stared at him, eyes glassy but fierce. "Not that it's any of your concern, but yes I _do_," she finally answered with passion. "He's _always_ with me."

A pained noise rose in his throat. _Oh, Rose, _the Doctor inwardly lamented.

The fact that his age-old self-doubts had contributed to him assuming the worst and then deceiving Rose was something that made his insides twist. Despite these bitter emotions, however, was the stark contrast of elation as he realized without a doubt that Rose was referencing him. Typical. He could not experience one simple emotion. Things always seemed to become muddied and complex where he and emotions were concerned.

And now his bloody complicated emotions had gone and mucked this up so badly. The screaming question now in his head was how would Rose take the truth? He almost hoped for the most painful slap of his lives. If one didn't come from her, he might deliver it to himself.

"I'm so sorry," he finally choked out.

She stared at him, measuredly, brows knit. "Why should you be sorry?"

He scrubbed both hands over his face as he leaned forward on his elbows. "If I rattled off the list we'd be here for years. But I'm referring to one significant reason in particular."

She slowly shook her head, coming closer and sitting back down. "You're still not making any sense."

He turned his head to look her in the eyes, voice raw and throat tight. "I haven't been honest with you, Rose. But I didn't come here with the intention of being deceptive. I didn't even mean to deceive you at all. It just…happened. I made a rash decision, one thing led to another, I got in deeper and deeper and I didn't know how to fix or undo it. And I couldn't just…just take it all back. But I could have stopped it sooner. And I _should_ have stopped it sooner. But I didn't. And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. But I'm trying to somehow…fix it now. Well, I don't know that I can just…just _fix_ it. But I can tell you the truth, at least. And apologize. And hope that somehow you can–"

"Just stop. Slow down. Breathe." Rose said, eyeing him with extreme confusion. She'd never heard anyone rattle on so much in a single breath since… Rose swallowed hard, eyes riveted to his. "What is it you're really trying to say?" she questioned slowly.

"Rose," he breathed on a whisper, voice seeping into the core of her being. "Oh, Rose…"

Her expression gave way to sheer astonishment as her eyes flitted between both of his, then roved every feature of his unfamiliar, yet in this moment somehow _familiar_ face. She didn't respond with words. She responded with the instinctive reach of her mind stretching toward his, seeking and finally, _finally_ finding.

Despite his portion of their bond being suppressed, her essence doused his mind like fuel tossed on a flame, igniting in a burst of intensity. She could _feel_ him. She then drew back as quickly as she'd advanced, outwardly heaving a gasp as she bolted up from the couch.

"Rose," he said again, voice wrapped in caution as he stood slowly, lest he overwhelm her.

"Oh my God…" Her hand flew up to cover her mouth, either to smother a sob or keep from being sick, he wasn't sure which. Nearly trembling, she slowly lowered her hand and attempted to speak, her whispered words cracking around the edges. "It's you. It's really _you_."

He nodded shakily. "Yes."

"You…you've regenerated," she rasped.

Now _this_ was where it was about to get all the more complicated.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N **Time to face the truth…and the consequences.

* * *

**Chapter 11**

"_Oh my God…" Her hand flew up to cover her mouth, either to smother a sob or keep from being sick, he wasn't sure which. Nearly trembling, she slowly lowered her hand and attempted to speak, her whispered words cracking around the edges. "It's you. It's really you."_

_He nodded shakily. "Yes."_

"_You…you've regenerated," she rasped._

_Now _this_ was where it was about to get all the more complicated. _

The Doctor opened his mouth, but any reply seemed to stick in his throat. Rose continued to gape at this impossible man, her eyes wide, her mind awhirl.

"No. No, I haven't regenerated," he spoke at last.

A multitude of questions were flying through her head, making it nearly impossible to pin a single one down. She stepped closer. He remained still, letting the initial movement be hers. Ever so tentatively, her hand gravitated out toward the unfamiliar face. She snatched back at the last second, curling her hand to her chest.

"But you've changed," she breathed out.

"Not…not really," he stammered. "This is the perceived appearance of a past regeneration."

Rose slowly shook her head side-to-side, not comprehending.

Expelling a shaky breath, he pushed back the gray sleeve of his suit to reveal the spiraling silver band around his wrist.

Rose's breath caught at the sight. She wasn't even thinking of the perception filter it had housed. Her only thought was its symbolic significance.

"Do you remember this?"

"'Course I do," came her rapid reply. Though he had only ever worn it briefly, she would never forget.

"And…do you remember how it was first used?"

Her gaze lifted from the band and found his eyes. She began to understand, evidenced by the expression of deep hurt that cut across her face.

Eyes remorseful, he withdrew the sonic screwdriver and aimed it at the perception filter, deactivating the illusion.

The face she had known, the face she had _longed_ for, the face she had last seen on a wind-swept beach, was suddenly right before her. The gravity-defying hair and sideburns, deep brown eyes that crinkled 'round the edges, freckles and that supple bottom lip, pinstripes and trainers – it was the man she had known and loved and lost.

Her head swam and heart pounded erratically. Rose stared at him, frozen, as if she were seeing a ghost. They gazed breathlessly at each other, neither saying a word. Perhaps he'd expected yelling, screaming and cursing. Perhaps he _deserved_ yelling, screaming and cursing. What he got instead was silence. Rose was momentarily unsure _how_ to respond. If his audible swallow and rigid frame was an indicator, this unnerved him more than any other reaction. This reaction kept him from knowing what she was thinking or feeling. He wasn't alone in that. She didn't yet know herself.

He opened his mouth to utter another feeble apology when she finally spoke one word, steeped in hurt.

"Why?"

Silently, he slipped the band from his wrist and tucked it in his pocket. He wasn't sure he deserved to be wearing it at the moment. "Because I…thought you'd moved on with your life, Rose. I thought it was better this way. Better not to turn everything upside down."

"Better to _lie_ to me?" she flung back, finding her voice.

"That was never my intention," he swore. "I didn't even mean for you to see me at first." Rose recoiled, taking a step back. He took a half step forward, but stopped himself from breaking the barrier of space she needed. "But even though I thought you'd moved on, I _needed_ to see you. I needed to know if you were truly happy. But then…you suddenly came upon me and I just…didn't know what to do. I regretted what I'd done that very second, but I didn't know how to tell you. Then I…I pressed questions about your life because I needed to know if it was better for me to remain a memory and let you live out your life without me overturning it; to let you hold on to whatever happiness you might have found here."

Her eyes grew wider. Each passing second bombarded her with new information to process. "You weren't even planning to let me know you were here?!"

"I _would_ have," he vowed. "If I thought you still wanted to be with me then I would have."

Her disbelief grew. "_If_ you thought I still wanted…? Doctor, how could you possibly think that I _wouldn't_ have?"

His eyes dipped. She realized he was focused on her hand. The ring. "Because I thought you'd found someone else. Someone who could give you a normal human life and everything I couldn't. Because the media here said you'd _married_ last year, Rose."

His explanation did nothing to justify this to her. "And you believed _that_ over my feelings for you? Over everything we've been and everything we've had?"

"You deserved to move on," he answered quietly. "And then I asked and you confirmed what reports had said, and–"

"I fed the media the story about my marriage because I wanted it known that I was taken!" she cut in. Rose looked down at her left hand. She slid the ring she'd used as a prop off her finger and tucked it in her pocket. "Or so I'd thought." Her eyes lifted to his. "And I'm not in the habit of telling _strangers_ the real facts of my personal life. That's who you let me think you were. A stranger."

"I couldn't do it, Rose!" he finally burst out. "If you _had_ moved on, I couldn't look you in the eyes and tell you goodbye one more time. Not again. If there was even a chance you'd moved on and I had to face you telling me that…I couldn't…I just couldn't."

Silence was all that existed between them for several moments.

"So this was all because of your own selfish fears?" she questioned in a low voice.

His eyes dropped. "I never said I was right for doing it. Quite the opposite. It was a stupid mistake made in the heat of the moment. I should have just listened to Donna and–"

"And who is _she_? Really?" Rose questioned him, attempting to piece the shards of all this together. "I suppose you've been traveling with her, yeah?"

He nodded. "Yes."

"And…?"

The Doctor wore a blank expression. "And…and what?"

Rose expelled a long breath. "Are you and she anything more?"

His eyes widened. "What? No! _No_. How could you think that?"

Her laugh was short and bitter. "How could _you_ think I'd just as easily move on to someone else? Bit hypocritical to judge my question, don't you think?"

His rigid shoulders slumped. "You're right. I'm sorry. But no, Rose. She's traveled with me. Donna's been with me but not _with_ me. Not like that. Not like…us. Never like us. No one else was."

Rose's arms crossed to wrap around her middle. "There were others, too?"

He nodded. "There was Martha, before Donna. Well, sort of before. Technically I met Donna first. But yes, there was Martha Jones. She was a medical student, and–"

Rose held up her hands. "W-wait. Wait. No, just…just hold off on all that for now. First things first." Her mind was whirling at a dizzying pace as she voiced her next question. "_How_? How did you even get here? You said it was impossible."

"It _would_ have been impossible, if it hadn't been for you." Rose waited for further clarification, not following much of _any_ of this. "The Dimension Cannon," he explained. "That's how I was able to make it through."

Rose combed her fingers through her hair and tucked it behind her ears. "But it hasn't even been able to make it all the way through the walls of reality."

"But it created a partial opening from this side. The TARDIS detected the disturbance. Then, by applying equal pressure from the other side, I was able to complete the process and create a temporary stable portal that I could slip through. You helped make it possible, Rose. You did that."

Even as he spoke, she was still trying to get a grasp on it all. So much time and effort and devotion had gone into the Cannon, only to yield what she'd thought were failures. Yet it had apparently worked and she hadn't even known. He'd been _here_ and she hadn't even known. "H-how long? How long have you been here?"

"Just since yesterday. Shortly before you arrived on the scene and found us. Where you first came upon us, Rose, that's where the TARDIS came through."

"But it wasn't there…," she puzzled out loud.

"I…," his eyes slid from hers, "I put it one second out of sync so that it wouldn't be seen."

"Of course you did," she answered angrily. Her gaze bored into him, studying his every breath until he was squirming uncomfortably. "I knew there was something more about you," she uttered. "I could feel it. And y'know what else I felt? Guilty. _I _felt _guilty _for feeling something more toward you. All the while you went on and said _nothing_."

He took a wary step forward. "Rose…"

She released a laugh then. Even to her own ears it sounded a touch hysterical and far from joyful. "I imagined it so many times, y'know? Every time it was this…this larger-than-life moment. The TARDIS just materializing right in the middle of Torchwood or the middle of the street or the middle of my flat. Or I'd make it through with the Cannon and there you'd be, waiting for me, running toward me. We'd see each other and just…run. We'd run and not stop until we were together and nothing else mattered anymore. S'pose we've never had storybook moments like that without somethin' mucking it up though, eh? But it didn't have to be epic. It didn't have to be romantic or even close to perfect. But no matter how it might have happened, I never _once_ imagined that you would make it here and not even try to let me know – that you would hide yourself from me."

His voice was thick. "I never planned this either, Rose. But I did have fears of getting here too late...imagined scenarios that almost stopped me from even trying. And then when I got here and read–"

"You think that makes it better?" she interrupted. "Justifies it? That means you thought I could just easily move on."

"You _deserved_ to be able to move on," he stated honestly.

"Maybe I did," she agreed sadly. "Maybe you did, too. But we both know that wasn't possible. Or at least…_I_ knew it wasn't. Maybe it would have been easy for you, and that's why you thought it would be easy for me, too."

"Of course not," he vehemently objected.

"Then why did you think I could have?"

"Because everything about your life here said you _had_."

"And that's all it took to convince you," she concluded sharply.

He drug a hand through his hair, the familiar gesture doing things to her insides in contradiction to the pain, confusion and anger she was currently feeling.

"I made a mistake. An enormous mistake for which I will no doubt regret for a very, very, very long time. A mistake I am eternally sorry for right now. I don't know how many other ways I can say it, Rose. I was wrong and I'm sorry and I wish I had thought it through. But I'd hoped…I'd hoped that once it was out in the open between us we could begin to move forward." His eyes were pools of regret and voice a touch desperate. "Let me start over."

His plea lodged in her chest, trying to crack the walls that were forming in self-preservation. Then a startling thought occurred to her in regards to this man and his capabilities. Simple words were never simple when it came to him. "You can't go back in time and change this," she answered in alarm.

He looked as if a chill ran down his spine. "No," he agreed darkly. "Some things can't be changed. I know that better than anyone. But I can start over from here. At least I hope I can. You have to believe that I _wanted_ one of those perfect reunions you dreamt of just as badly as you did. I've had my own dreams. Oh, _so_ many times. And I want nothing more than to make this up to you now."

"Sounds familiar," she murmured.

He nodded. "I keep making mistakes with this sort of thing, it seems."

"You don't trust me," she finally concluded. "That's the issue."

"Rose, I trust you with my life. And not just this one. Every single one of them."

"But not with your _hearts_. You've always been afraid of trusting me with your hearts. You were afraid to let me in for so long. And then even when you began you still resisted it…still held back. I thought we'd finally begun to move past it before. But now? Maybe we never really had." There was a long, weighted pause. "Do you even still want this?"

His eyes widened. "What?"

She shrugged and looked away. "Maybe you were really just lookin' for a way out from a relationship you never planned to let happen in the first place. 'Rose is alright. She's moved on, so I can, too.' Was that it?"

His voice was incredulous. "Why would I have even come here if I felt that way? Rose, you can't honestly believe that."

"I don't know what to believe!" she cried. "Because you don't tell me the truth."

"I've told you the truth tonight."

"And that suddenly makes everything alright?"

"No. No, but…I'd hoped it was a start."

She squeezed her hands into fists at her sides as a jumble of words tumbled out. "Do you know how badly I just want to _slap_ you right now?" He swallowed. "And how badly I want to drag you down to the floor and make love until neither of us can think or even breathe? How badly I want to pull you to me and never let go? Or shove you so hard you crash through the window?" Her body trembled with emotion. "I don't know _what_ to do!"

He took two tentative steps closer. "If…if it helps, I vote for options two and C."

She almost laughed, but it came out a sob as she clutched her arms to herself. "Life has never once been simple with you, has it?"

"No," he answered honestly. "And I'm sorry. I wish that I could just–"

"Oh, just shut up," she breathed out shakily. "Just…shhhh." Rose approached him with caution, a manner she once never would have associated with drawing close to him. She swallowed down with such force that she could feel every muscle in her throat contract with the effort. Her hands reached toward his face, hovered in the air, then settled on his skin with a tremor that passed between them both. Trembling fingertips mapped his face and traced his features as her disbelieving eyes drank him in. "You're _here_. You're really here," she whispered. "Oh my God, you're here."

Despite the emotions coursing through him, he fought to remain still and let her have this moment, to take from it whatever she needed. Her hands swept along his cheeks, his nose, his lips, his eyelids. When they reached his temples, however, she drew back with a shuddering intake of air.

He moved to bridge just a small gap in the space between them. "Rose…," he breathed out.

She closed her eyes and shook her head. "Don't. Just…don't. Not yet. Just let me…let me…I dunno. Just _think_. I need to think. I need to try to make sense of these past ten minutes. Of my whole bloody life."

"I'll give you as much time as you need."

Her eyes snapped open. "Is that supposed to sound generous? S'pose I should just be grateful that you're even still here."

"I deserved that," he responded quietly. "But I _mean_ it, Rose. I won't walk away."

"But you _would_ have," she answered back, anger equally fused with pain. "That's what always frightened me most about us. What still does – now more than ever. You would have left me _again_. If you thought it was best, you would have left me again. Just like Satellite Five. Just like Canary Wharf. _You_ make the decisions that _you_ decide are right for _my_ life."

He began to respond, to form a rebuttal, but found he couldn't. "I've only ever done what I thought was best," he finally replied.

"Exactly. What _you_ thought was best."

"But I didn't say my decisions were always right, despite my intentions," he added. "And I certainly acknowledge my mistake here. I was just…I was afraid, Rose. And sometimes that makes me do things I regret."

"And when does it end? You can regret it all you want afterwards, but that doesn't change it."

At that moment they were interrupted by the chirping of Rose's mobile. Numbly, she pulled it from her pocket, taking a second to gather a needed breath of air. A quick glance to see who was calling revealed it to be Torchwood.

"Tyler," she answered, forcing her voice into a professional tone. She listened carefully for several moments, growing concerned as a message was relayed to her. The Doctor noticed her expression, watching carefully. "When were they last seen?" she quickly asked. "And nothing else? Nothing more to go on this time?" She listened silently for a moment. "Well, that's a start. Alright. I'm on my way."

She rang off, hastily making for the door.

"What it is, Rose?" the Doctor asked, following on her heels.

"More disappearances," she replied succinctly. "And this time one of our own. Shaun Temple." She paused at the door and looked back at him. "And Donna, too."

"Donna?!" the Doctor repeated in alarm.

"She placed an urgent call to Torchwood. Apparently she and Shaun went into the forest and encountered whatever is out there. Now neither one can be reached. But they took a scan and transmitted the data, so we have that, at least. Torchwood's sending a car 'round. It's probably already here."

"Right. Let's go." The Doctor made to follow Rose out the door.

She turned back, forcing him to stop just short of crashing into her. "Just…stay here."

"Do _what_?" he spouted in surprise.

"We can handle this," she answered crisply.

He stared at her, eyes disbelieving. "Are you honestly telling me that you're letting personal feelings get in the way of focusing on what needs to be done here?"

"No," she responded hotly. "That's the very thing I'm trying to avoid."

"You said yourself that you needed my help with this," he fired back indignantly.

"That was before I realized I couldn't trust you," she answered, voice low.

He stared her down for several seconds. When he spoke, his voice was calm, measured and resolute. "I can either assist Torchwood or I can do this on my own. But I am _not_ going to sit here and do nothing while Donna is out there in danger. Her safety is my responsibility. She wouldn't even be here if it weren't for me."

Rose knew him well enough to realize he wasn't backing down on this, and they didn't have time to argue. "Fine," she bit out, turning to leave. "Just…don't get in my way."

"Wouldn't dream of it, Agent Tyler," he mumbled to her back.

The Doctor heaved a breath and followed Rose out the door. This night was on a downward spiral that seemed to have no end in sight.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N **The mission commences, but Rose's field partner might be her greatest foreseeable challenge.

* * *

**Chapter 12**

In tense silence, the Doctor and Rose hastily made their way to the garage below where a black Torchwood-issue SUV was waiting. The driver gave the Doctor a questioning look upon entering the vehicle, to which Rose briskly replied that he was with her and had clearance. She left it at that. Now was not the time to attempt to explain this seemingly new man. She wasn't sure she had her head wrapped around the story yet herself.

Few words were exchanged during the short ride en route to Torchwood. Instead, Rose stayed on the phone to receive active briefs on the situation. It kept her focus on the present issue and, to a small degree, off the man who had just turned her personal life on its head.

Upon arrival and entrance into the building, Rose swiftly made her way in the direction of the central briefing room, with the Doctor following suit. They rode the lift to an upper floor, tension thick and palpable due to the entire scope of the situation and encompassing range of emotions. Rose spared a glance at the Doctor. She could see anxiety exuding from him, visible in the tight set of his jaw and rigid stance. Major personal issues between them aside, his friend's welfare was currently in the balance. Despite her own inner turmoil, a part of her couldn't help but sympathize for him.

"We'll find her," she offered quietly, momentarily relegating the issue between them.

He cut his eyes to her and nodded once. He looked as if he was contemplating saying something more to maintain the break in stony silence, but about that moment the doors slid open.

They stepped out of the lift and made straight for the briefing room. Rose internally steeled herself. She didn't have time for complicated explanations nor was she in the frame of mind to give them, but she feared an onslaught of questions were inevitable once she appeared with the Doctor sans disguise.

The two crossed into the room. The utilitarian space was sparsely decorated, containing a conference table in the center, large screen on the far wall displaying various grids of data, and beside it, almost antiquated in contrast to the interactive video screen, a whiteboard for quickly diagramming and brainstorming ideas.

A dozen or so Torchwood personnel took minimal notice of the two joining them, with the exception of three. Pete, Mickey and Jake were already on hand, and they stared as if seeing an illusion the moment the Doctor made his entrance.

"Doctor…?" Pete Tyler uttered in clear disbelief.

Mickey stood from his seat, circled the table and came closer. "It is. It really is. It's really _you_."

"'Fraid so," the Doctor answered shortly.

"It's…a long story," Rose half explained. "But _he's_ the same Dr. Smith who's been here helpin' us."

Mickey shook his head in confusion, an expression Pete and Jake also shared as they stood and joined them over by the entry door. The rest in the briefing room remained talking amongst themselves, focused on the current issue and not this man of unrealized significance now in their midst.

"I don't understand," said Pete, utterly bewildered.

"Welcome to my life," muttered Rose.

He tore his eyes from the impossible man to look at Rose. Despite attempting to keep herself composed, it was clear she was awash in emotions – and not of the expected type. All three men sensed there was quite the story behind this, and whatever it was didn't seem to be sitting well with Rose.

"So _you're_ who Donna Noble spoke of in her message when she said to tell _'The Doctor,'_" Pete now realized, that small piece making sense.

"But…I don't get it," Mickey cut in. "You were different and now you're…not. Was it some sort of…regeneration that was reversed?" Mickey tried to piece this together, attempting to make sense of how he could appear as a different man and then revert back to this familiar form.

The Doctor cleared his throat as he shifted uncomfortably. "No. I…had temporarily altered the perception of my appearance. For personal reasons." He cut a glance at Rose. "Stupid reasons, in hindsight. But…there we are. There isn't, however, much time to go into all that right now."

"But how on Earth did you get here?" Jake voiced his own question. "How did you even get through? We've been attempting that very thing but haven't managed it."

"Oh, but you have, in a way," the Doctor explained. "The Dimension Cannon created a partial portal on this side, and I was able to open it all the way from the other. But that's also complicated to explain, and like I said, this isn't really the time."

"Right," said Pete, prioritizing but keeping a wary eye on the inexplicable Time Lord. "Back to the matter at hand. Addy? Fill them in on what we've just gone over." Before returning to the conference table, he shot a stern look at the Doctor and spoke in a low voice. "Just so you know, if we weren't in the middle of a situation I'd lock you away for debriefing right now."

The Doctor met the Director's gaze and nodded.

"You alright?" Mickey leaned in and asked Rose quietly.

"I have no idea," she responded, taking a seat. "Ask me again once I've actually had time to breathe."

The woman Pete had addressed as Addy stood at the video screen as everyone found a seat around the conference table. The Doctor did a double-take as the woman turned around to face them. "Parallel worlds," he murmured in wonder, as he looked on at the near-mirror image of Martha Jones. Or rather, her cousin Adeola, whose parallel had died in Torchwood Tower at the hands of the Cybermen.

The Doctor roused himself out of the past in order to focus. He balanced forward on the edge of his chair, pulled his glasses from his pocket and hastily slipped them on to get a better look at the screen.

Rose had trouble just tearing her eyes away from him. She had to fight down the ache in her chest at the familiar, lost sight and focus back on the present issue.

With a swipe of her hand, Addy scrolled the screen's image forward to that of a map as she began. "This time we have a better idea of the location we're looking for. Just before Shaun Temple and Donna Noble were taken, they were able to initialize a close-proximity scan which was remotely relayed to our systems, along with a location." She pointed to a red highlighted zone on the map. "They were within this area of the forest when the entity was encountered. That gives a starting point, at least." She then scrolled to the next image. "What you see here shows a brief but clear readout from the scan, depicting the energy pattern that was detected. It's the most detailed scan we've gotten, but the energy is still being analyzed for identification."

The Doctor sprang to his feet and moved closer to the screen. His eyes flicked over the data at rapid speed. Thanks to his recent re-calibrations of the equipment and its proximal use, there was now 2.4 seconds of clear, readable information before the scan had been disrupted. This finally gave him the information necessary to decipher the source.

"Well, at least you can stop calling it 'unidentified' energy," he declared, removing his glasses and turning back to face the others. "This is psychic energy. A mass concentration of pure psychic energy. And a very distinct form at that. In fact, this particular signature is highly refined and comes from only one race of beings that I'm aware of."

"Excuse me, but…_who_ is this?" Adeola questioned, tilting her head toward the rather intrusive new arrival.

"I'm the Doctor," he absently self-identified, as he turned back and continued reading over the data.

Murmurs filled the room. Few had known his face, but nearly everyone knew the title.

"Apparently it's a long story," Pete interjected to the group. "Right now let's just all stay focused." Pete then turned his attention back on the Doctor. "So you think you have a better idea of what we're facing, then, Doctor? And you can identify it?"

"I'm afraid so," the Doctor answered soberly. "This appears to be a being or beings known as the Prime Consciousness. They're an intellectual race who exist in the form of pure psychic energy."

"Like…the Nestene Consciousness?" Rose questioned, recalling her first ever encounter with the Doctor. There was something mockingly-ironic here. He had been a mystery to her then, and in a way she felt the same now.

"Similar in some ways, yes. In fact, some say the two were once the same, originating from the planet Polymos in the Mutter's Spiral Galaxy. But it's said that the Prime Consciousness were a sect that progressed to achieve superiority. Each individual being is a powerful entity of its own that need not exist in the form of one collective consciousness. Each singular entity still travels in much the same way as the Nestene, in hollow spheres known as Energy Units. But unlike the Nestene Consciousness, whose aim was always to takeover and conquer other worlds through an army of Autons, beings of the Prime Consciousness seek only to amass further knowledge through traveling the universe. Knowledge is their objective, their source of power and dominance. They don't feel they _need_ to takeover civilizations to continue growing in power. Doing so, in fact, is something they feel is beneath them, one of the ways they set themselves apart from the lesser Nestene. They view such a strategy as primitive. They don't even use weapons, in the traditional sense. If ever in a situation where they need to assert dominance, they do so by mental power alone."

"If that's true, then why would they…or _it_…be takin' people?" questioned Mickey. "If this thing isn't interested in takin' over the planet, then why take humans? Some sort of experimentation? Or maybe a rogue being who's broken from the Prime's superior 'code?'"

"Energy," the Doctor replied grimly. "They utilize psychic energy to power their own systems. The atmospheric penetration you detected last week was likely a crash of a cloaked Energy Unit. The beings are integrated with their ships on a neural level. Damage to the ship would mean the Consciousness would be weakened as well. With it and the ship symbiotically impaired, it would need to pull in additional energy from outside sources in order to repair and take flight. I'm guessing it remained dormant for the first few days, with a disruption field throwing off scans so it would remain obscured. And once it recouped enough to exert mental control, it started taking people as an energy source – converting brain wave energy into usable fuel."

"So the people of our planet are simply its Plan B for a power supply?" Pete concluded angrily.

"How many would it need?" Rose asked the dismal question.

"It hasn't left the planet yet, so I'm guessing it still needs more energy," came his foreboding answer. "As for how many more, it's difficult to say."

"If it's using the brainpower of the victims, then those it's taken must still be alive, correct?" Pete asked.

"It depends on your definition of 'alive,'" he replied darkly.

"Is there still a chance to save them?" Pete pressed.

"Possibly. I won't know for sure unless I'm able to get a look at the interface and the degree of neural integration of its victims."

"Why here? Why Earth?" Rose asked, in Agent Mode and trying to learn as much as possible about this adversary. "Are humans a more compatible source?"

"If its Energy Unit was failing then I assume it just had to aim for the nearest source of intelligence to find what it needed. Intelligence…," the Doctor mused, mulling the word over. A possible connection began to occur to him. "When did you say the disturbance was first detected?"

"Just over a week," Pete provided.

"And was there Cannon activity at the time?" he further questioned.

"Earlier that same day," Pete confirmed. "It was the second trial."

The Doctor scratched madly at his head as he turned a circle. "Of course! The Energy Unit was failing and the Consciousness needed a planet that housed intelligence in order to syphon psychic energy. The more advanced the minds, the better. And there was the Cannon, firing out across the universe like a beacon, showing the ingenuity you lot possessed."

"You're…you're saying the Dimension Cannon brought it here? Made this planet a target?" Rose asked in a troubled voice.

The Doctor's eyes met hers, and he could see the guilt forming – a look he himself was all-too familiar with. "You can't blame this on your efforts," he attempted to assure her.

"But you said it–"

He took a step toward her and spoke gently, eyes locked, as if they were momentarily the only two in the room. "Rose, you can't hide from progress in an attempt to remain unnoticed. If that were the case, the human race would never advance. You're not at fault for seeking progress. It's the only way to grow and learn."

Her eyes slid off to the side. "I've certainly learned a few things I never expected through this."

The Doctor flinched at the double meaning of the statement.

Pete's voice brought them back to the urgency of the moment.

"Alright. Our mission is to find the exact location of that ship, which means taking the scanners in close. Doctor, you said it's capable of using mental power as a form of control. We'll need a defense for that."

"Do you have any form of psychic dampers?" he ventured hopefully.

Pete's mind was already headed in that direction. "In the armory vault we have a form of cerebral shielding – small discs worn behind the ear that act as a block against mental assault. Would that do?"

"It'll have to. It likely wouldn't withstand the full brunt of what this being's capable of, but if the entity is still somewhat weakened then we might have just enough of an edge."

Pete stood up. "I want teams dispatched to the area we've pinpointed. It's still a wide zone, so we're going to have to spread ourselves thin. Two to a team. Constant communication. And I want the teams to stay together no matter what. Understood? If we lose contact with you out there, all you'll have to rely on is each other. No splitting up under any circumstances. The goal is to positively identify the exact location of this entity. Once that's done, we'll regroup and work on finding a way to infiltrate and get the Doctor to the neural interface to free the victims."

"This race is capable of being masters of deception. Even if it's just a single entity acting alone," the Doctor spoke back up. "That's likely why no one's seen the ship anywhere. It's no doubt disguised. Once you're out there, even if somewhat protected, nothing may be what it seems. You're going to have to use highly specialized scans to be certain you're even covering the correct ground. Now that I know exactly what we're dealing with, I can modify your scanning and tracking equipment further to make it a little less susceptible to the type of interference this is capable of producing, but it's not going to be foolproof. Finding the Consciousness if it doesn't want to be found will be extremely difficult."

"Can the TARDIS take us to it?" Mickey questioned.

The Doctor shook his head. "She's powered down right now to recover from the trip through the Void and isn't ready to be moved. This will have to be done by other means, I'm afraid. Now, are there any agents here who've received any type of mental training?"

"Aside from the shield technology, all field agents undergo a form of psychic training as an added defense in the event that they're faced with some form of mind control," Pete answered.

The Doctor nodded. "Good. Because that's exactly what we're dealing with here. Training and shields will help, but no one will be impervious. Stay alert at all times. Keep your thoughts focused and sharp. And if at any time you feel any sort of intrusion, fight against it with everything you've inwardly got." The teams nodded.

The Doctor turned to Rose, eyes automatically softening. "Rose, you've had more experience with…mental training than perhaps anyone else here, aside from me. When you're out there just…keep your thoughts guarded and locked up tight."

"Don't worry," she answered in a low tone, "I'm already doing that."

-:-:-:-

Three teams consisting of two each would enter the forest, while a fourth team would remain stationary on site and serve as a proximal communications base. The smaller the operation the less attention would be drawn.

As the teams were readying for the mission, Pete approached the Doctor and Rose. "I realize the two of you work best together. But if that's not the case right now then tell me, because we can't afford for personal issues to get in the way out there."

Rose felt supremely conflicted with the situation. On one hand, the Doctor was finally, miraculously _here_; and the last thing she wanted was to let him out of her sight even for a moment. But on the other hand, were they really in the condition to work in an objective and focused manner together, considering the circumstances?

"I'm perfectly capable of maintaining professionalism here," the Doctor asserted, eyes cutting to Rose.

"Insinuating I'm not?" Rose retorted.

Pete shook his head. "Right. Splitting you two up."

"No!" the Doctor broke in, utterly opposed to the idea. If Rose was going to be out there in the thick of danger, he wanted to be the one by her side. Truthfully, he just wanted to be the one by her side, danger notwithstanding. "I mean…there's no need to split anyone up. I'm sure we're both capable of maintaining professionalism."

Pete eyed them skeptically, but finally nodded in assent. "Don't make me regret this decision," he warned in parting.

"Just gotta grab my kit," Rose stated briskly, making minimal eye contact. "Be downstairs in five."

As Rose ducked out, Mickey brushed past on his way to suit-up as well. He stopped to eye the Doctor with a hard look.

"I'm not sure what you're playin' at here, arriving like you did with a different face and not lettin' on who you were. But if you do anything to hurt Rose, let's just say she won't be the only one _hurting_."

The Doctor drew himself up to full height, but still felt small. "Mickey, if you want to beat me to a pulp for my rubbish relationship skills, be my guest. But you're too late to be the first, because I've already done it to myself a few times over."

The corner of his mouth quirked in satisfaction. "Good. Now that we're clear on that, let's go kick some alien butt." He moved away but briefly turned back, giving the Doctor a heads-up. "And judging from some of the looks Rose has given you, that might soon include yours. So I'd try not to tick her off out there, if I were you."

-:-:-:-

The plan was in place, and the teams were soon ready to head out. The Doctor and Rose, Mickey and Jake, and Adeola and her partner Gareth comprised the ground teams, while Pete himself would accompany the communications unit.

As they all rendezvoused in the lower garage to load into vehicles, Rose quickly realized that the clashing with her Time Lord field partner was far from over. She was holstering her weapon after having just confirmed the setting. As she glanced up, the dark look the Doctor gave her might just as well have been an audible reprimand.

"It's not set to kill. It's set to cause temporary neural disruption," she preemptively stated as they began heading toward their designated SUV.

"Well, in that case it's perfectly harmless," he answered back with false levity. "Scramble someone's brain? Harmful? Naaah. As long as they're still breathing, no problemo."

Rose stopped and whirled back to face him. "Would you rather we all go out there with less protection?"

He shoved his hands in his pockets and gazed down. "I'd rather you weren't in danger at all," he answered quietly.

"I can take care of myself, Doctor. Been doin' it for years now."

His eyes lifted. He stared at her until it became almost unbearable.

"What?" she finally questioned, as teams ahead of them loaded into a vehicle.

"I just want you safe," came his impassioned response.

She sighed heavily. "You want to wrap me in cotton wool. Same as always."

"Alright, you two," Mickey called out after he and Jake had boarded the front seats of their SUV. "No time for a domestic row. Let's move."

"He's right," Rose agreed as she moved to climb in. "We don't have time for this. So for now just shelve it." She threw him a glance over her shoulder. "And technically I have field seniority over you, so that's an _order_."

The Doctor's left eyebrow arched high. "An order? Someone's gotten domineering," he muttered as he slid into the rear seat. His eyes met hers, and she had to break away from the intensity found there.

Jake glanced back at the two of them, smirking. "Better get used to it, mate."

Rose turned her face toward the window as they pulled out of the garage and into the dark street. She closed her eyes and drew in a long, deep breath. A night spent alone in a forest with the Doctor... Under any other circumstances it might've had the makings of an alluring fantasy. As it stood, she just hoped she could maintain enough professional focus to make it out of this alive.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N **The Doctor and Rose finally get some alone time, unusual as it may be. Meanwhile the situation is about to get riskier.

* * *

**Chapter 13**

Two Torchwood vehicles, consisting of three ground teams and a communications unit, drove northeast out of London, heading for the forest area of Norfolk. They made good time, as traffic was sparse, the late-night hour now approaching midnight.

They continued along the northeastern route, and as they neared the outskirts of the expansive woodland area, the car Donna had been driving was spotted off the side of the road, sitting empty. Due to the urgent phone call she had placed, they knew she had not been at this location at the time, but instead was with Shaun along an access road within the forest when the entity was encountered. A quick check of the car revealed nothing amiss. They could only assume the two had taken separate vehicles but joined up here, leaving this one behind.

"Why would Donna do this? Why would she even come out here?" the Doctor murmured out loud as the others turned from inspecting the empty car and headed back to their vehicles.

Rose half-shrugged as she stood beside him, her voice neutral even if her emotions were not. "S'pose she was just doing what you taught her," _and me, _she silently finished. "To have the courage to stand up and take action."

The Doctor looked at Rose, disbelieving she'd said something somewhat positive toward him under the circumstances, and likewise disbelieving that he'd influenced Donna in such a way. "Well, I never taught her to go stumbling in without thinking a situation through."

Rose's eyebrows lifted of their own accord. His own thoughts immediately went in the same direction, recalling his recent actions. He rubbed uncomfortably at the nape of his neck as he followed Rose to climb back in the SUV, deciding it best for now if he quit talking.

The teams drove on, stopped briefly to move aside the barricade at the entry road, and then continued forward along the route that would carry them deep into the forest itself.

The recent close-proximity scan had been able to reduce the size of the area in question to a radius of approximately five miles. They knew where Donna and Shaun had been when the entity had been encountered, and the scan had also picked up a residual energy trail spanning back a couple of miles. The trail faded and dispersed with distance and the origins were not specific, but this at least gave them a general search zone.

The Doctor monitored the navigation system of the lead vehicle in which he rode, ensuring that they remained on the right course. A few hundred meters into the forest, he detected fluctuations in the equipment, to which he recalibrated to maintain accuracy. There was definitely a disruption field active somewhere within the area.

Once they reached the place where Donna and Shaun had been taken, the two vehicles pulled over, everyone on high alert. The forest's roadways did not extend into the thick wooded zone in which they would be searching, so the ground teams would have to go out on foot from here. It was decided that the three teams, consisting of two people each, would fan out from the southern segment of the zone, covering north, east and west, respectively.

Pete Tyler had accompanied the communications unit, and he and the two comm-officers readied the relay equipment within vehicle two. The scanners which the Doctor had enhanced were activated, as were the psychic dampers worn by each member of the teams, with the exception of the Doctor. The technology was only compatible with the human brain. His own mental shields, however, were a superior defense, and he likely would be the least susceptible to any form of mental attack.

As everyone exited the vehicles, gear checked and ready, Pete gave the teams their final instructions. "Alright, everyone. You know the mission. The scanners are set to a close range to give the clearest and most accurate reading. So if you detect anything in your zone, it's vital that you relay the information to your fellow teams immediately so they'll know to converge on your area. Apart from that, I want you to check in here with communications base and with each other every fifteen minutes. Understood?" The teams nodded. "Good. Stay alert and stay safe." He looked at Rose and smiled briefly. She returned the gesture with a reassuring nod.

Each team checked the immediate area with their scanners as the Doctor did the same with the sonic, confirming no current activity, before heading out in their designated directions.

Standing at the edge of the dark forest, Rose turned to her Time Lord partner, giving him a searching glance as she switched on the florescent light of her torch. "Ready?"

"Always," he answered assuredly. "The old team – Hope and Glory, Mutt and Jeff…" He stopped short and winced, recalling the last time he'd assigned the titles. It hadn't exactly been the best of circumstances that day, either.

"Right," Rose responded dubiously.

They left the clearing afforded by the road and disappeared into the heavily wooded forest, the light of her torch and the Doctor's blue sonic beam leading the way.

-:-:-:-

The Doctor and Rose's eastward trek began in silence, both quietly keeping a watchful eye on their respective scans. The silence was a rarity considering the Doctor's gob, but considering the reason for the tense silence, it was not a surprise. Rose did her level best to maintain full focus on this mission, but it was a challenge due to the man who was currently beside her and the issue that was currently between them – two matters that were _both_ still difficult for her to fathom. Maybe Pete had been right and they should have been split up rather than paired side-by-side.

But in truth, her mind would have been keenly preoccupied even if the Doctor wasn't the one out here with her. Just knowing he was _actually_ here in _this_ universe was a surreal realization that consumed a large portion of her thoughts. And being apart would have undoubtedly caused her to fixate on him all the more, wondering if he was safe, or perhaps wondering if it had all been some bizarre dream and he would vanish once out of her sight. Her heart was still in turmoil over his actions, but she wasn't ready or willing to be apart from him just yet, either. So, she was going to have to work with him in this situation as best she could.

The warm August night was misty and overcast, the moon shrouded by thick, dark clouds that threatened rain. Yet even in the inky darkness, she was able to make out the Doctor stealing glances at her on more than one occasion. This, coupled with the uncharacteristic silence, told her she wasn't the only one with more than this mission presently on the mind.

One of the things she'd said to the Doctor earlier that night kept repeating in her thoughts, and she wondered if it was running through his mind right now as well. She'd told him this was _not_ the reunion she had ever pictured. There was supposed to be tears of joy, hugs of elation, and unbridled passion as love was re-confirmed and re-ignited. And she _wanted_ that. Oh, how she wanted that. But the issue of distrust between them was acting as a divide, almost as much as the walls between universes had.

And she hated it. She hated the distrust and the hurt. But the root issues here couldn't simply be ignored in favor of a joyous, emotional reunion. This needed to be dealt with, one way or another. The Doctor had believed that she had moved on from him, and that hurt. But in all fairness, he _had_ found evidence that had said so. Yet it was the way he'd dealt with it that still left her reeling. If he'd found it to be true, he would have silently slipped away, taking with him _her_ right to determine her own future with him. Bloody typical. She had accused him of not trusting her, citing incidents of hesitancy throughout the development of their relationship. But maybe the issue had always been that he didn't trust himself. Either way, _she_ was now finding it difficult to trust him. They seemed to be at an impasse.

It didn't help that their relationship had still been in its infancy when they had been separated, and they'd still had much growth to achieve. And now it was as if they'd taken a gigantic leap back. She wasn't quite sure where to go from here, but it had to be resolved if they were going to pick back up and somehow move forward. And it absolutely had to be resolved if she was going to drop _everything_ else in her life and go with him again. No matter how much Rose wanted, needed, and loved him, these issues could not be ignored. He had to learn to be open with her in matters concerning them, and he had to stop making her own decisions.

It wasn't as if she'd expected that a relationship with a man who had nearly a thousand years of scars and skeletons and hang-ups to be easy. It never had. The first time they made love following an unplanned wedding, his subsequent reaction had been to apologize; at the start of their would-be honeymoon, he'd avoided intimacy like a rash; and through it all he'd only been able to voice those three words to her once. Nevertheless, they'd finally made it to a _good_ place just before it had all been torn apart. Not perfect, but good. Exceedingly good, and blossoming each day.

The question now was, could they find their way back to that place again? Was the Doctor truly willing to try? Not just _say_ he would attempt to change his ways in this relationship, but actually make an effort to do so?

One thing was certain as the silent steps progressed. Silence wasn't going to get them anywhere.

The persistent quiet was soon broken by the sound of Team One, and subsequently Team Two, making the first check-ins. The Doctor and Rose paused to listen to the brief reports. All was thus far uneventful, with nothing to note as of yet. Rose relayed the same. She pocketed her radio and began walking again.

As if unable to stand going back to the uncomfortable silence, it was the Doctor who finally spoke up, clearing his throat as he threw her a shadowed glance. "Sometimes no news is good news, as humans are fond of saying. But I was hoping someone would have detected a fresh reading by now."

"You don't think the equipment is being altered again, do you?" she questioned, following his same path of keeping to the subject of the mission.

The Doctor double checked the readings from the sonic screwdriver and shook his head. "Not our equipment, at least. I would have picked up a slight wave variance just before it occurred if that were the case."

Rose shoved a low-hanging branch out of her way as they trudged ahead in the darkness. "Well, I suppose we're just not close enough yet. Nothing to do but keep moving forward."

Now there was an ironic statement.

-:-:-:-

Agents Adeola Oshodi and Gareth Evens were designated as Team One, currently following a westward direction through the forest. Despite current rumors of 'fraternization' between the two young field operatives, they were two of Torchwood's finest and worked seamlessly together. Sometimes familiarity with a partner helped take the edge off in dangerous situations.

"Skulking aliens aside, there's just something creepy about being in a forest at night," Addy noted as she and her partner continued through the dark, wooded landscape, their figures tiny beneath the towering pines.

"You're not half-kidding," Gareth replied, feeling an eerie shiver. He then paused, turning to her with a cheeky glance. "Want me to hold your hand?"

The young woman smirked, but then schooled her features and put on a tone of mock-sternness. "Time and place, remember?"

He grinned and opened his mouth to give a come-back, when a flicker of light in the murky distance suddenly caught their attention. It could have been distant lightning, but they weren't taking any chances. Both agents went immediately for their scanners, but the readout began failing. The silvery glow through the trees grew closer, but scans now registered nothing there. The Doctor had done what he could to bolster the equipment, but the entity was now even more powerful since taking the two additional victims earlier in the evening.

"We retreat and call for backup," Addy stated urgently, already taking backward steps.

Gareth quickly nodded. "Agreed."

They turned and made a backtracking sprint, precariously navigating the rough terrain as both went for their radios. They found that these, however, had also stopped functioning. Both threw a glance over their shoulders and realized they were not going to be able to outrun the threatening force which was soon to overtake them. Reaching a silent agreement, they stopped and turned to face their pursuer head-on.

As the ominous presence advanced, they held their ground. The two agents pulled their weapons, aimed and fired at the advancing luminous cloud, but the neural disruption waves had no obvious effect on this powerful being of psychic energy.

Despite the futile effort, they fired again and again until their psychic dampening devices were overcome and resistance was lost. The sentient cloud enveloped them, then receded in a trail of shimmering mist. In a controlled trance, the two agents followed after the vaporous energy.

The being now had the final supplemental energy sources that were needed. In a few hours' time, its Energy Unit would be fully restored and ready for departure, fueled by those whose minds were now at its mercy.

-:-:-:-

Rose and the Doctor continued on in relative silence, the only sound that of an occasional clap of thunder rumbling in the distance, and the crunching of twigs and leaves as their feet trudged through the underbrush. Rose knew their own issue was not the only thing weighing on the Doctor's mind and silencing his voice. As time ticked by without encouraging developments, his concern was no doubt mounting in regards to Donna Noble.

Rose wished she'd had the opportunity to know this woman better. So often she had wondered if the Doctor had found someone else. Not in terms of love. She knew how exceedingly difficult it had been for him to open himself to a relationship with her, and Rose had doubted he would ever allow himself to open his hearts again – at least anytime within the next few centuries. She had hoped that he would have found a friend, though. A companion. Someone to keep the emptiness of the TARDIS from engulfing his soul. Now she knew that he had. She couldn't help but want to know more about this woman who had been a part of his life in her absence.

If they were ever going to talk, she finally decided this unconventional 'alone time' was as good a moment as any to begin. Rose began with one of the more basic questions. Maybe in time they would both be ready to dive deeper.

"So…," she finally initiated. "How long have you known Donna?"

The Doctor cut his gaze to her, surprised that she had ventured into discussing something with him that didn't directly pertain to this mission. A glimmer of hope flickered inside him. Maybe Agent Tyler was beginning to soften. She was initiating a conversation with him, at least. It was a start.

He cleared his throat due to sheer disuse – something this particular throat wasn't used to for long stretches. "Well, I suppose that depends. How long I've known her and how long we've traveled together vary just a bit. We first crossed paths right after…well, right after you and I had... Anyway, she ended up onboard the TARDIS, smack in the console room just minutes before her wedding, pulled in by the attraction composition of huon particles that she'd been doused with." Rose threw him a quizzical glance. "It's...a long story involving the Racnoss and the draining of the Thames. But long story short, at the end of it I…well, I offered to let her travel with me. Just…just to have someone there. Just to–"

"You don't have to explain it," Rose cut in softly. "I understand that bit. I needed friends, too. Would've gone spare some days without 'em."

He nodded, holding a gnarled branch out of their way as they ducked beneath and continued forward. "But she turned me down."

"So you asked her again?"

He shook his head and spoke quietly. "I've only done that once." Their eyes found each other in the darkness for a brief but intense moment. "No, she found me about a year later…more or less. Changed her mind and tracked me down. We've been traveling together for close to a year now. You'd like her," he added. "She kept me in my place most of the time, stopped me when I needed it. Slapped me on occasion," he admitted with a sheepish smile.

"Mum would _love_ her," Rose noted with a smirk. "So…it's been about two years for you, then?" she surmised, doing the math from the account he'd given.

She didn't need to see his expression to decipher his pensive state. It was detectable in his tone when he finally replied. "Closer to three, actually. But one year was…as if it had never been. For most everyone, that is." His lungs released a heavy breath. "But that's an even longer story for perhaps another time. I'll say this, though: it was the one time I was _glad_ you weren't with me."

Rose almost shivered from the darkness in his voice. Whatever he'd been through in that lost year, it obviously wasn't pleasant.

"Is that when you were with Martha?" she put forth, recalling the name he had given of another companion.

"Yes, she was there, too," he replied, voice thick. "Helped save the world, Martha Jones. She was brilliant. Is brilliant. _Dr_. Martha Jones, now. We first met when the Royal Hope Hospital took a short trek to the Moon."

"'Course you did," Rose replied, lips twitching upward. The incident sounded like just another typical day for the Doctor. A day she'd missed, Rose realized sadly. She'd missed so much. They both had. Though potentially, they could have missed far more.

"Martha didn't want to stay though, in the end," he went on. "Well, she had never planned for it to be permanent. But she had a rough go of it. And…that was partly my fault," he admitted. "Plus I think she felt like she was living in your shadow while she was with me."

Rose stopped briefly and turned to him, torch illuminating his features, casting them in angular shadows. "You told her about me?"

His reply was automatic. "Of course I did. I couldn't _not_ talk about you, Rose. I think that was part of the problem. But Martha didn't know that we were…well…. Um, actually, Donna didn't know the details either until just recently, when I told her about…well, about…"

"Us?"

"Yeah," he answered hoarsely. "It wasn't that I didn't want anyone to know. But talking about it just…hurt."

"I know," she answered quietly, then let out a shaky sigh. "Oh, I know."

He almost reached for her then, the urge strong and instinctive, fingers burning to reclaim a trace of physical connection. Or more than just a trace. More would be good. More would be fantastic. More would be at the top of the list of all things brilliant. If he ever regained the right, he would never take it for granted. Might even get overzealous about it – in public and in private and at every opportunity.

The Doctor managed to regain his composure. "And it's been three years for you?" he questioned, eyes holding hers.

She nodded. "Seems longer."

"I know the feeling."

Rose drew a deep, bracing breath of earthen air. Despite the unresolved hurt and frustration, she wanted him to know this. "But even though I tried to have a life here as best I could, I _never_ shared myself with anyone the way I did with you. There was no one else. Not once. I didn't want there to ever be anyone else," she reaffirmed.

"I know that now," he answered emotionally. "And I'm so sorry I doubted it, Rose."

The Doctor felt a sudden wave of guilt wash over him. Not only for initially thinking that she had moved on to another relationship, but also in knowing that while Rose had not been personally involved with another in his absence, the same could not strictly be said for him.

Martha and Donna had never been anything more than close friends. But there was one who had been more, brief and muddled as it was. The innocent face of Nurse Joan Redfern momentarily flickered in his memory. Just how should he drop _that_ bit of info on Rose? He still had yet another significant secret buried deep within – dark, reprehensible things done in desperation that scarred Time and left a mark on his soul. Considering that alone, plus the tenuous relationship between them at the moment, he wasn't sure just when or how to slip in this _other_ bit of news on top of everything else.

The Doctor did what came naturally to him when faced with a topic he wasn't ready to discuss. He artfully avoided it for now. "If I'm accurate, and I'm typically precise, it's been fifteen minutes and forty-three seconds since the last check-in. We should be hearing from the others by now."

Rose aimed the beam of her torch at her watch. "Team One should have radioed first."

She took out her radio to make contact. "This is Team Three. Team One, what is your current status?" There was silence on the other end. "I repeat: Team One, what is your status?" There was no reply. Her heart dropped. Rose immediately radioed Mickey and Jake. "Team Two, this is Team Three. What is your current status?" There was a tense pause of silence, then a rush of relief as a reply came through.

"_This is Team Two,"_ came Mickey's voice. _"We're still continuing in a northward direction with nothing to report. But Team One is late initiating check-in. Have you heard from them?"_

"Negative. I just tried to contact them, but there was no response."

"_Understood. I'm gonna contact the communications unit and see how they want us to proceed."_

"Agreed," said Rose, lowering her radio to await further word.

The Doctor reached toward the radio and briefly turned down the volume. "Pete's going to pull the remaining teams from the mission," he surmised.

"Probably," she agreed, her concern over the situation increasing. "We've lost a team. Be it a communications issue or something worse, we need to re-group and re-strategize."

"And then what will be done?"

"Additional personnel will be gathered and sent in. And quickly," Rose replied, drawing on her knowledge of Torchwood protocol. "Standard procedure in a case like this is to send in small, inconspicuous recognizance teams initially to lessen the size of potential confrontation and have the element of surprise in our favor. If that fails or the teams have been jeopardized, Torchwood sends in all they've got. No choice."

"Greater force isn't going to help in this situation," he argued. "In fact, it might make things worse and force desperate action."

"That's not my call," she deflected.

The Doctor's voice grew tight. "So a flawed plan has to be followed without question simply for the purpose of maintaining 'standard procedure?'"

"You don't know for certain it's flawed," she refuted. "And right now we don't have any other option."

He cocked a defiant brow. "Try me."

She crossed her arms. "Alright then. Let's hear it. If a team has been taken despite the enhancements to their equipment and the psychic dampers, I'd like to know how you think we could do any better on our own."

"I was only able to re-calibrate their equipment once before they set out. But with the sonic, I can make constant re-calibrations for us as needed as we move close to a reading. And even without scanners as a guide for detecting the entity, we now know to head west to cover the lost team's path. As for mental shields, mine are far superior. The mental training you've had gives you an advantage as well," he added quietly, referring to their bond.

Rose weighed his argument. "Let's just…first wait to see what word we receive," she finally answered. Rose switched the volume back up on her radio as it flashed an incoming transmission from the communications unit.

"_The mission has been compromised, with one team unaccounted for,"_ came the voice of Pete Tyler. _"Until you receive further orders, all teams are to immediately withdr–"_

"Sorry, Pete!" the Doctor interrupted, grabbing the radio. "Having trouble catching that. We'll chat again in a bit, though. Okay? Bye!"

Any further response was cut short as a beam from the sonic aimed at the radio silenced the transmission.

"Doctor!" Rose cried. "Now we have no means of communication!"

"It's not broken. Only muted. You can't be responsible for disobeying orders you never fully received, right?"

"Since when do you even care about disobeying orders or not?" she asked incredulously.

He shrugged. "I don't. But you might. This way, you're not at fault."

Rose perched a hand on her hip. "And you just assume that I'm gonna ignore what I _know_ we were about to be told and instead go along with this daft solo plan you're concocting?"

He paused. "You're right. I shouldn't assume. And I haven't. In fact, I'd much rather see you retreat back to safety. Then I'll proceed myself, hopefully before all of Torchwood storms in and botches everything."

Her voice rose. "So you think I'm just gonna sit back and let you go ahead alone?"

He sighed. "No, I don't think you will. Which is why I've given you an 'out' in regards to following orders. If you insist on continuing ahead with me, technically you're not disregarding orders by doing so."

Rose briefly squeezed her eyes shut. "Oh, I'm disregarding orders, and we _all_ know that."

The Doctor lifted a brow. "So you've decided you _will_, hmm?"

She exhaled exasperatedly. He had her and he knew it, the git. "Looks like I am. We both know we're safer doing this together."

"Exactly," he agreed, flashing a smile that made her stomach do a little flip, in spite of herself. He held out his hand to her. "Allons-y?"

Rose gazed at his outstretched hand. There was a time when grasping it would have seemed as automatic as drawing a breath. And in the context of being recently reunited, she would have imagined she'd have latched on and never let go. Things never were simple for them though, were they?

She hesitated and he noticed, interpreting her hesitation as a refusal. He turned to continue on, tone falling flat as he shoved his empty hand deep in his pocket. "Right, then. Let's finish this."


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N **The Doctor and Rose journey ahead on their own, but soon face another unexpected obstacle.

* * *

**Chapter 14**

Pete Tyler was not a happy man.

"That idiot!" he bellowed over the radio. "That bloody alien idiot! And for Rose to just go along with this! She _knows_ better than that. They're _both_ idiots! I should have gone with my instinct to split them up." He took a minute to calm himself before speaking into the radio again. "Team Two, have you heard anything more from them whatsoever?"

"_Negative," _Jake Simmonds answered.

"How close are you and Mickey to making it back?" Pete questioned.

"_Nearly there,"_ Jake confirmed. _"The road is within sight up ahead."_

"Good. When you get here, everyone is to _stay put_ until reinforcements arrive. That's an implicit order."

"_Understood."_

In little time, Torchwood converged on the area with additional personnel who had been on standby. The prior plan of proceeding quietly and inconspicuously was now shelved in favor of quick and efficient. Half a dozen specialized ATVs were brought in to the scene, fitted with navigational equipment, as well as energy flux scanners to detect lifeforms.

They were soon underway, plowing through the wooded terrain. All mobilized ground teams spanned out in a westward direction, the zone where Team One had gone missing and the area now presumed to be the location of the entity. This time they had an advantage, the zone narrowed to one single, clear direction.

Or so they thought. All navigational instruments indicated that they were on the right course. What no one realized was that along with tampered readings, the terrain which passed was being altered by shifting visual illusions, masking the fact that they were covering familiar ground. It was subtle, but enough to throw them off course. The psychic being was holding them at bay, which meant those who had been taken, along with Rose and the Doctor who were still somewhere out there, were on their own.

-:-:-:-

The Doctor and Rose continued further into the thick, black forest, moving as swiftly as the rough, uneven ground permitted. The night air was growing increasingly muggy as distant thunder drew closer. Rain was not far off. Rose loathed the thought. The last thing this mission needed was another impediment.

"Are we still headed west?" she questioned the Doctor. The only thing they had to rely on for direction on this dark and cloudy night was their equipment, but known disruptions had already taken place out here, and she didn't trust the reading's accuracy.

"Yes," the Doctor confirmed, the whir of the sonic once again buzzing to life. "But the directional readings have begun to fluctuate increasingly the deeper we go. If I wasn't staying on top of the modifications to keep it in check, we'd no doubt have been thrown off course by now." He looked over at Rose, trying to assess her current state in the dark. It was late, the trek was strenuous, and she'd already been through a trying day – the latter of which he felt another stab of guilt over. His questioning voice was gentle. "Are you doing alright, Rose?"

"I'm fine," she asserted, sparing him a glance. "Takes more than a middle-of-the-night walk in the woods to wear me down. I've been through worse. Much worse."

He momentarily stopped and turned to her, eyes deep and contrite. He'd never meant for her life to take this arduous path she'd had to carve on her own; never meant for her to be trapped here; never meant to lose her. The Doctor internally stopped himself before the list of regrets became too long, and offered simply, "I'm sorry. I can imagine how difficult it's been here for you."

Rose drew in a long breath as some of the struggles she'd faced in this world played in her memory. "I s'pose it wasn't easy for either of us," she finally concluded. "But the experiences I've had here are a part of who I am now."

He gave a contemplative hum, eyes studying her shadowed face. "You've changed. Everyone does, of course. Time changes people and places and anything that stands in its path. But there are differences to who you are now that I might not have noticed as keenly if I'd been there through the process."

Rose wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer to this question, but it was an important one to her – one she had entertained many times in his absence, imagining what he might think of her life and the woman she had become. "And what do you see now…when you look at me?" she inquired, voice subtly hesitant and unsure. She was the one who'd wanted honesty from him. Might as well start here.

His eyes were intense and penetrating, even in the engulfing darkness. "You're older, not so much in appearance but in spirit. You've grown fully into the woman you've always had the potential to be. You were always self-assured, but now even more so, because you've had to be self-reliant. You were always strong, but now you're so much more aware of that strength. It gives you an added air of…not cockiness but confidence. And that's…"

She swallowed. "Yeah…?"

"Brilliant," he breathed. "That's brilliant. _You're_ brilliant. Always have been. Always will be."

She held his gaze for a moment before having to break it. What he saw was here and now, but he hadn't seen everything in between. "Sometimes," Rose admitted, a bit reluctant but sick of things being hidden, "not all the time, mind…but sometimes it's hard to remember exactly who I was before. I feel so much…harder some days. The things I've seen, the work I've done, the decisions I've had to make – it's changed me."

"But you're still you," he insisted, voice impassioned. "That compassion, that drive to take what's wrong and make it right is exactly where it's always been – inside of you." She could hear the vulnerability in his voice as he spoke his next words. "I'm still the same person too, Rose. How I feel hasn't changed."

A piece of that protective wall around her heart fell, and she was that little bit more receptive to his words. "I know," she answered back quietly. "But some things _do_ need to change. There's still so much we need to talk about when this is over."

The Doctor wordlessly nodded. He knew she was right, even if the thing that needed to be done was the thing he tended to avoid most.

They continued moving, both absorbed in thought. Her next step faltered and breath hitched as Rose felt a sudden, unexpected probing sensation in her mind. It had been so long since she'd felt a presence there – not since losing the Doctor. She couldn't stop the soft gasp, which he immediately noticed.

"Rose? What is it?"

"Did you just…touch me?" His eyes flicked down to their empty, un-joined hands. "In my mind, I mean? Did you…touch my mind?"

He opened his mouth, hesitated, but then spoke with bare honesty. "I wish I could say yes. Because it's taken all my restraint _not_ to ever since I laid eyes on you again," he admitted, momentarily catching her by surprise by the open statement. His countenance then darkened. "But it wasn't me. You felt something in your mind?"

She nodded. "Yeah. It was faint. But it was definitely there. Sort of like a subtle probing sensation."

The Doctor focused all of his concentration inward for a few seconds. "There _is_ something there," he recognized. "I feel it, too. It's barely even detectible because it can't get past even the first layer of my mental barriers."

"It's the Consciousness, isn't it?"

He nodded warily. "Yes."

Her hand reached up to tap the small psychic dampening device behind her left ear. "Is this still working?"

"Let me see," he spoke softly. The Doctor moved closer. So close, in fact, that any semblance of her personal space evaporated. She could smell the achingly familiar hint of wool and spice as he leaned in, and though his temperature was always slightly cooler, she could nevertheless feel the heat radiating from his body, so close to hers. His fingers lifted to the side of her neck and softly swept aside her hair. She involuntarily shivered as the pads of his fingertips contacted her skin in the barest of touches, skimming behind her ear and causing her skin to tingle.

If not for the cloak of darkness, a hearty flush would have been visible upon her cheeks. In that moment, it would have been so easy to give in to the physical desires stirring to life. But that didn't always solve their issues, as they had learned their very first time.

She barely registered the sound of the buzzing sonic amid the rushing in her ears. He then moved back a trace, eyes finding hers.

He cleared his throat, but his voice still sounded husky and affected. "It's still working. But I don't think it will be enough." He paused for a beat, eyes now studying her. "Rose, do you trust me?"

She paused. "I…"

The hurt was evident in his eyes at her hesitation, but he went on to explain. "I need to strengthen your mental barriers. Yours are already stronger than most, and I could teach you to enhance them further, but that would take time. We need to do this quickly. Is that alright?"

Rose nodded, trying to take personal feelings out of the equation. She might not have felt ready to fully offer her mind up to him just yet, but that wasn't what this was about. At her nod of approval, the Doctor again moved closer. He lifted his fingers to her temples and let them settle there as his eyes fell shut. Both let out a small gasp at the contact. It had been so long, and the absence of this touch, this closeness, this intimacy had been a literal ache for them both.

Rose sensed his affected state and could even feel his fingers trembling slightly, a tremor she felt rippling through her own veins as his mind nudged the periphery of hers. This was always one of the most intimate of experiences, and now was no different, even if it was just a trace of their former connection.

As for the Doctor, it was a battle to simply maintain his concentration. A difficult task, considering he found himself flooded by all things Rose, even though just on the outskirts. She felt _amazing_ – her intoxicating vibrancy that breathed life into his bones and lit a fire in his marrow. The golden touch of her mind to his was indescribable. He wanted to immerse himself in her essence and her glorious, potent emotions that were right there, _so close_ to overtaking him. But he had to stay focused. And he would not take advantage of this connection. He would not connect deeper until Rose allowed it. He clung to the hope that she _would_ allow this again. But even if she had been ready here and now, there were still shrouded issues in his past that needed to be faced before he could even think about connecting with her fully again.

For now, he focused on the purpose of this task. He quickly sought out her mental shields, and augmented them with additional blocks and barricades, driven by the fierce desire to keep her protected, keep her mind sheltered – this place that only he had ever been allowed entry and union.

With a shuddering exhale, he removed his fingers and broke the connection. Their eyes opened and met. Rose drew a few uneven breaths, and he took an unsteady step back.

"There," he spoke in a slightly shaky voice. "That should help. It won't stop the Consciousness from presenting outside illusions, but it shouldn't be able to get inside your head and control you."

Rose nodded, not quite trusting her voice.

He took another steadying breath, eyes skipping ahead toward the dark expanse before them. "We must be getting closer."

Still trying to regain her focus, Rose shone her torch down to her scanner. "It's still not detecting anything"

The Doctor flicked on the sonic. He swore under his breath. "The calibrations have been altered again. I let myself get…distracted."

"Oh?" she couldn't help but respond, voice as casual as she could manage.

His eyes snapped up to lock with hers, his own glittering but dark. "As if you didn't notice…" He schooled himself and focused back on the scans. The Doctor reconfigured the calibrations with the sonic, and was then able to get a more accurate reading. "This isn't right," he observed.

Her brow furrowed with concern. "Are we still headed in the right direction?"

"Yes, but probably not for long if we had kept going." He shone the beam of the sonic up ahead. "What do you see beyond us if we continued straight?"

She shone her own torch forward. "Well, _trees_." She peered intently, trying to make out the terrain in the dark, occasionally lit by flashes of lightning. "And then...it looks like a steep rocky cliff just a little ways beyond. We'll have to go around it."

"And that's exactly what it wants us to do. But if the readings I'm getting are correct, I suspect that the cliff ahead isn't what it appears to be." The Doctor crouched down to the forest floor and unearthed a small stone from the ground, then stood. "Watch this, and then tell me again what you see…" He flung the stone about twenty feet in front of them. It seemed to hit an invisible obstruction, creating electrical ripples out from the impact point, like waves undulating through the air.

Rose lifted her eyebrows, her brain going into rapid analytical mode. "What was that? A type of force field? Or was that just an illusion, too?"

"Both," he replied, walking toward the curious phenomenon. The Doctor waved the sonic screwdriver up and down as Rose moved to stand alongside him. After thoroughly scanning the area, he confirmed the results. "It is a type of force field that's isolating what lies beyond, but it's also emitting a visual projection, masking what's really behind it."

"Which is…?"

"Let's find out, shall we?" He ran the sonic screwdriver in a circular pattern about three feet in diameter, creating a sort of window as the visual projection was temporarily deactivated within that select circumference. They both peered through to the landscape beyond. The sight revealed the continuation of the forest, minus the steep cliff that had appeared previously.

Rose wrinkled her forehead in utter puzzlement at the sight. "It's hard to know what's even real anymore. Is what we're seeing on _this_ side or _that_ side the illusion?"

"What we're seeing through this portal where I disrupted the illusional field is the real terrain. And I'm guessing we're now extremely close to the ship to be encountering this. It's the final line of cloaking precautions. But this isn't just emitting an illusion. It's also a type of force field, like you said. The illusion is to divert anyone away from the force field itself."

Realizing how near they were to its domain, Rose couldn't shake off an eerie feeling encroaching upon her. "You'd think we would have encountered this creature by now if we're this close. I know we felt it probe our minds, but…it didn't seem to give much of an effort to take us over. Even now, there's nothing rushing out to confront us. Why?"

The Doctor's voice was grim. "Because it doesn't have to. With the latest victims, I'm afraid it might have what it needs now. Most of its focus now would be on storing up vital energy, not expending it. If it can keep us away with this force field alone then that's all it needs to achieve. But still…it was seeking information when it tried to probe our minds. Which means it might not be done putting up illusions to divert us."

"So what do we do now?"

"We need to deactivate this field if we're going to get past it."

"Can you just make a bigger window?"

"It will take more power to deactivate the force field itself than it did to disrupt the illusion. We're going to have to create a disruption field at either end," he replied. "As far as I can tell by scanning, this forms a cube, and this section of the field stretches for about fifty meters in both directions. We'll need to set off a disruption wave simultaneously at two corners. That's where it's the weakest and will have the most effect."

"Alright, so…I'm assuming you can use the sonic screwdriver to create one of the disruption waves," Rose surmised. "But what about the other? Can you…I dunno…maybe modify my weapon?"

He momentarily beamed at her quick thinking. "Yes, that's exactly what we'll need to do. I can recalibrate its energy setting to emit the type of power needed. Can I see it for a moment?"

Rose unholstered her weapon and placed the cool black metal in his open palm. She didn't miss the clench of his jaw as his fingers curled around the potentially-deadly device.

"I never used it if there was another choice," she offered in a somber tone.

"I hope there was always another choice," he responded back, equally somber.

"Sometimes," she answered. "Someone once taught me to always look for the other choice."

His eyes flicked up to hers briefly.

"Done," he finally stated, as he placed the weapon back in her hand.

"We're gonna have to separate, aren't we?" she realized.

"Temporarily. We'll each need to be at opposite ends to activate the disruption simultaneously. Count off fifty meters. I'll watch for your signal with the torch to let me know you're ready. Two blinks. Then I'll do the same." Despite his sure planning, trepidation could be heard in his tone.

"Well then, the sooner we get this done the sooner we can meet back up and keep going," she concluded optimistically.

Rose turned, but briefly stopped as the Doctor snagged her hand with his, long fingers curling securely around her own. Her heart sped at the touch which encompassed more than just their joined hands. "Be careful, Rose."

She offered a faint smile. "Yeah. You too."

He released her hand with visible reluctance. Rose turned and headed away, counting the steps as she made her way down to her designated position.

Once there, she reached out a hand to be sure she was still directly in front of the force field. A tentative touch and subsequent undulation in the air confirmed it. She took out her weapon, confirming the new setting. In the tense solitude, Rose thought she heard something and paused to listen. The only discernible sound was that of occasional rain drops pattering on the ground as a light sprinkle began.

She was just about to signal through the trees with her torch to let the Doctor at the other end know she was ready, when she was suddenly startled by his unexpected voice from behind.

"Rose?"

She jumped and whirled around to see the Doctor standing there. She clutched a hand to her chest above her pounding heart. "Blimey! Don't sneak up on me like that. What is it? What's wrong?"

In contrast to her startled state, his own voice was calm and smooth. "We're going to have to keep moving. We need to go around this instead."

Rose shook her head. "But…there _is_ no going around it. You said the ship must be somewhere within this field, so we have to get _through_. Otherwise we'd just be going in circles."

He took a step forward. "I was wrong. I now believe the illusion is merely a distraction, making us think we need to get inside. But in reality, we should go around it to get to where we need to be." He moved even closer, crouching slightly to bring his eyes level with hers. "Come with me."

She couldn't seem to tear her eyes from his. They were deep, seductive and mesmerizing. Unsettlingly so, like the power cast by a dark spell. "I…I don't think that's the best way," she managed to say, voicing her unsteady objection.

She watched as his right hand lifted to touch her cheek. She shivered as he made contact. Not because she felt the intense sensation that normally accompanied his touch, but because she _didn't_. It left her cold inside, even as his voice whispered out like a soft caress.

"This _is_ the best way, I assure you." His hand moved from her cheek to trace over her lips, his thumb following the curve of the supple flesh. "You know I adore you more than life itself, and I wouldn't lead you astray, my love."

The skin between her brows crinkled to a frown. Not that she would have ever complained about hearing such endearments from the Doctor before, but this smooth romantic before her just didn't fit his character. Something was definitely wrong here. A chill ran down her spine as the Doctor's past words flashed in her mind.

'_This race is capable of being masters of deception… Once you're out there, even if somewhat protected, nothing may be what it seems.'_

She captured his hand in hers, and cradled it to her as she whispered. "Tell me something?"

"Anything at all," he breathed out intensely.

Okay, now she _knew_ this wasn't right. She unceremoniously dropped his hand, then raised her other which held the weapon, pointing it at the apparent man whom, under normal circumstances, she never could have imagined taking such action against. But these days it seemed _nothing_ about her life could be classified as normal.

Her voice was low and threatening as her eyes held him in place. "What have you done with the Doctor?"


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N **Since this will be my last update before the 25th, I wish each one of you a merry Christmas! And as my gift to you, this chapter ends on an overdue, rather pleasant note. ;)

* * *

**Chapter 15**

From his position at the far end of the force field, the Doctor stood in the warm, damp air and awaited the signal from Rose to let him know that she was ready to initiate the simultaneous disruption wave that would disable the obstruction. He peered through the wooded landscape, looking for the distant blinking light from her torch to cut through the murky darkness.

What he saw instead as he gazed into the black forest was the movement of a figure, soon revealed to be Rose as she returned to his location. He frowned, hoping nothing was wrong to send her back so quickly without signaling.

She approached him, a stern scowl gracing her otherwise lovely face.

"Rose…?"

"Change of plans," she declared without preamble.

His frown deepened. "What? Why?"

Her tone was firm and authoritative. "I've given it more thought, and I think your plan is flawed. Charging through on our own might be your typical method, but it's not mine. I already informed you on standard procedure, but you wouldn't listen. Well, I think it's time you _did_."

His eyes narrowed, not sure what to make of this brusque change in attitude. "And what would you suggest instead?"

"We need to proceed cautiously around this obstruction to get a better idea of the surrounding area before making any rash moves."

The Doctor didn't have the patience for this sudden argument. Donna had been in jeopardy long enough, not to mention the others who had been taken. He knew his plan was risky but he believed it was the best way, and this wasn't the time for a power struggle between the two of them. "Rose, I'm sorry if you disagree, but I'm afraid this is the only way. If we simply proceed around this, we'll never get _through_ it."

She crossed her arms defiantly. "I'm not asking you to change the plan, I'm _telling_ you. I've made my decision, and I'm giving you an order."

His left brow arched high. "Another _order_? This is becoming a new trend. But if I remember correctly, we worked as a team."

Her head tilted, and something shifted in the way she looked at him. There was something in her eyes he couldn't quite define. Something that was almost…predatorial in nature. Or perhaps _seductive_ was a more accurate term. It might've even enticed him if something about this didn't feel…wrong.

She sidled closer, voice lowering a pitch. "Even teams have dominant members. Those who stand up and take charge…"

"I always fancied equal partnership," he answered, voice matching hers.

She pressed closer in, eyes holding him fast. "Is that all you fancy? Because I think you might enjoy this arrangement. I think it might even…excite you…"

He eyed her warily as she slowly licked her lips, tongue catching the moisture that had collected from the misting rain. "Rose, are you feeling alright?"

She leaned in and brought her lips to his ear. "Let's talk about how _you're_ feeling, hmm?" Her fingers skated up his neck. His hearts quickened, but for an altogether different reason than the touch would have typically inspired. "Mmm, pulse elevated... If I didn't know better I'd say you were aroused by _dominance_. Care to see just how authoritative I can be?"

The Doctor's answering voice was low and rough. "Another time and under different circumstances? Definitely. But right now, there are more important things to address first. Such as…what have you done with Rose?"

She abruptly pulled back, expression hard. "Neither of you could do this the simple way, could you? Your primitive minds have to try to overcomplicate and interfere."

His reply was dangerously calm. "I'll give you exactly one last chance to answer before I decide to be _much_ less friendly. What have you done to Rose?"

The form of Rose was emotionless. "The human female is unharmed, and currently attempting to futilely negotiate much the same answers from another facet of my conscious being."

"Right. Okay, first things first," the Doctor cut in. "Before we go any further, I'd appreciate it if you'd change form and stop fraudulently representing that particular body."

The illusion of Rose ran her hands in a slow, seductive manner over her curves, appreciatively visible even beneath the black field gear worn, a fact he had already noted earlier. "Oh, but I happen to _know_ that you are quite fond of this body. That's why I chose it just for you."

The tense set of the Doctor's jaw hinted of the storm simmering below the surface. "I'm also quite fond of the _true_ person who occupies it. Now, if you don't mind…"

With a half-hearted shrug, the image of Rose shimmered and rippled, then morphed into a shapeless pillar of intense energy. The issuing voice that followed echoed through his own head, its characteristic telepathic communication replacing outward speech.

"_Is this what you seek?"_ the ethereal voice questioned.

"Can't say it's an improvement. But at least I know who I'm speaking to. You're a being of the Prime Consciousness, correct?"

"_Very astute. From what I've seen, your mind is an impressive specimen. Had I access from the start, yours would have been all that was required."_

He crossed his arms, stance firm. "Sorry, but it's never been available for your barbaric means. Nor has anyone else's on this planet."

"_My means are not barbaric. I was simply seeking a needed resource. I have all that is needed now due to tonight's new acquisitions. All that is left is for the energy core to fully charge. I will leave this primitive planet shortly. Do not interfere and no one will be harmed."_

"Aside from those you've already abducted, you mean? You think it's harmless to use their brains as your energy source?" he questioned angrily.

"_The harvest for energy was necessary."_

He scoffed. "And you consider yourself to be of the highest intelligence with such a crude attitude?"

"_Beings of the Prime Consciousness are not hampered by the trivial emotions that impede lesser species."_

"Or a conscience, apparently."

"_They are one in the same."_

"And what about pride, hmm?" the Doctor went on, making a slow circuit around the being of energy. "You see, I happen to know a bit about you. And I also happen to know that even if you don't care about the morality of your actions, you consider violence as primitive and beneath you. That's why no one was taken by violent means. And that's why you've used tricks of the mind to manipulate rather than employ direct force."

"_And for this superior approach you should be grateful."_

The Doctor's mouth quirked in a dangerous half-smirk. "Ah, but therein lies your weakness. You don't use any weapons of force. Instead you rely on mentally controlling or outsmarting your enemies – neither of which will work on me."

"_You also use no weapons of violence and are instead attempting to exert your intelligence, which is of no consequence to me. You are of no threat. Your title itself is that of a physician; a healer, not a fighter."_

"You're not from my world," he answered darkly. "You don't know me by my other titles."

"_Aggression _and_ futile intellect," _it scoffed._ "Then you are certainly no match."_

The Doctor came to a stop as he rocked casually on his heels. "Oh, I dunno. I think Rose and I had you a bit worried, or else you wouldn't have gone to this much trouble to deter us from mucking with your little blockade. You couldn't take over our minds or even now create more powerful deterrents because much of your effort needs to focus on the final stages of reviving your ship, so you've resorted to illusions. Cheap parlor tricks."

The echoing voice grew louder in his head. _"You pose no threat. Your efforts are feeble, which is why greater means have been unnecessary."_

He clasped his hands casually behind his back. "Now, if you think I believe _that_, then it's obvious who's in possession of the superior intellect here. No, I reckon you're plenty concerned right about now. And you should be."

"_If you attempt to further interfere,"_ the Consciousness went on severely, _"then those connected to the core will suffer. Attempt to disrupt what is taking place and you will directly disrupt their cerebral cortex."_

"A chance I'll have to take," he answered gravely. "I am _not_ leaving a single one of them in your hands."

"_Then your foolishness will cost everyone."_

With that, the pillar of shimmering energy withdrew in a misty fog, vanishing before him.

The Doctor let out a long, tense breath. Jaw clenched, he turned on his heel and headed in the direction of where he hoped to find Rose.

He shoved past thick branches, uncaring of the roughage scraping against his palms. He was pretty certain the psychic being couldn't afford to exert any more energy in an attempt to overtake Rose's mind thanks to her enhanced shields, and so would only resort to trickery and illusions as it had with him, but he wouldn't let himself be assured of that until he found her.

Thankfully it didn't take long. He saw the beam of her torch and movement of her form just up ahead. Approaching in his direction, she met him halfway.

Relief flooded through him upon seeing her, and his arms reached out to her instinctively as he rushed forward. Rose, however, took a sharp step back and, more alarmingly, aimed her weapon at him.

"Keep your hands to yourself! I swear, if you try to…to woo me with fake honeyed words just once more I might pull this trigger! The last ten minutes were about all I could take."

The Doctor's eyes narrowed suspiciously. It was possible this wasn't Rose after all, and he was again being presented with a domineering (now weapon-wielding) illusion.

"Umm…wooing with artificial honey? I've been accused of a great many things throughout the multiverse, most of it unfortunately true and occasionally even _under_ reported. But I've got to say…this is a first."

She hesitantly lowered the weapon, eyes carefully scanning his face. "Doctor?"

He nodded. "That's me. Rose…?"

"Same here."

"So it seems."

"Right," she stated cautiously.

He folded his arms across his chest, observing her closely. "Indeed."

Neither one was sure if they were seeing the other's true self considering the entity's attempts at trickery. Both could now see the other's mutual suspicion. But then again, both knew it could also be an act.

The Doctor produced the sonic screwdriver and gestured in her direction. "If you have no objections…?"

She shrugged. "Go ahead. I've got nothing to hide. But it won't help prove yourself to _me_."

"Mmm," he absently acknowledged. "You seem genuine enough. Assuming I can trust these readings, which isn't a guarantee."

"Well, this leaves us in an…interesting situation," Rose finally stated.

"So it does," he agreed, eyes lifting back to hers. They studied each other for a few seconds, before he looked back down at the sonic with a scrutinizing gaze. "But first things first, excuse me while I check something else. And as long as you don't try to seduce me away from the task, that will go a long way in proving yourself."

Rose arched a brow at the statement.

The Doctor then turned and scanned the force field that bordered alongside them. "Lovely," he muttered sourly. "The wave configuration has been completely recalibrated to an oscillating frequency. Which means I have to start over finding not only the correct counter-wave form to create a disruption, but an entire pattern of them to counter-match the oscillations."

He focused his attention on the issue, working through different settings on the sonic screwdriver, trying to find the new configuration patterns needed to create a disruption within the barrier. As he worked, Rose watched him carefully.

"So…it seems you've had a double runnin' around these parts. Well, actually, he wasn't an _exact_ double. Quite a bit different in…some ways."

He glanced up. "I encountered the same. A double of _you_, that is. It was a disguised facet of the being's consciousness."

Rose chewed her lip as she pondered the situation. "If it knew to show us illusions we would recognize, that means this Prime Consciousness thing was able to access our minds, yeah?"

He straightened. Since the process would take several minutes, he placed the sonic down to allow it to continue running through wave configurations, set to alert him when this was achieved, while he gave Rose his attention.

"In a way. When we felt the attempt to probe minds, that's when it was trying to glean information. It wasn't able to go beyond barely grazing the superficial conscious, but it got a few obvious bits."

"But it knew enough details to realize that you and I were…well…involved. Apparently."

"Rose, that's so apparent between us that a low-level empath could have picked that up loud and clear," he stated. "Like I said, the obvious bits." There was such matter-of-fact certainty that once would have been so foreign coming from him, a reminder that he _had_ at least made progress in this regard.

"So you're…really you…," she both stated and questioned, shining her torch over his form in appraisal, still not completely certain after such an unnerving encounter.

"The one and only," he asserted with a wink. "But if you care to test me…?"

With his offer came the realization of what a prime opportunity this was. It was a chance to have him open up to her about things only he would know, buried deep within. Rose thought of how opposite the false one's behavior had been in regards to open declarations. Her Doctor, on the other hand, had only admitted his deepest feelings to her in precise terms exactly once. Not that she'd needed the words in the past, in light of the other immense ways he'd shared himself. Still, it was nice to actually hear it spoken once in a while. Especially now.

It didn't take long to decide what her question would be. "Okay. So…the last time we saw each other…on the beach, I mean…" She hesitated, feeling a deep ache at the very memory.

"Go on," he gently encouraged.

"What was the last thing you said to me?"

He swallowed heavily, eyes welling with emotion. "I said, 'Rose Tyler.'"

"Yeah," she agreed hoarsely, "but…how would that sentence have ended?"

He hesitated, but she didn't realize it was because he felt fiercely protective of this one substantial thing. What if this _wasn't_ the real Rose? He didn't exactly go around saying this willy-nilly. And if he _was_ going to get the words out, he didn't want it to be under conditions like this.

'_Tell me again one day when we have more time,'_ she had once implored him, the memory still raw.

Part of him wanted nothing more than to give her those words now, but he didn't want it to seem like a mere tool to win her trust. The words were much too sacred to be wielded in such a way. When it came right down to it, he'd always believed the living truth behind them transcended the actual words themselves.

"Does it even need saying?" he finally spoke by way of reply, throat tight.

Rose eyed him incredulously, then breathed out a shaky laugh, half in relief and half in utter exasperation. "Okay…now I _know_ you're the real Doctor. No doubt about it."

The Doctor shifted his eyes from hers, feeling chastened. "Rose, I…"

She shook her head, glancing off. "Time and place, I s'pose, yeah? At least this proves who you are." She looked up, drew a breath and squared her shoulders. "So, what about me, then? Do you trust I'm the real thing?"

The Doctor's gaze returned, eyeing her appraisingly. "Well, you're no longer pointing your weapon at me. And you're not ordering me about, so you don't appear to be quite as _aggressive_ as the illusional version."

"Your illusion was aggressive?" Rose questioned thoughtfully, surprised. "Mine was more…"

He cocked an interested brow. "What?"

She kept her eyes on him, assessing his reaction. "Suave. Charming–"

"My exact definition," he asserted with a sniff.

"…openly romantic."

"Ah. The _wooing_. Yes. Right."

Her expression was one torn between amusement and dejection, her voice little more than a mumble. "I knew it wasn't you straight away when he said he adored me more than life itself."

The Doctor regarded her for a long moment. "Humans and their need for words," he finally murmured. "Rose, I could tell you I adore you using rudimentary English language, but–"

"But what?" she almost snapped. Would it kill him to _say_ these things once in a while?

He held her gaze intensely. "That would be a woefully inadequate statement. There are _no_ words worthy or capable of defining how I feel about you…what you are to me."

A fluttering sensation rose in her throat, and came out a breathless '_oh_.' She was beginning to remember why his lack of frequent endearments had never been a problem. He might not have ever swept her in his arms and quoted poetry, but he still had the ability to weaken her knees.

"Y-yeah?"

"Yes."

She glanced away from the intensity in his eyes, not quite prepared to handle it. She cleared her throat, getting back to the topic of the entity they were facing, trying to better understand it. "So…if the Consciousness scanned our thoughts and was trying to produce believable copies, why were our copied personalities off base from the real thing?"

It was hard to tell in the dark, but the Doctor may have actually blushed at the question. "Well, it…it…was trying to distract us first and foremost, to buy itself more time. So it presented us with what it thought we wanted most, grabbing our full attention. And when it probed our minds, some of the more primitive thoughts and…erm…desires lay close to the surface, so they were more easily detectable."

Rose pondered what he just revealed, the explanation clicking into place. "Hold on, did you just say what I think you said? That it read and played into our…_fantasies_?"

"That's…that's a rather crude definition," he spluttered.

"That's a _yes_ then, isn't it!" she couldn't help but goad him.

The Doctor turned his attention back to the sonic screwdriver to check its progress, suddenly wholly preoccupied. "I need to keep an eye on this," he mumbled.

Despite the considerable tension still between them, she wasn't about to just let this drop. This was a chance to learn something she'd never known about him – never expected, really. "So…you've had fantasies about me, Doctor? Fantasies that involved me being all…dominant and assertive?"

"Rose, what were you saying about time and place?" he groused, not turning around as he continued to fiddle.

"You have, haven't you?!" she realized with triumph. "So me being in command is actually a _turn-on_ for you?"

The Doctor turned back to face her, expression tight, clearly outside of his comfort zone. "I didn't realize it was until you gave me that first bloody order, all…all fiery and commanding. Alright?"

All banter fled from her tone, uncertainty taking over instead. "Then you really are okay with…the changes? You weren't just sayin' that?"

He expelled a long breath. "Once again confined by the limits of the English language," he murmured, head shaking slightly. His expression softened to infinite tenderness. "Rose, you're _you_. There is _so much_ that makes up Rose Tyler, and every facet is a marvel to me. Innocent and with eyes full of wonder, glimpsing the universe for the first time; willing to sacrifice yourself time and again for my sake whether I deserved it or not; discovering even more of your strength at a time when you had no other choice, learning not only to carry on but to thrive in a life that was thrust upon you – everything you are, everything you've been, everything you'll ever be, you're _Rose_. And every element of your nature captivates and pulls me in. Always has, even when I wished it didn't."

They stood, caught in each other's gaze. The spattering rain had picked up, coming down in a steadier drizzle, but neither noticed nor paid heed.

"I…I guess for once I'm the one who doesn't know what to say," Rose finally responded quietly, eyes drifting down. "You're _sure_ you're not the illusion?" she quipped with a weak laugh.

He took a step closer, then another. "I'm just me. But…there _is_ a way to be absolutely certain that we're both genuine, no tricks, no illusions…"

"No perception filters?" she added quietly, eyes lifting back up to find his.

He swallowed hard. "No. No more."

"You're talking about the bond, aren't you?" she breathed out.

"Yes," he answered, voice equally hushed, barely heard over a nearing rumble of thunder.

"I can't feel it right now," she noted with sadness.

"I've dampened it," he confessed.

"So I wouldn't know it was you when you got here," Rose concluded, hurt seeping back into her tone.

He shook his head. "No, long before that. I had to dampen the fractured remains of our link early on, because the pain of it being severed was just…too much. I thought that maybe I would adjust to it in time, but I didn't. I couldn't. So I had to keep it suppressed." His eyes searched hers, regret flooding his tone. "Rose, I am _so_ sorry I couldn't do that for you. A severed bond that has not naturally diminished through the process of death is not a common occurrence between bond mates, and it could almost drive one mad. Did it…did it hurt you?"

"Every day," she choked out. "It was worse at first. During those early weeks, it was like my mind was straining so hard to reach out and find the lost connection, and the emptiness _burned_. After a while, it became more of a dull ache, but it was always there. Always."

"I'm sorry. So sorry."

"I'm not," she affirmed, even as her voice cracked. "The pain was all I had left of our connection, and feeling the pain was better than feeling nothing at all."

"You're so much stronger than I've ever been," he concluded in a sad yet awed voice.

Rose shook her head. "No, I'm really not. We just have different ways of coping. And for you, being a Time Lord and telepathic, the pain must have been even worse."

He exhaled shakily, recalling the torment. "But that's over now. For both of us."

She held his gaze, even as drops of rain obscured her vision. "Is it?"

"Oh, Rose." The Doctor's eyes fell shut, and he sought out the suppressed remnants of their bond. He unbound a fraction of it – not enough to engulf them both but enough that she could _feel_ it. "Let me show you…"

Rose fought back a rush of tears as his strong, powerful essence touched her gently but deeply in her inner most being, beckoning her forth. She wanted him, she _needed_ him, so much; and the protective guard around her heart didn't seem to stand a chance in that moment. With a shaking exhale, Rose's mind tumbled forth to reach for his, to reach for their link that had been severed and debilitated, the missing bond she had sought day after day after day.

The Doctor nearly toppled back at the sudden surge of golden light infiltrating his barren mind. Rose had never been capable of initiating such a connection with him to such a degree. Before their separation, her mental abilities had developed to the point that she could reach for his mind with hers only if physically touching. But never had she been capable of reaching him in this way through her mind alone. Her abilities had grown in his absence due to her unceasing pursuit of what had been lost. Her mind had learned to reach out night and day, seeking. Endlessly seeking.

His eyes opened blearily, half-dazed, as he drew a shaking breath. "How did you–"

"_I've been reaching for you for SO long," _her mind responded, for the first time within his.

He reached for her with trembling hands as their steps simultaneously carried them forward, eliminating the physical space between them. His arms encircled her and crushed her to his chest as their minds touched and their latent bond surged back into life. It wasn't a total, unrestrained connection, but even in part it was nearly overwhelming.

It wasn't possible to distinguish and catalog all that was felt in that single surge. The desperation fueling the mutual deluge created an almost chaotic swell of emotions. Love, anguish, joy, despair – it was all there in a churning cyclone. And dispersed throughout was lingering but potent anger – her anger and even his anger over things lost and things done and things undone, actions taken and actions withheld, misplaced emotions and misunderstandings, and the complications of the whole bloody universe.

Rose could not summon the effort it would have taken to speak into his mind again, and in truth, the Doctor couldn't either. He sensed her attempting it, and he himself was too overcome to respond with inner words.

"I know. Oh, I know," he murmured into her damp hair as he held her fiercely.

Rose clutched his body tightly to hers, hands fisting in his coat. "Needed you so much," she responded, voice choked with emotion as her face pressed to the crook of his neck. "And there were times I _hated_ that."

She lifted her head and he looked down into her face. Another bolt of lightning flashed, illuminating the gleaming tears mingled with drops of rain that had both begun to fall and were now streaming down her cheeks. He framed her face in his hands, thumbs tracing wet circles upon her skin as the rain began to beat upon them in earnest, beading in his hair and dripping from his forehead onto hers.

Her eyes contained a tempest that rivaled the outside elements, lingering caution colliding with desire. For a heartbeat, neither was sure whether to cling tighter or step back and collect their wits. The Doctor began to respond with words that were bubbling up in his chest of their own accord; words humans needed; words _he_ needed if honest; words that had been locked in his hearts for so long. But before he could utter a sound, she lifted up on her toes as her hands went to his head, pulling him down as she rocked up.

This would either be a heat-of-the-moment mistake that would complicate her progress in sorting out her heart, or the first right move since reuniting. Either way, both were beyond caring as their lips collided in time with a powerful crash of thunder.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N **Now…where were we? ;) Things get a bit steamy, but not explicitly so.

* * *

**Chapter 16**

_Before he could utter a sound, she lifted up on her toes as her hands went to his head, pulling him down as she rocked up. This would either be a heat-of-the-moment mistake that would complicate her progress in sorting out her heart, or the first right move since reuniting. Either way, both were beyond caring as their lips collided in time with a powerful crash of thunder._

Fresh rain mingled with the taste of passion as mouths united and reclaimed what each had long since yearned to regain. The downpour pelted the canopy of trees above their heads and the earthen floor below their feet, but was drowned out by the sound of blood rushing in their ears as their hearts galloped at a wild tempo.

The rain was coming down in earnest now. Water drenched their skin and clothing, pooling between them in the minute crevices created between their pressed bodies as yearning tongues explored and seeking hands rediscovered. Now that the gates of suppressed desire had opened, neither could get enough.

Her roaming fingers were tugging through his hair one moment, stroking down his face the next, then fisting in the sodden fabric of his shirt.

His own questing hands swept down her back, clutched her hips in a desperate, tight embrace, then skated back up her body, to her face, and up to her wet blonde tresses, tangling in the silky strands and guiding her head to deepen the angle of their fervent fusion.

It was bruising and frenzied and saturating, the rain streaming past their lips and drenching their tongues. Lips met again and again in a warm, wet exploration of mouths as tongues engaged in a sensual battle for domination.

Rose's rain-slicked hands found their way down his slim torso, beneath layers of wool and cotton, seeking the juncture where shirt and trousers met. Burning for the feel of his cool skin against her feverish flesh, her hands untucked the soaked garment and slipped beneath. Small, warm hands splayed wide across the taut expanse of his bare abdomen, and his body shuddered in response. Nails scraped down the firm flesh, stopped and lingered at the barrier of his waistband, then repeated the slow drag upward.

The Doctor growled into her mouth and couldn't restrain his own hands from giving in to the need for more skin-to-skin contact. Usually nimble fingers were uncharacteristically inefficient as he fumbled with the front fastenings of her black cargo vest. Once his task was achieved, his fingers focused in on the hem of her tight black jumper, pushing it up her torso, past her ribcage, until his fingers slipped beneath the last hindering garment to skim the undersides of soft, supple flesh.

One of them gasped, but it was hard to distinguish who. She broke the kiss, gulping down air as his forehead pressed to hers, water dripping from their chins.

"I…I can't even describe how I've _missed_ this. Missed _you_. _Craved_ you," he panted in a rough voice, long fingers stroking back and forth, then circling tantalizingly higher. Her back arched as her body sought his intimate touch.

She bit down on her lip and clenched her eyes shut as she momentarily gave herself over to the sensations. Dazedly, she opened again, seeking his dark gaze. Her right hand lifted to plunge through his hair, sweeping back the thick, dripping fringe that obscured his eyes. They held the fusion of fiery passion and heartbreaking awe they always did when he beheld her in the throes of passion, the look that for so long had only existed in memory.

Rose drew strength from a breath and tried to regain her higher faculties as the torrential rain began to let up, quieting their surroundings, sobering the moment. Her mind was warring with her body; with her heart. In spite of yearning desire, there were so many reasons why this wasn't the time to carry this further, why they probably shouldn't have even let it get this far. "W-we shouldn't be doing this," she finally rasped, though her reluctance to say so was visible.

"Oh…I have to disagree," he replied throatily, hands still buried beneath her jumper and thumbs now spiraling against her flesh in the most distracting manner. "We have all of this…_glorious_ time before the disruption wave sequence is set and ready to be re-attempted." His mouth descended to nip her throbbing pulse point, then softly nuzzle her throat. "Long, lavish minutes. I can accomplish a _lot_ in mere minutes. Time Lord…," he whispered, dark and promising.

Rose bit back a whimper. Somehow, she held onto a vapor of sanity, even as her fingers curled reflexively into his scalp as his caressing lips continued their persuasive argument. "But we still have things that need to be settled between us first," she pointed out, though the words were an unsteady whisper. Then, recalling their first time, "Sex doesn't solve everything."

He pulled back just far enough to catch her eyes, his own impossibly dark, dilated and intense. Even a man with his restraint could only keep himself caged for so long. "Is that all this is? Was there a single time it was ever just that?" She swallowed, unable to form a rebuttal. "If this is wrong, tell me to stop. Say the word and I will." His hot breath singed her ear as he leaned back in and whispered challengingly. "_Tell_ me, Rose. Tell me you don't want this. _Say_ it. Can you?"

He had her and he knew it.

"Git."

"Never said I wasn't."

Giving in, and unable to deny them what had been out of reach for so long, she surged forward and caught his bottom lip between both of hers, suckling off the sweet wetness before stroking her tongue into his mouth.

He responded ferociously, backing her up until her back connected with the solid trunk of a massive, towering pine. His right hand scrabbled down to her leg, wrapped around her thigh and hoisted it up around his waist, bringing them significantly closer. They rocked together on instinct and simultaneously gasped.

It was at that moment the sonic flashed and emitted a low thrill, signaling its readiness.

They were wrenched from the moment, instantly reminded that the universe itself did not consist of the two of them alone. Desperate as they were for full reconnection, there was a critical mission to complete.

Both were breathing heavily. His hand still grasped her thigh as his other palm lay splayed open across her chest, rising and falling with each ragged breath. Her own hands still gripped his hair, clutching him close.

_Time Lord, indeed,_ she inwardly groaned. _Always running out of time at the crucial moment. _

"It…it could've been worse," he rasped out. "A few seconds later, and stopping would have been even more _excruciating_, if not impossible."

She released his hair at the same time he eased his grip on her leg, Rose's thigh sliding from his slim waist. He took a reluctant step back to give her space, but his eyes never left her as her hands moved to right her clothing, rearranging and refastening. A pained noise left his throat as the concealing barriers were put back in place.

She stepped forward, cupped his damp, flushed cheek and took his mouth with hers. Finishing with two lingering, suckling kisses, she eased back, stroking a finger along his jaw. "We're not finished," she assured him, finding her voice. "And I don't just mean with the things that don't involve talking, but the things that _do_. What happened doesn't change things. Don't you dare try to back out of sorting all this later."

Oh, she knew him too well. He swallowed heavily and nodded, still trying to normalize the rhythm of his hearts.

The Doctor took a brief moment to straighten out his own clothing, re-tucking his sodden shirt into his trousers. Unsteady hands then ran through his rain-soaked hair. Very seldom was the Doctor found to be frazzled and undone, but right now he was the definition of rumpled and dazed. And still noticeably aroused.

"You gonna be alright?" Rose questioned, tongue rimming her lips and eyes dropping to the vicinity of his clinging trousers.

He shifted a little, the movement looking a tad painful, and nodded tightly. "So long as I don't have to run in the next few seconds. Superior Time Lord biology, though. I can get myself…erm…under control. Used to be an expert, in fact. Until a certain human female impeded my abilities."

"'S that so?" she responded coyly.

The expression he shot her was equal parts cautionary and desirous. She couldn't hide her body's shiver in response.

"Cold?" he questioned as he straightened his collar, his focus on her still intense.

Cold was definitely the opposite of her body temperature at the moment. "Not exactly, no." She gathered her drenched hair to the side. "Just soaking wet."

The look he gave her in response about toppled her fledgling resolve. "Oh, I'm quite sure of that…" Her mouth went dry, and she couldn't even choke out a response. With a disarming smirk, he added, "I'll see what I can do about that later on." He sobered, realizing and reining in the innuendo. Or at least attempted to. "That is…there's a specific setting on the sonic for that. Not often used, but it can bring relief in certain situations."

She realized her mouth hung open, and promptly closed it. She took in two long, cleansing breaths, and mumbled, "Maybe we should just quit talking before this gets out of hand."

He coughed, averted his eyes and nodded.

If they didn't focus, they'd never get back to the matter that had brought them out here in the first place. With mutual and substantial effort, both turned their attention back to the critical issue at hand.

A rumble of thunder rolled off in the distance as the remnants of the storm passed on. The Doctor trudged on muddy ground up to the vicinity of the force field. He peered down at the sonic screwdriver, confirming it had finally secured the disruption sequence that was needed. Replicating the new settings, he then re-calibrated Rose's displacement weapon to the same frequency.

He placed the sonic down on the ground, aiming forward, then straightened and turned to Rose. "I'm going to leave this here and put it on a delay of five minutes while we leg it to the other end to initiate the second disruption. I think it's best if we stick together from here on out."

"Yeah, definitely," she agreed, the flicker of emotion behind her words showing through as they both shared a poignant glance. The Doctor prepared to activate the countdown on the sonic screwdriver. "You want me to synchronize my watch?" she asked.

He tapped his temple. "No need. Got the most accurate countdown right here."

He put the sonic in place and turned back to Rose. He didn't automatically take her hand, assuming privileges, but rather offered his own. This time, with a trace smile, she took it, threading their fingers together, a gesture neither took for granted.

The Doctor and Rose hastened down to the other end of the force field. Rose readied her weapon, preparing to fire the simultaneous burst that would disable the obstruction.

"If we're lucky, we're about to have nothing standing between us and a mind-stealing entity," the Doctor announced with mad enthusiasm.

"Sounds about like our kind of luck," Rose replied dryly, aiming the weapon.

"Ready?" he prompted. She nodded. He held up three fingers, two, one. "…Now!"

Rose fired at the force field at the same moment the sonic screwdriver activated at the other end and did the same. The air in front of them crackled with spreading tendrils of electricity. For a moment, it looked as if nothing more would happen. Seconds later, the illusion of the steep cliff before them morphed and shifted. It then faded away, revealing a level view of the thick forest continuing on.

Both exhaled a tense breath. It had worked. They then retraced their path back to the other end to hastily retrieve the sonic screwdriver.

"We could still wait for Torchwood," Rose inserted along the way. "With the barrier and its illusion down, they should now be able to find this place and get through. Going into a situation like this without calling for backup is a serious offense. So was disobeying orders in the first place."

"Again with the orders," he murmured, then cleared his throat. "Rose, I don't want to let any more time pass while we wait for Torchwood. And I don't know how strong the psychic influence might be once we reach the actual ship. Our best hope of having Torchwood as viable backup is by first overcoming whatever psychic control might be present. They'll find their way here soon enough. As soon as this went down, the disruption field that's been altering navigational systems would've deactivated as well, because they were integrated together. But we _need_ to keep moving and maintain this head start on them. Because if you told them to hold off until my say-so, do you really think they would?"

"It would mean laying aside standard procedure. But possibly."

"I'm not willing to risk Donna or the others on the odds of 'possibly.' Are you?"

She considered the situation, then shook her head with a mirthless laugh. "I'm _so_ gonna get sacked for this."

They reached the sonic and he bent to retrieve it. Standing back up, he shrugged casually, despite the faint vulnerability in his voice. "I might be able to offer you another position that's available to be filled." Before she could form a reply to the rather significant statement, he flippantly added, "Presuming we make it out of this alive and with our minds still intact."

"Always the optimist," she mumbled.

His expression deepened. "Oh, never lose hold of optimism." Without further word he then flicked on the sonic screwdriver, and in long, slow strokes moved the blue beam up and down her body – head to toe, front to back, managing to avoid another minefield of innuendo this time. She basked in the instant, enveloping warmth as she was dried from her rain-soaked state. He then quickly did the same to himself.

The tenderness in his gaze was replaced by something heavier, something darker as the two regarded each other, the gravity of the situation visible, despite the brief distraction.

"Allons-y?" Rose interjected cautiously.

"Oh, yes," he replied, voice equally wary.

With the light of her torch and his sonic leading the way, they proceeded ahead through the dark, uncertain territory.

-:-:-:-

"Communications Control, this is Team Two," Mickey Smith reported in as he and Jake momentarily slowed their SUVs. "The navigational systems seem to have just…reset themselves. And our current location parameters have shifted."

"It could be a trap," Jake cautioned, pulling to a stop alongside him.

"Or maybe the GPS is finally working properly and we'll start making progress," Mickey put in. "We've gotten nowhere the past hour, so something's obviously been off."

Pete Tyler considered the current information. _"Proceed with caution,"_ he advised. _"But continue your attempt to head west. We've got to close in on this thing."_

"Will do," Mickey signed off. The teams resumed their trek, finally making headway.

-:-:-:-

"So, what exactly are we looking for?" Rose questioned apprehensively as she and the Doctor continued making their way through the isolated, previously concealed forest. "I mean, I know we're looking for the Prime Consciousness and presumably its ship. But it can disguise itself to look like anything, right? So how do we know this…," she gestured vaguely beside them, "…this _tree_ here isn't it?"

"That's one thing we now have in our favor by moving past the cloaking field," the Doctor answered. "So much raw energy is emitted from a Prime's ship itself, and the additional power it would take to create a psychic illusion immediately surrounding itself could disrupt the central core, and that's too risky when it's already been compromised and is in a state of restoration. That's why the illusional field we encountered encompassed a wide zone out from the actually crash site. Now that we've breached that, what we see is what we get."

"S'pose that means we'll know it when we see it, then."

"Ye_p_."

The two continued along cautiously for several more meters. It wasn't long before readings indicated they were closing in on the target area, nearly on top of the critical zone as scans from the sonic confirmed a massive concentration of energy nearby.

The Doctor scrutinized the current readings he was getting from the sonic screwdriver, eyes narrowed. "We're close," he confirmed.

She cut her eyes to him. "How close?"

"_Very_. The energy readings have spiked. We're definitely still on the right track, and if these scans are correct, it should be directly up ahead. A dozen or so meters."

Rose's senses were on high alert as she analyzed their surroundings. "I smell something. Do you smell something? It's like…like something burnt or charred."

He nodded, inhaling deeply. "It's the nearby crash site. On impact, the ground and the trees in the vicinity would have been singed. That's what you're smelling."

Rose's hand hovered cautiously over the weapon secured to her right hip. The Doctor noticed, shifting his eyes to the potentially-lethal device.

"Weapons won't be of any use in this situation," he stated tightly. "That's why we don't need Torchwood here right now."

"I've only ever used a weapon as a means of defense, not offense," she reiterated. "And I told you, this is used as a neural disruptor. Weapons don't always have to kill to be effective."

"They don't have to kill to be detrimental, either."

Rose briefly stopped and turned to him, needing to settle this. "What do you suggest? That we walk in there with no protection at all?"

"I've already said, the Prime Consciousness isn't violent by nature, so we don't have to defend against that type of force. It doesn't attack using weapons."

Rose shook her head, continuing on. "No, it just steals people's minds."

"Which is why we have to outsmart, not outgun it."

"So we go in with nothing but our mental defenses?"

"That's all we need," he stated firmly. He already anticipated a precarious confrontation, and he didn't want to further destabilize the situation with added aggression.

They drew to a halt when Rose placed a stilling hand on his arm, nodding forward. "You better be right. 'Cause we're about to find out."

Up ahead, a silvery glow could be seen streaming through the cloak of thick pines. Ever careful, they continued forward a few more paces. As they moved closer, the light grew more radiant and distinct, revealing the hazy outline of a spherical structure.

"We're going to approach cautiously," the Doctor directed in a low, even tone.

"Oh, ya think?" she hissed, wary eyes steadfastly trained on the danger ahead.

"The greatest difficulty now will be in accessing the entry port," he went on. "Ordinarily, we wouldn't have been able to make it this far – this close. But once we disabled the illusional force field, it lost its main defense. And right now nearly every bit of its energy is being funneled into repairing and powering the energy core now that it's so close to being complete, so it can't afford to divert any more energy into creating additional defensive barriers."

"Even still, this just seems…too easy," Rose replied as they crouched nearer to what could now be distinguished as a luminous craft. "Much too easy. It's just sittin' there…like it's waiting for us. There's gotta be a catch."

The Doctor felt an ominous chill all the way down to his bones as he recalled the psychic entity's warning to him if he were to proceed and interfere. Though he was maintaining a calm and composed front, he could sense the approaching storm. He had been in this sort of situation one too many times, and he knew the pattern. He was not going to waver in his determination to stop what was being done, and he was facing an entity that was just as determined to succeed despite him. There would be no compromise. Someone would have to be defeated.

Some days, everybody lived. Today, he feared, would not be one of those days.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N** Happy New Year, my dear Who friends! And endless thanks to those of you who're reviewing, no matter how detailed or brief, letting me know you're there when I update. You're the ones who've kept me doing this into 2014, far longer than I ever imagined.

* * *

**Chapter 17**

The Doctor and Rose crouched behind the semi-cover of thick trees and underbrush, sizing up the current situation and the looming threat up ahead. They were now within visual range of the ship itself. The luminous glow of the energy craft cut eerie shafts of silver light through the otherwise black forest. The shimmering sight might have been mystically enthralling if not for the dark reality of what lay within.

Cautiously, they continued forward, now approaching within mere meters of the ship. The physical shape could be distinguished through the misty glow as its solid form became more distinct the closer they came. It was a perfect sphere, approximately twelve feet high with an equal diameter. It certainly wasn't massive as far as ships went, but its radiant exterior was powerfully imposing none the less. The remnants of the emergency landing and expelled energy were still visible. The ground around the site was blackened, as were the surrounding trees, and the smell of charred earth was strong. Had the area not been previously masked, aerial scans could have probably pinpointed the site by visual means alone.

Creeping closer, the Doctor and Rose sought cover behind the thick trunk of the nearest tall fir tree, remaining crouched down despite the odds that their presence had no doubt been detected long before reaching this point.

"Surely it senses us here, right?" Rose whispered, the ship and its surroundings unsettlingly still and quiet. "But it's not _doing_ anything. Not that I'm complaining, mind. But it must know by now."

"It knows," he confirmed evenly, eyes fixed ahead.

"And we just walk right up?" she questioned again, incredulity growing and fingers tightening over her weapon.

"We've already made it past its illusional defense system. And it doesn't employ typical weaponry. As long as our minds can continue to resist its control, we should be fine."

"So you keep saying. But how do you know the parallel version of the race doesn't make exceptions? Just 'cause it hasn't used weapons yet doesn't mean it can't."

It was a fair question. "It's a possibility, yes. But every scan I've run and its behavior thus far indicates otherwise. Bottom line, I'm not leaving Donna or the others in there. And you didn't seem agreeable to the idea of me doing this alone, so…"

"So onwards."

He nodded.

"How do we even get in? There's no door that I can see."

"There's a door," he verified. "It's just not opened by physical means. It requires psychic energy. Most beings wouldn't be capable of generating enough to trigger entry. But…"

"You're impressive?"

"Precisely."

"Well then," she replied, summoning an air of courage, "impress me."

He threw her a wink that was both totally inappropriate for the gravity of the situation and completely _him_. The Doctor closed his eyes, focusing fully on the task.

For several moments it seemed as if his efforts were having no effect whatsoever. Just when Rose thought this wasn't going to be quite so easy after all, the gleaming silver exterior of the ship began to ripple and vibrate the smallest bit.

The Doctor continued straining with the effort his mind was putting forth. A small central opening then began to appear, so miniscule it wouldn't have been visible if not for the pinprick of brighter light showing through from within. It then steadily grew into a full-sized portal, capable of being entered. Vibrant light shone out from within, and a deep thrum could be heard emanating from the interior as the raw inner power was exposed.

"Doctor? _Doctor_!" she shook his arm, rousing him from the mental task he'd just accomplished. "You did it. It's open."

He opened his eyes, wobbling forward just a bit as he pulled in a breath. Rose kept a steady hand on his arm.

"You okay?"

"Yeah." He craned his neck side-to-side, then shook his head to clear it. "Might have one wallop of a headache later, though."

"So now we just…go strollin' in?" she whispered low.

The Doctor placed his hand over hers, giving a brief squeeze. "Yes, but you need to be prepared for this. There's a chance it will at least attempt to overtake our minds again once we breach the ship. Your mental abilities should be able to withstand it, but if you feel a strong intrusion attempt, reach for me through the bond. I'm going to need to open it between us again so that we have that protective link, okay?"

Rose fought to keep her mind focused on the practicality of the issue and not the emotions this could evoke. "Yeah, okay. Do it."

Instead of closing his eyes, they remained open and seemed to sharpen as they trained on hers. She nearly tumbled head first into his deep gaze as everything between them intensified at the moment he lowered many of the barriers between himself and Rose. Their earlier mental connection had been but a brief touch, and even still had been powerful. This, however, was a sustained and mighty surge. The sudden onslaught of his emotions alone was enough to take her breath. Love, longing, fear, hope, joy, anguish – some ancient, some reborn – all churning within him and breaking over her like crashing waves on the shore. Beneath it all she sensed echoes of something he was shielding yet was clawing at the surface. Something recent, in her absence. Something dark. Something he despised. Something he feared revealing.

Amid the maelstrom of emotions, the current situation stirred a new storm – fear for the state of those who had been taken, guilt that Donna was even in this situation, and anxiety over this inevitable confrontation. But churning mightily within it all was intense anger toward the malevolent acts committed. Rose knew the grave power this emotion contained. She had seen flashes of its potential in his past and current selves. This was the fury of a Time Lord.

In the span of mere seconds, it hit her all at once, this powerful surge of complex emotion that made up the Doctor's state of mind. It was far too much. Her balance faltered beneath the onslaught.

"I-I'm sorry," he rasped, moving close to steady her. "I was trying to be quick and allowed too much at once. Are you okay?"

Rose was only capable of nodding. She took several deep breaths before being able to speak. Her eyes opened, finding his, dark and concerned. "I just…just wasn't quite prepared for that. I'd forgotten just how strong it could be."

"I know the feeling," he breathed, affected in equal measure. "I'm going to dampen the emotional component of our link, but still keep the connection partially open so that you can more easily and quickly reach for me if you need to."

She nodded. He closed his eyes, and the whirlwind she could still sense began to fade. It was still there, but obscured; subdued. The brief deluge, however, had certainly been revealing. And had this been the time and place, Rose would've had a few questions regarding the hidden things she'd sensed.

Later. Assuming they made it out of this, they certainly still had things to address. She wondered just what else he could be keeping from her. She was half afraid to find out. Rose shook herself out of the distracted haze. Now wasn't the time.

"Are you ready?" he whispered to her.

"As I'll ever be."

"As soon as we're in and have located the victims, I'll work as quickly as possible to disengage them from whatever type of neural link is being employed. While I do that, watch the portal closely and let me know if it fluctuates."

Rose nodded.

Side by side, the Doctor and Rose cautiously approached the Prime's ship, circling around from the side where it butted against a line of trees, allowing them cover for as long as possible. Astonishingly, the entry portal grew larger as they neared.

"Something about this isn't right," Rose whispered.

"It's allowing us in," the Doctor responded, a dangerous edge to his tone. "Because it _thinks_ it knows what it's dealing with."

The Doctor took the lead as he crossed the open portal into the almost blindingly-luminous sphere, the sonic screwdriver giving him continual readings on the surroundings. Rose followed, hand at the ready on her weapon. Despite his assurance it wasn't needed, she wasn't tossing _all_ her training out the window just yet.

They both hovered just inside the portal, eyes rapidly scanning their circular environment. The inner walls were perfectly smooth, and shone like sunlight reflecting off glass. In the center was the core – a substantial ball of pure hovering energy, the churning inner power frenetic yet somehow ordered, like charged particles around the nucleus of an atom. Being inside the craft brought the sense of being pressed and confined. Not because of its small size, but because of the sheer mass of energy surrounding them, pressing in, nearly crushing in its magnitude. The conscious being wasn't just within this ship. It was a part of this ship, occupying every millimeter of the inner space, with its essence concentrated within the central power core.

The intense light momentarily obscured her vision from focusing on the victims within. "The lifeform…it's surrounding us, isn't it?" she questioned warily, able to feel the being within.

The Doctor's hand reached for hers, grounding them both. "Yes. It inhabits every facet of this vessel."

"Including them," she murmured, eyes now focusing enough to distinguish the unresponsive bodies that circled the ship.

Against the backdrop of gleaming smooth walls, stood the victims who had been abducted – the four civilian hikers as well as three members of Torchwood, along with Donna Noble. Each stood upright and rigid around the inner perimeter of the ship. Their eyes were open but unfocused, lifeless orbs all that shone back. They were not connected to the ship's central core by wires or machinery, but rather by beams of energy, one streaming down through the center of their skulls from above, and the other flowing back out, syphoning energy – all originating and ending in the core itself, pulsing above them like an intricately-woven web.

The Doctor swiftly approached the nearest victim – Donna. He rapidly scanned her brainwave activity and assessed her vital signs, all the while they could sense the psychic being observing them and analyzing their reactions, yet it wasn't addressing them, as if they were of no consequence.

"They're still alive, aren't they?" Rose fought to keep hope in her voice, her eyes flitting amongst the lifeless bodies but continuing to keep check on the open portal.

"Yes."

"And you can detach them from the interface and get them out?"

His eyes met hers, and never before had she seen such despair, coalesced with rage, reflecting back.

The Doctor swallowed, the movement requiring painful force. "You said this all seemed too easy…that there must be something more to deter us…"

"Doctor, what is it?"

The Doctor's eyes flashed. He charged up to the central power core where the being's essence converged. "You already tapped in to what you needed from them, so why have you gone this far?!" he raged.

Finally, the being addressed them, its language in their heads emotionless yet resounding with power. _"This was necessary in order to control the actions you might take, and for this I did not even need to possess your mind. I have already seen it. I know your weakness – your emotions and your mercy. You will not risk causing harm, therefore you will not risk removing them now that they are fused with the core itself. I warned you not to attempt to interfere. Since you would not see reason, this step had to be taken."_

"What has it done? What have you done?!"Rose demanded, turning angry eyes on the hovering central core.

"It's not just drawing energy from them. It's integrated a fused process that would result in death if disrupted," the Doctor answered her grimly. "This can now only be stopped by outside means in one of two ways: by severing the connection directly or reversing the link out of their neural pathways, but either way would be destructive at this point, in one way or another."

"So this was its deterrent," she murmured grimly.

"You were right," he noted, voice dark. "It was seeming too simple."

"I didn't want to be right," she answered quietly. "Not about this."

Darkness overtook his face, a look of fiery fury in his eyes that was frightening. "But like I said, it can be stopped in one of _two_ ways. Destruction would still result from the second option, yes. But not for the victims."

"_I have seen you, Doctor,"_ the being reverberated supremely. _"You, who take the title of a healer. You are a man who abhors death and destruction. So any option that would result in destruction is not one you would entertain. I knew this of you when fusing the link to my core."_

The Doctor's eyes were deep wells of blackness, and Rose shivered. "Oh, that's where you are at a critical disadvantage. I told you, you're not from my world. You're from a parallel reality than my own. You don't _truly_ know me. If you did, you would know me equally by titles that are _far_ less kind. You think you've seen into my mind, but you only glimpsed the surface. You haven't seen what's buried beneath–"

"Doctor," Rose cut in sharply, diverting him from such a dark topic and back to one of hope, "what's the second option? Can you still save them?"

His eyes flicked to her, momentarily clearing from that of dark and unreachable. "I can't sever the incoming link without causing irreversible neural damage. But rather than ripping their neurons from the central core I can _reverse_ the connection. Right now it's a two-way link – flowing in to create and maintain the connection and flowing out with the syphoned energy in a delicate balance, with the core receiving intermittent pulses of energy in an exact quantity so as not to cause an overload. But if I can't sever the connection I could still reverse it, and that complete reversal of the entire process would send everything straight back into the core at once."

"Then do it," she quickly urged.

"A sudden reversal surge of that magnitude would obliterate the central core, and the Prime Consciousness along with it. Sudden death," he stated in a controlled, low voice.

Rose was silent, studying his face. Never had his age and Time's wear been more apparent than at this moment. Centuries of confrontation and conflict had brought him to this same crossroad more than once.

The Doctor's voice was low and deathly calm as he drew a line in the sand. "You get one warning. Just one. Let. Them. Go. _Now_. Release them completely. You created the link; only you have the means to harmlessly dissolve it from within. Then I will help you find the energy source you need some other way. But if you continue to use these innocent humans, to drain them, to hold them captive for another minute, then your destruction will be your own doing."

"_No, Doctor,"_ it spoke back with calm supremacy. _"The destruction would be _your_ doing. Something I do not believe you are capable of. Admit your defeat and go."_

"You were given your chance," the Doctor uttered somberly. With an outstretched arm and stormy resolve, the Doctor aimed the sonic screwdriver directly at the central core. "Rose, get out."

"No."

"_Rose_–"

She stepped up directly beside him and took his free hand firmly in hers. "You do what you have to do. But I'm not leaving you to do this alone."

"_Such primitive emotions,"_ it mocked, still believing the Doctor was merely blustering and it had the upper hand.

"Such underestimated consequences," the Doctor responded with finality.

The Doctor activated the sonic screwdriver, the selected calibration causing an instantaneous reversal of the victim's connection to the core, causing a critical surge in the systems as the hum of raw energy grew louder and louder and the core itself began to quake violently.

For a brief moment, the Prime Consciousness saw the Time Lord fully, and for a brief moment it knew fear. Then, it knew no more.

With a deafening shriek and blinding burst of light, the hovering central core blazed white-hot, then collapsed inward, like the curling pages of crumpled paper, until there was nothing left in its place.

The interior of the ship went dim as the bodies of those held captive were released from their mind's prison and slumped to the floor. Donna's prone form caught the Doctor's eye, pulling him back from the brink as her past words echoed in his mind.

'Doctor! You can stop now...'

He switched off the sonic and dropped down beside her.

For a moment, Rose couldn't even move. The Doctor had dampened the emotional component of their link, but his current torrent of emotions was not so easily diminished. She was momentarily overcome with the strong current of guilt and the engulfing darkness that rode in its wake. This was the part of him he always sought to suppress, from her as well as himself. This was the reason he had been steadfast against her using a weapon throughout this mission. He never wanted her to carry the same burdens. Yet to a degree, she already did. She understood his present state better than he knew.

Regaining her focus, Rose concentrated on what needed to be done here and now. Gripping her torch to illuminate the now dark ship, she made her way over to the next nearest victim, Adeola. Rose placed two light fingers on the woman's carotid artery. There was a pulse. Weak but there. She shone her light over toward the Doctor. He was crouched beside Donna, the sonic running over the prone form of his friend.

"We have to get them out of here," Rose urged, nodding toward the entry.

The Doctor followed her gaze toward the energy ship's entry port. The circular opening was destabilizing. The entry had already decreased in size and the edges were misshapen, morphing into an abstract closure.

"We need to be quick," he ordered.

The Doctor lifted Donna in his arms to carry her clear while Rose took Adeola beneath the arms and drug her toward the opening. He paused at the door to allow Rose to pass first, insuring she made it out safely, then swiftly followed.

They were easing down the first two victims just as the lights and hum of vehicles could be seen and heard moving close. Rose waved her own torch and signaled them in.

One by one, the Torchwood teams arrived at the site, weapons drawn as they rapidly approached.

"The threat's been neutralized," Rose hurried to assure them. The Doctor's eyes briefly flicked up, the storm still churning within.

"It figures you'd be here," Mickey remarked, tone light but eyes showing clear relief as he and Jake dismounted their ATVs and quickly approached. "Saw a blinding flash and figured you two would be right in the thick of it."

He knelt beside Rose to assess Adeola's condition.

"We have to get the rest out, and quickly," the Doctor ordered, straightening up after carefully easing an unconscious Donna to the ground. "The portal won't remain intact for long."

The Torchwood personnel on the scene hurried to follow the Doctor and Rose back inside the failing ship. One by one, they pulled the remaining victims out to safety.

In minutes, each one had been cleared from the ship and moved a safe distance away. Rose took a moment to draw a breath and survey the scene as the Doctor did what he did best – he was The Doctor, tending to each of the rescued. She looked back at the ship, once radiant, now dull-gray and lifeless. But in the midst of death life still endured, the victims alive and safe. It had come with a price, yes. But that was often the case on this mad, complicated and consequential path the Doctor walked.

'_This is my life… It's not fun, it's not smart. It's just standing up and making a decision because nobody else will.'_

She understood a little better, then, about the things he kept hidden, the darkness he shielded, even from himself. Perhaps he didn't hide some things out of stubborn refusal to open himself, but out of necessity, for the sake of his own sanity.

-:-:-:-

The surrounding area was cordoned off until a formal decision could be made regarding what to do about the site and the disabled ship. Each of the rescued was transported to the nearest roadway where med teams converged to transport them back to Torchwood Medical where they could be carefully monitored until they regained consciousness.

Donna was lifted onto a gurney and placed in one of the awaiting ambulances. The Doctor climbed in directly behind her and Rose made to follow, but Pete, who had just rushed to the scene, snagged her by the arm as she passed.

"Rose, what happened out there?" he questioned, deep concern evident as he searched her face. Now wasn't the time for formal reprimands.

The Doctor looked up at that moment, dark eyes meeting hers across the dividing distance. "It'll be in my report," she replied, voice weary and still a little shaken as she rubbed her throbbing temples, the storm of this entire night still reverberating like that of the distant thunder.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N **Rose finally has a chance to begin processing, and gets some needed advice.

* * *

**Chapter 18**

The Doctor was in full-on 'doctor' mode as he assessed and directed the treatment of each of those who had been rescued from the mind control and energy drain they had been subjected to. Torchwood Medical was equipped with advanced technology that would not have been found in an ordinary hospital and was thus well suited to the patients' unique monitoring needs following the incident; but even still, the Doctor made a few 'enhancements' to the equipment to ensure that those being treated received the best possible care in order to make a full recovery. They would require careful monitoring for the next twenty-four hours and would likely ease out of their unconscious state slowly, but if they continued progressing without complications, it looked as if they could be released the following day.

Amid the whirlwind of events, there had not been time to discuss with the Doctor what had happened inside the Prime's ship, but Rose knew it had no doubt taken up permanent residence in one of the more unpleasant recesses of his mind – just like every other difficult life-or-death decision he'd been forced to make over the centuries. She couldn't specifically _sense_ his feelings on the matter, though. Once the threat was over, the Doctor had again dampened his link to Rose. She felt it dim shortly after the chaos subsided, but told herself this was likely due in part to the fact that it had been opened as a protective necessity, and he wasn't making assumptions in regards to a continued open door to their bond until a few things were settled.

She also knew, however, that by scaling it back down, he could suppress whatever he was feeling over the incident. Frustration rose within her at the thought of him closing himself off again. She understood his reasons for not wanting to dwell on such things. But right now they needed to take a step forward with openness, not a step back. Despite this, she knew it to be, in part, a facet of his nature, for better or for worse.

Rose didn't have too much time to fixate on that just yet, however, for while the Doctor focused on tending to the recuperation of the rescued downstairs, Rose focused on writing her report of the field assignment. She had never been fond of the wrap-up paperwork involved, but this time she'd dreaded it all the more. There wasn't just the unpleasant account of the Doctor's actions, necessary as they might have been, or his earlier disregard of Torchwood protocol, but also the fact that Rose herself hadn't exactly followed protocol during the mission. In reality, she was quite possibly looking at being suspended from Torchwood, if not sacked. She might be Pete Tyler's virtual daughter, but when it came to her work at Torchwood, the Director held her to the same standards as everyone else.

Rose found herself pondering whether her job status truly mattered to her at this point. She never wanted to lose or jeopardize Pete's respect, of course; but did she feel the same about her job? She had taken the position because it enabled her to put her experience to use for the good of the Institute. For the good of the Earth, really. And it had also provided a vital means to attempt to reach the Doctor again. Now she'd achieved that once seemingly-impossible goal. It had not come about in the way she had ever imagined or could have predicted, but it had been achieved none the less.

Now she just had to figure out where to go from here. Obviously, she and the Doctor needed to work out a few issues when it came to his attempts to control her decisions, and she had to feel secure again in her trust of him. But then what? For the first time since coming here, that question wasn't relegated to the back of her mind as a far-flung query to be answered that fanciful _Some Day_, but was now front and center and had to be decided. Earth or the stars? Or more pointedly, the Doctor or her family? Before, she was just so focused on that giant step of finding him. The tough decisions afterward had yet to be faced. But she had wanted the Doctor back in her life more than anything in the universe, and infuriating and confounding as he still could be, that desire had not changed. How could it? She still loved him. Heaven help her, she loved him.

But she also loved her family. There was no way to leave them behind without it hurting, both for them and for herself. She distantly wondered if the Doctor might possibly be intending to stay _here_. They hadn't gotten as far as discussing this, considering it had been less than a day since she'd even learned he was here, and those subsequent hours had been rather preoccupying. But she knew he had managed to bring the TARDIS through. Could he perhaps find a way to make it operate in this universe as well? If not, she had her answer to the question of whether he would stay. Regardless of his feelings for her, there was the universe to consider. He was _The Doctor._ She could never expect him to give up what he did, because it was a fundamental part of who he was. And he was needed.

Deep in thought as she was, Rose didn't immediately register the arrival of Pete in her office through the partially-open door. The elder Tyler caught her eye as he approached her desk. She wasn't the only one who'd yet to find time for a proper rest, judging by the fatigued look in his eyes. Rose looked up at him from across the black laminate desk as he came near. She tucked a messy strand of hair behind her ear which had fallen loose from the ponytail she'd managed to wrestle most of it into, and offered a tentative smile.

"Long night, eh?" he remarked, glancing out the tall glass window behind her, taking note of the early morning sun which now illuminated the waking city.

"Was all that really just _one_ night?" she half-laughed by way of reply.

His gaze returned to her. "You doing alright? The report can wait for you to get some proper sleep first. I'm sure you could use it."

Rose cleared her throat, shaking off the drowsy tone. "'M fine. I think I'm still too keyed-up to sleep right now, anyway. I'd rather just get this report out of the way. The preliminary's finished. I just have to complete the full."

"A complicated report?" he questioned casually.

With a sigh, Rose closed the screen of her laptop and settled in for the unavoidable conversation. "He saved them. Everyone who needed saving. The Doctor did what he had to do."

Pete moved closer. "I know. I just finished reading your preliminary report, and I agree. The final decision he made was a necessary one."

Rose gave him a measuring glance, preparing herself for the inevitable. "_But_…? I know there's a 'but' in there. I can almost hear it."

Pete sat himself down in the gray swivel chair across from the desk. "I think you already know what that is."

"I did what I had to do, too," she answered wearily, having already played this out in her head.

"Did you?" His neutral tone shifted perceptibly toward stern emotion. "Disregarding orders, breaking off communications, going into a hostile situation without adequate back-up, violating countless examples of situational protocol – you're saying that was all necessary?"

Despite his position as her superior, the one asking the questions was no longer Director Tyler but Pete, the man who had become the only dad she had ever really known. Overriding the need to reprimand an agent's insubordinate behavior was his concern for his daughter's wellbeing.

"I trusted the Doctor in this situation," Rose said in defense of her actions. "I always have when we've done things like this, long before Torchwood. We make it out okay because he knows how to handle this sort of thing, and this was his way. I'm sorry, but I had to trust him."

"And does his all-knowing way always go to plan?" he pressed.

Rose sat back, shoulders slacking. "You were there at Canary Wharf…at the battle in the other universe. You know he can't always control everything or keep everyone from getting hurt. Sometimes he can, but not every time. But he's still the best hope in that type of situation. You know that, too. And it's not like Torchwood-planned missions always go without a hitch, either. I know protocol is there for a reason. But I had to make a choice."

"And given the choice again, you'd align yourself with the Doctor in that type of situation?"

Her eyes broke from his gaze. They both knew the answer to that question. They also knew its implications.

Pete leaned forward, tone beseeching. "I just want to know that when you're out there with him, doing what the two of you do, that you'll be careful. You'll use your training to step in and find another way if his isn't always the right one. I just want you safe…for your sake, for Jackie's, for everyone who cares about you."

Rose smiled faintly. "'S this your way of sacking me?"

He returned her smile, bittersweet. "It's my way of accepting your resignation that I've known would come if the Doctor ever did."

Rose folded her hands on the desk and glanced down, pensive. "I always thought it'd be an easy decision. Not that leaving you or Mum or Tony would be easy. I don't mean it like that. But you all have your whole lives here and everything you want. And I always thought that mine was meant to be spent with him, no matter what."

He reached across the desk, placing a hand on her arm and attempting to catch her eyes. "And that's changed?"

She looked up, some of the hurt and anger she'd had to push down the past few hours for the sake of focusing on the mission now resurfacing. "He wasn't honest with me. He _hid_ himself from me. Regardless of whether he didn't mean for everything to happen like it did, that still doesn't change what was done. I was _desperate_ to be with him again. Every day. Every minute, that's all I wanted. And then there he was, _right here_, and he didn't even tell me right away! Instead he hid because he was afraid of what he might find…or afraid of how I'd react, or…both. I dunno. But that's what he did."

Pete tried to sound neutral, and not take sides or further inflame an already delicate situation. "I intended to ask about that when you showed up with him at the briefing, but there wasn't exactly time. Did he say that was his reason? He seemed to regret it but didn't elaborate."

She shrugged glumly. "He said he didn't want to 'interfere' with my life if I'd moved on."

"He did it for you?"

"Hardly," she disagreed. "He did it for himself more than anything so he wouldn't have to face possible rejection for another. I mean, as if I _would_! Did he ever understand our relationship – my commitment – at all?"

"Maybe it's not just that. Maybe he reacts that way, protecting himself, because he's been hurt by losing people in the past," Pete suggested. It took one to know one.

Rose deflated a little, the anger slightly subsiding again. "Yeah. That's an understatement." Though it was known by most of those who knew of him that the Doctor was the only remaining member of his race, Rose had only shared the painfully private details with a close few in regards to the loss of his family, children, and grandchildren. Pete was one of them, and could see from that perspective. It was still hard to fathom, really, when the Doctor's losses were measured and weighed.

"Love it or hate it, and I know right now you probably hate it, that's who he is, Rose. Fear of loss and the way it makes him react isn't something that can change overnight. Knowing that, I suppose you have to ask yourself if he's still who you want – if that life is what you want."

Rose took a long, deep breath. "But how do he and I ever move past this point? Past his fears and secrets? Past his tendency to leave me behind if he thinks it's best? And the fact that he always, _always_ tries to take my most important decisions and make them _for_ me for fear of the outcome if he didn't?"

"That's not an easy question to answer," Pete admitted. "But after coming through this and having to own-up to the truth and consequences, do you think he'd do that sort of thing again without at least stopping to first put his fears aside and really think it through?"

"That's the thing," she answered with frustration. "I can say for sure that he won't." Rose took time to really ponder it a few moments longer. "But…he'd probably give it at least a little more thought, I suppose."

"Well, that's something," Pete acknowledged. "Maybe that's your restarting point."

Rose studied the man in front of her, offering advice on the Doctor's behalf. "I thought you'd be angry at him, too. But it's like you're stickin' up for him." The corner of her mouth quirked up slightly. "That some sort of oath men take, regardless of the species?"

He laughed, eyes softening as they focused on hers. "This isn't about him, trust me. Actually, I'd like to wring his skinny alien neck for hurting you, after seeing what you went through just to try to get him back. But that's the thing…I know how badly you want a life with him." She glanced down. He reached forward and put a finger under her chin, gently bringing her eyes back up. "I might not be your biological dad, but I've come to love you as if I were, even though I tried to deny it once upon a time. And what I want is for you to be happy, love. I think we both know he makes you happier than any other man ever could, even if that goes the same for how angry and frustrated he can make you sometimes, too. But I think you already know that. Maybe you just needed to begin to talk it through."

"You'd make a decent therapist," she noted wryly.

"Well, I've paid to see my fair share. Let's hope I've picked up a thing or two along the way for the expense." He said it in jest, but Rose knew that this man, so strong on the outside, had experienced his own rock-bottom moments of grief due to unthinkable loss. "I also know what it's like to be given a second chance with someone you love, and how rare and precious that is. It might not be perfect. Nothing in life ever is. But that doesn't mean it isn't worth it. You still have things to sort between you, I know. But give it a chance, for both your sakes."

Rose stood up and moved around the desk. He stood too as she reached him. Deciding that Torchwood protocol could stand to be broken one more time, she stepped in for a hug which he openly received. "You _are_ my dad. And I love you," she said earnestly, cheek pressed to his shoulder.

He tightened his hold. "I love you too, sweetheart. Always will, wherever you go."

They pulled back. "Now if you could just say a thing or two to straighten the Doctor out," she joked, but was halfway serious.

He gave a sly smile. "Oh, I think your mum will have that task sorted quite well on her own."

Rose grimaced. "How much does she know?"

"Everything I knew – that the Doctor was here but that none of us realized at first. I talked to her after things were wrapped up out in the field. I thought it might be easier for you if you didn't have to explain it all one more time. And she needed to know."

Rose nodded. "I should phone her, though."

"No need. She's already here."

Rose's eyes widened. "Where?"

"Where do you think?"

She blew out a heavy breath. "Is the Doctor still alive?"

He smirked. "I haven't heard reports of any deaths within the facility yet, so that's a good sign. Either that or she's finishing him off slowly."


End file.
